Nobody’s Chargers 2024 Season Preview: Payin’ for it

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 4, 2024September 5, 2024

INTERIOR – CHARGERS PRACTICE FACILITY BOARD ROOM, COSTA MESA, CA – MORNING, SEVEN MONTHS AGO DEAN SPANOS: [On the phone] Look, John, it's just like my Daddy used to say, "if the city won't pay, fuck 'em and move!" [Laughs too hard] [Garbled phone response] DEAN: Right?! That place is an absolute dump anyway.

Nobody’s Chargers 2023 Season Preview: The Happiest Place

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 31, 2023

INTERIOR – DISNEYLAND PARKING LOT, ANAHEIM, CA – MORNING JUSTIN HERBERT: Oh boy oh boy! I'm so excited to finally get that authentic Hollywood experience! Somewhere where I can be just like all the locals! I can't wait to try Wolfgang Puck's for lunch! [Looks around the otherwise empty parking lot with

Nobody’s Chargers 2020 Season Preview: No Control

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 10, 2020September 10, 2020

INTERIOR – NONDESCRIPT DOMICILE, CARSON, CA – EVENING [A MAN sits alone on a couch in his living room, completely fixated on the TV in front of him, despite the fact that nothing particularly interesting is on it. His gaze is so intent, that he hardly blinks and certainly doesn't hear

No One’s Chargers 2019 Preview: Top Bolt

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 23, 2019August 23, 2019

INTERIOR - CHARGERS WAR ROOM, MIRA MAR, CA - MIDDAY MAJ. TOM TELESCO: [Walking in] Good morning Tony. COMM. ANTHONY LYNN: Morning Tom. RADIO: Ghost Audience, we have an unknown aircraft entering our airspace. Vector 405 for bogey. TELESCO: Who's up there? LYNN: Rivers, Gordon, Bosa and Allen. EXTERIOR - THE SKIES ABOVE SAN DIEGO COUNTY CAPT. RIVERS: YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODDDDDYYYYYY

Better Know a Banner Bracket: BOLTMAN Regional

Senor Weaselo - February 28, 2019February 28, 2019

And here we are, the fourth and final of our regional previews. This is the BOLTMAN Regional. OHHHHH YEEEEEEAAHHHHHHHHH! Erhem. Sorry. We all have our femurs intact? Good. Let's go. 1. "[Is] there also a Cripso's on another corner in Compton?" 16. "THESE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS I CALL THEM ROBERT MULDOON, BECAUSE THEY GOT EATEN

BOLTMAN GROUP Presents: The Sounds of X-Mas Night Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - December 25, 2018December 25, 2018

NIGHT – SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA – NONDESCRIPT OFFICE BUILDING INTERIOR [The camera pans across an empty and dimly lit office brimming with cubicals as free-use holiday music plays softly in the background. The camera stops on the only illuminated desk, where an extremely pale but handsome young man in a Santa hat

Caleb Sturgis Takes a Ride

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 7, 2018November 6, 2018

EXTERIOR – CHARGERS PRACTICE FACILITY, COSTA MESA, CA – MIDDAY [CALEB STURGIS walks alone to his car following Monday's walk-through. He seems a bit forlorn, yet still has the semblance of an optimistic smile on face. As he is a few feet from his car, another vehicle rolls up] [CAR DOOR FLIES

BOLTMAN GROUP Presents – The Sound of the Beast

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - October 31, 2018October 31, 2018

♫ Set to the music of “The Number of the Beast” from Iron Maiden ♫ GHOST OF JUNIOR SEAU: Woe to you, oh Span-oiiii, for the deal you made sends the beast with wrath, Because he knows the time is nigh... Let him who hath electric dance moves reckon the sound of the beast For it

No Ones Chargers 2018 Season Preview

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 22, 2018August 22, 2018

INTERIOR - ST. SOPHIA CATHEDRAL, LOS ANGELES - MIDDAY [A decent group of formal, yet lavishly dressed people sit in the pews as the funeral for Faye Spanos is about to get underway. However, due to the vast size of the church, the audience seems dwarfed by comparison. The organ softly

Jason Verrett is Next to Receive BOLTMAN’s Ire

Updates

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - July 27, 2018July 27, 2018

5th year Pro Bowl cornerback for That Team That Moved, Jason Verrett, suffered a torn ACL on the very first day of training camp which will cause him to miss the entire 2018 season. Some are suggesting that the team may be cursed, given their year over year injury history,

Hunter Henry Displeases BOLTMAN

Updates

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - May 23, 2018

Third year tight end Hunter Henry was struck down with an ACL injury on Tuesday, likely sidelining him for the entire 2018 season. BOLTMAN referred any questions about his involvement to his spokesman Peter Carr, who declined to comment.

Your “OOOOOHHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Tuesday Night Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - April 10, 2018April 10, 2018

175

WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?! FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT HAS AWAKENED BOLTMAN FROM HIS DEEP, DARK SLUMBER WITHIN THE BOWELS OF SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION QUALCOMM JACK MURPHY STADIUM, DEMANDING HIS DECREE ON THE DAILY HAPPENINGS OF THE MORTAL WORLD OF THE ACCURSED NFL! BOLTMAN WILL ASSURE YOU ALL THAT FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT'S MESSENGER MET A SLOW AND