/sets up sign outside

//takes fresh baked cookies out of oven and puts them on a rack to cool

/// puts out punch and pie

Oh, Hi there!  Didn’t expect you so early.  No, please, come in and take a look around!

(newcomer eyes place suspiciously)

Let me tell you a little bit about the place.  It’s in a new neighborhood but built in the old style.  Classic, some call it.

What’s that?  Yes, it has plenty of bathrooms both upstairs and downstairs.  Feel free.

////waits for thirty five minutes

Hi, I hope that was a good one!  As I was saying, this lovely place carries on the style of the old place while not necessarily copying its features.  You know how in the movies they put a disclaimer that the movie was “inspired by” real events?  Yeah, something like that.

Oh, that’s ok, I’ve got a vacuum for that.  No worries.

Let me show you around a bit.  There may be some features here that seem familiar to you and some that are brand new.  Over here in this corner, we have the Bud Winston Room.  He’s a fun old-time sportswriter/rascal that likes to cover the NFL from time to time and provide his own unique take.

If you look to the left. we have the kitchen or as we like to call it, the Sunday Gravy room. Boy, if I could tell you the delicious things that have come out of there!  Just amazing.

If we keep going further out, there is a little room off to the side that is dedicated to the AFL.  I don’t know either, but it seems like there was one boring summer and all things Australian became interesting.  Check it out, it’s kinda cute and kitchy and the ladies might like the men in tight shorts jumping around.  Or men too, for that matter.

If you step outside, mind the step, you get to the porch, or the Drinkin’ Stoop, if you will.  Here, we can sit around what seems like all afternoon and long into the evening sipping on beverages, shooting the shit, and generally just enjoying life. If you will notice, the Stoop goes around the corner, so you have another spot here and here and here.

Now I don’t want you to think we’re just a bunch of alcoholics around here. Let’s go back inside the screen door and we get to the Library.  It’s growing every day!

The last room in the first level is the Music Room.  Here you can rock out with your cock out, as the kids like to say.  Oh, they don’t say that?  Um, never mind.

Now we head upstairs and that’s where everyone’s bedrooms are.  Each person has decorated their room in their own individual manner and with their own unique taste.

And now we get to the top floor.  Now, I ask you, what does every new place need?  A Sexy Friday Room of course!  With a view!

There is also a Karaoke Room for those that like to sing along with the words.

And how can I forget the Puzzle Room?  It’s great to enjoy the view while you’re working out your brain!

The great thing about this place is that it has room to grow!  We just recently added the 9 Circles room!  Looks good, doesn’t it?  And yes, we can grow some more.

You know there is much more, but I’ve got to put those cookies in the jar.  Feel free to walk around and let me know if you need anything, okay?

Great to have you here!