JV NFL Championship Saturday and Everton Sells Its Soul and Future

It’s with a heavy and angry heart that I write this.  As I noted on NSNO.co.uk, the creatures that live under rocks have won.  It is not enough for them to have Brexit and Trump, no.  They had to come for my Everton, too.  I can not, and will not support a known corrupt, anti-footballing, backwards, self-promoting asshole in the manager’s chair.  One who burns down the foundation of every club he manages – setting up the next manager to take the drop – who will surely ruin the only positives that exist in the form of Everton’s youth system and young offensive prospects.  And if Everton is dead to me, so is Lesser Footy in general.  Until it is time to pick up the pieces left in Fat Sam’s giant, fetid wake.  I thank Balls, Litre, and perhaps others for filling in for me (in the coming weeks) on this beat.

Chelsea get the Barcodes this Saturday early (7:30, NBCSN), followed by a meh 10:00 window highlighted by Brighton & Hove v. Redshite (NBCSN).  I would be reading even if I weren’t boycotting.  The Moose Hornets take on Spurs over on CNBC and yeah, ok, that’s pretty interesting.  Fuck the rest of it.

Arsenal and Man U are the big NBC 12:30 spotlight dance, giving us a chance to see just how resurrected the Gooners are.  After all, the race for 2nd is all the tracing they is.

NBCSN’s Sunday no-funday doubleheader is Bournemouth/Soton (8:30) followed by City making some god-awful form of meat pie out of West Ham (11:00).  YMMV.

On to the fun shit, conference championships galore!

Memphis at Central Florida, AAC (Noon, ABC)

Last week’s Directional Florida fixture was bananacakes, and one wonders if maybe the Knights will still be a bit hungover from that.  In any event, this will be a scoring fest, and worthy of channel flipping at least.

TCU v. Oklahoma, Big 12-ish (12:30, Fox)

The first time these sides played, Boomer Sooner prevailed easily.  But that was at home.  However, the Okies are on even more of a roll now, arguably playing better than any non-Aubie side around.  But Bloodeyes is never who you want to play with your playoff life on the line.  That’s waaaaayyyy too many caveats, and I’m still happy to hold a ticket on OU -4.5.

Georgia v. Auburn, SEEEEECCCCC, PAWWWWWLLLL (4:00, CBS)

Everybody seems to have forgotten about UGA (myself included), which makes me a bit nervous.  They were considered the best side in the land most of the year, but Auburn is just an awful matchup for them.  The Dawgs don’t pass that well, or often.  And Aubie is just physical as fuck, as we all saw in the Iron Bowl last week.  As stated above, easily the hottest side in all the JV landscape.

Fresno State at Boise State, MWC (7:45, ESPN)

Fresh off the dry run last week, these two will go at it once again.  One wonders why they didn’t stagger the time for a tweaker fixture?

Miami v. Clemson, ACC (8:00, ABC)

I always suspected Da U was gonna shit itself at some point, so glad they did so last week v. Pitt to get it out of the way.  Perhaps Team Jeebus Camp will be overconfident and get its hat handed to them.  I sure hope so.

Ohio State v. Wisconsin, B1G (8:00, Fox)

Finally, Bucky Badger will have its national “shit or get off the pot” moment.  Win, and they’re in.  tOSU is a bit up and down, and not sure they have enough to take them out, without their absolute A game (which they bring maybe once in four).

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

Premier League announcers are the best.

Announcer 1: ‘Wegner talking to the 4th official”

Announcer 2: “He’s asking for 30 minutes of injury time”

theeWeeBabySeamus

He damn sure decided he wan’t going down ’til he reached that marker.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO…that might be conservative estimate though.

scotchnaut

Too bad he’s so brown-otherwise I could call him ‘gritty’. smgdh

scotchnaut

Something no one has ever said to a Wendy’s Executive:

“Hey, congratulations on getting that coveted ‘official hamburger’ designation.”

scotchnaut

Something no one has ever said:

“I sure am in the mood for the official hamburger of NCAA football!”

Horatio Cornblower

I see Arsenal are putting forth their usual big game effort.

scotchnaut

BloodEyeDown!

scotchnaut

Shall we call that a TCU TD?

scotchnaut

Knee down, hand under ball.

Shogun Marcus

I need another bazillion replays to be sure.

Shogun Marcus

Is Nissan somehow IN star wars? Who greenlit this tie-in?
/cocaine. cocaine did.

Wakezilla

Man U’s goalie just made 2 super saves. MU still up by 1

scotchnaut

#21 on TCU can run.

Shogun Marcus

That ucf db who had the unsprotsman just now will fit in well at cincy.

scotchnaut

Trump: “Now take this kid Baker Mayfield, good kid, GREAT kid. Wouldn’t kneel if you gave him a million bucks-and he’s gonna make tons of money in the NFL, let me tell you. Folks, this kid plays the game the white way.”

Aide: [whispers in Trump’s ear]

Trump: “Not only does he play it the white way, he plays the game the right way.”

Aide: [shoulders slump]

rockingdog

hahahahaha

laserguru

I knew I should have booked an earlier flight to Vegas. Guess I’ll be fashionably late.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

We’ll keep a barstool warm for you.

laserguru

thanks. Y’all at the home casino?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not at casino yet. LCSS showering, then we’ll head down for a bit probably.
His check in isn’t until later so we’re kinda moving slowly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m reading up on Terminal 3 now, btw. Your flight goes there.

text me when you hit the ground and then head for passenger pick up when you get moving. The timing of that should work well I think. We’ll find ya one way or another.

laserguru

Sounds good.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This Memphis-UCF games is nucking futs.

scotchnaut

Could someone stop making Xmas car-buying a thing? Looking at you, Ford/Lexus, etc.

scotchnaut

But this is how it becomes a thing. Chocolates for Valentine’s Day wasn’t a thing until Cadbury pushed the notion and diamond engagement rings weren’t a thing until the good folks at De Beer’s got a silly idea in their head and ran with it.

scotchnaut

Some people got married because things went a little too far in the back seat of my grandfather’s car.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think there’s going to come a time in American history when poor people start killing rich people out of nothing more than spite? Cause I feel like the new tax bill is going to put us one step closer to that once its repercussions start to hit.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve often thought hat constantly fucking over the poor while refusing to do anything about the 2nd Amendment seems to be a poorly thought out plan.

Wakezilla

So, with net neutrality gone, Medicare about to be gone, tax cuts for the rich, massive tax increase for the not rich, and lots of cuts to programs looming, have Americans brought out their guns and guilletines yet and are finding those politicians?

Switch teams, Hippo!

scotchnaut

I’d foster-parent/sponsor a commenter or two…

laserguru

I also have a minor in accounting, can handle a P&L statement, balance the books, keep inventory, manage accounts payable and receivable, handle payroll and take care of shipping and receiving.
Did I mention I can cook?

laserguru

I’ll be the second.
And I cook and do dishes!

herodotus450

Well that was a competitive opening 140 seconds of this game.

scotchnaut

TCU needs to “WRAP ‘EM UP!”.

herodotus450

It’s a good thing Baker Mayfield is a senior (I think) because I’m running out of baker pun jokes for his name.

Wakezilla

You were on quit the rolls. At yeast you tried

scotchnaut

“I love the movie ‘Hoosiers’ yet I hate the Indiana basketball program. Isn’t that… what’s the word I’m looking for?”

-Alanis Morrisette

herodotus450

A proper application of the separation of fact and fiction?

scotchnaut

“Oh look, [crushes beer against his forehead] we got a *learner* over here.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[crushes three beer cans* against his forehead at the same time]

– Peyton Manning

*most likely Budweiser, unless they reject his marketing team’s terms

scotchnaut

Speaking of kids, Mine likes Greek salad except for red onions and cherry tomatoes. And sometimes the feta cheese is too strong. So basically, he likes lettuce and sliced black olives.

scotchnaut

Apparently the kid was responsive as he headed to the hospital, so that’s good.

scotchnaut

Head coach headed to the hospital with the kid.

scotchnaut

Kid has been stabilized and is breathing on his own. Good stuff.

scotchnaut

I just flipped to it-someone must be seriously hurt in the NC State basketball game. The crowd was completely silent as are the announcers.

scotchnaut

Ref is crying?

scotchnaut

Both teams sent to their locker rooms and the refs have left the floor.

scotchnaut

South Carolina State bench player had some sort of medical issue on the sideline.

Fronkenshteen

I’m blacked out of that game. What’s going on?

scotchnaut

Not much to tell-he was on the bench, then was surrounded by trainers, was laid out on the floor and the EMT’s showed up fast and got him onto a stretcher. Oxygen mask was on his face.

scotchnaut

They don’t know the name of the player yet.

rockingdog

He is Broseidon, Lord of all the Brocean.

rockingdog

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

tWBS: Tell him I said “Fuck you.” I’d do it myself, but my computer’s updating.

He didn’t spring for the nice WiFi apparently.

Don T

Hey ya fellas who are in Vegas:
I hope you have a slammin’ time. And also put $100 from me on 0. I’m good for it.* Wreck the town ya degenerates!

* “It” being you keep 10% of all winnings and assume all losses. Hey, I’m not there to scout the roulette; it’s on you.

laserguru

Will you accept a 20 dollar bet and a hearty congratulations instead?

I plan on using the Titans in a parlay on Sunday.

Don T

Hmm… -7 and 43.
I’d take the under and that’s it. TEN has learned to win (according to 4th QRT scores), but they start SLOOOO. Tits D has been great against bad offenses. O’s not there, and HOU’s a tire fire.
Really hope you break the bank.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I like those odds!

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Senor Weaselo

Lizard people. Actually, at this point I’d rather the lizard people in the Senate.

scotchnaut

This chatting has made me a wee bit peckish…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5oD_thIk3c

laserguru

Oddly captivating.
Now I want an egg sandwich.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My onions are on the stove top right now. Omelettes in 15-20.

scotchnaut

Eggpocalypse Update: I got it figured out-the solution was really over-easy.

/I’ll be signing autographs from 2-2:30 behind your favourite dumpster

herodotus450

I bet it took some real hard-boiled detective work to solve, eh?

scotchnaut

[points to noggin]

“It’s albumin the way you use this fella right here.”

Shogun Marcus

The yolks write themselves!

Shogun Marcus

Did you poach a driver?

scotchnaut

I told him, “Get Crackin’!”

laserguru

It looked like you were going to have to really scramble there for a minute.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now you can proudly say “Zygote it done”

herodotus450

So apparently Miami (FL) and Auburn and TCU are way overrated so I’m just gonna pen them in for a loss. So it comes down to Wisconsin being undefeated, Alabama playing in the SEC, OSU bringing in the money, or USC glory-days-getting-old-sotprswriters-hard for the last playoff spot?

herodotus450

Does anyone think either of those teams (or any other team in the country, really) can beat the other top 3?

Shogun Marcus

Yeah I’d avoid any monetary action on osu/wiscy. There’s just no way to know which teams show up.

scotchnaut

/customer owns a breakfast/lunch restaurant that is surrounded by three hotels

My Rep: (on Thursday) “Are you sure you only need 3 cases of eggs for tomorrow? The Silver Stick hockey tournament has over 100 teams playing this year.”

Guy: “Naw, I’ll be good.”

Rep: “You’re sure?”

Guy: “Yep!”

Guess who called my rep last night and said, “I need 9 cases (there’s 180 in each case, btw) of eggs as fast as you can get them here!” Also, guess who will be driving 2 hours each way today to make that delivery if he can’t find anyone to do it?

Horatio Cornblower

This guy?

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scotchnaut

What’s his hourly rate? Do you have his number?

/I like the Playboy hood ornament. Nice touch.

montythisseemsstrangetome

This is less a reply to Scotchy’s scenario than it is Hippo’s life philosophy.

ballsofsteelandfury

Get ready for some HOT LA Liga action!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I believe someone requested Emily Blunt in Charlie Wilson’s War after I went to sleep last night:

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rockingdog
theeWeeBabySeamus

Lotsa movement in Clem/Miami line last day or so.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Low Commander ordering breakfast at the airport, artist’s conception:

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Unsurprised

I want to make this perfect but it’s too much work.

Fronkenshteen

I’d be angrier about the Senate republicans today, but I’m becoming more convinced each day that I’m already living the terrifying future I’m so afraid of. I’m their serf, and there’s nothing I’m ever going to be able to do about it because The South. Wake me when the revolution starts, which increasingly looks like it will be never.

herodotus450

From some cursory research I done did, the bill has to still be reconciled between the house and senate versions (which also probably means that any dumb-fuck congressman on that committee can do what they want with it), then the reconciled version has to pass both the house and senate again. Then signed by the president. Say, isn’t congress’ 3 month work year about over? Shouldn’t they all be heading home for a while and not working?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, so that’s technically true and hopefully definitely true once they figure out what they fucked up in hastily passing this, but I’m betting on them railroading it through the House so there’s only one more vote rather than two (or more if they ping ponged the bill). Then they’ll need to pass technical corrections later when they realize they accidentally taxed the Koch Brothers favorite dog fighting ring or something. We be fucked.

Unsurprised

Let it go and just survive with what, and especially who, you have now.

Don T

This ☝?, what he said.
And if you can help someone in need, do it—I’d add.

Fronkenshteen

Just to know we had it in us, right?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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[Stomps and claps are heard in the distance]

Don T

Serfdom? Hold my unrefrigerated beer.
-Puerto Rico
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Fronkenshteen

No. I can’t explain what I want. I just want people to….THINK RIGHT, dammit. Follow Christ CORRECTLY, if it’s going to be their whole fucking identity. Stop being so easily snapped up by these wolves in sheeps’ clothing they vote for and worship before.
Terror acts wouldn’t change a single goddam one of their minds. The revolution is going to have to take place in the American church. NAWT TOO SEXY!!!

Don T

/taps fingers on table

No comment.

Fronkenshteen

Did I fuck up? Sorry. I didn’t mean anything dismissive of Christ.

Don T

Agreed. Liberation Theology is pretty OK too—at least for this atheist. But if I loved my neighbor as I love myself, I’d be doin’ time for aggravated assault.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nah, you’re good. I got what you meant.

Fronkenshteen

More good work from the party of Jesus.

Senor Weaselo

I’m quoting the penultimate frame of this strip, obviously. (Goddammit Rappoccio, it isn’t https.)
http://www.thedrawplay.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/2015-06-02-Suckitpoors.png

Wakezilla

Oh, they’re going for straight up slavery in 2 years. I’m not even joking

Unsurprised

We never got rid of slavery. Check § 2 of the 13th Amendment, which basically says “Yeah, but … PYSCH!”

Unsurprised

I really want to go back to L.A.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Beers on me when you do.

litre_cola

G’morin chaps. I see the scumbags are up 2-1, didja know that their stadium isn’t even in Chelsea? It is in Fulham. They can go fuck themselves.

Unsurprised

I’m psyched for footie!

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s not a foot…

Unsurprised

Good morning. The Senate ass-raped the American people while you were asleep.

scotchnaut

Well, it is a day ending with ‘y’, after all.

Unsurprised

Indeed.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I legit understand about 35% of Hippo’s nomenclature.

scotchnaut

Bananacakes: Strange, defying logic, unexpected yet thrilling eg. “And when her husband walked in on us and decided to join in? Totally bananacakes, man!”

Unsurprised

Speak English to me, Tony. I thought this country spawned the fucking language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

Also, and relevant to lesser footie,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV2_HwFO9kg

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