Welcome back to the Tuesday Temptation Island Talk Open Thread! Let’s get right to it!

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What Happened?

Kendal boned Alexcys.

That much is obvious. As to where he boned her (besides his bedroom) is unknown. However, unless he employed the rarely-used missionary-anal technique, I’m guessing it was the traditional location.

Again, they really milked the shit out of this episode. Besides seeing Kendal bone Alexcys, a short snippet of the third dates, a bunch of bullshit drama surrounding Chelsea that I frankly don’t give a shit about, and the start of the next bonfire, there wasn’t much else.

That’s it. Let’s get to it.

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Was there anything juicy or were there funny moments?

Let’s take them chronologically:

• The title of the episode is “Blake the Fake” and I would slap somebody that actually said this. Of course, someone did or it wouldn’t be an episode title, so I’m now super curious who is the idiot I have to slap.
• We start off with the “Previously on” and I really wish I could fast forward through this shit but I guess they gotta fill 10 minutes because of COVID…
• Shaquille tells Erin she is “dope as shit”. That’s an interesting way to give a compliment.
• Evan has a flower on his right ear and isn’t that the ear that is supposed to signify that someone is taken? He’s a Single, so that makes me confused but I’m really overthinking this as this is Temptation Fucking Island and I shouldn’t expect logic.
• Meanwhile, he tells her a story about a dead relative and I’m such a cynical asshole that I think he’s just doing that to get her to feel close to him and that there is no fucking dead step-father.
• The Blake-Chelsea bullshit is starting and I can’t even.
• Shaquille is pissed off that Erin chose Dead Step Dad for her third date and Blake is pissed off that Chelsea is talking to some other dude and I think someone needs to give them a paintbrush to help them get the sand out of their vaginas.
• I need a palate cleanser

• Ok, much better now.
• They go straight to the dates and the coupled girls go on ATVs.
• Chelsea flips the ATV and I saw Jessie ManBun hold the rollbar that’s over his head and I was cringing because that is a BAD FUCKING IDEA! Seriously, I know a guy that crushed his left hand doing that and I have the nasty pictures to prove it.
• Sofia’s tits went horseback riding.
• Apparently everyone else went on a “Cowboy” date and Amanda looks really good in a cowboy hat.
• Wait, apparently only half the coupled girls went on ATVs. Erin and Kristen took their dates “soccer golfing”, which is really unfair.
• And apparently the same thing happened with the coupled boys as Julian went on a boat with Maya. That’s kinda fucked up because Kendal is afraid of the water but he’s playing it safe by staying on board with Alexcys.
• “I like dark chocolate”. Trust us, Alexcys, we know.
• When the boys get back to the villa, the Single Girls organize a Talent Show and I’m actually really looking forward to this.
• Alexcys wins. She says her talent is making the first move and then goes over to Kendal and starts making out with him in front of everyone.
• At the Girls’ villa, there is a slumber party and it’s all blah blah blah drama about Blake being fake and no I’m not going to talk about it.
• I really like Alex from Sacramento because he has that goofy drunk look that fun dudes have. He would fit in quite well at DFO.
• “Now I don’t doubt for a second that she loves you, but I doubt whether it’s for the right reasons.” Damn, that’s some deep shit, Amanda!
• Everyone is heading off to bed and I can see what’s going to happen…
• Kendal: “I’m full-blown single” and that’s both a PHRASING and the understatement of the year.

• Mark L comes in and tells the guys they have bonfire that night. I have an idea what Erica is going to see…
• Here we go… /rubs hands together
• Kristen goes first and sees Julian talking to Maya about how he sees a lot of his girlfriend in her. She doesn’t see anything wrong with his interactions.
• Mark L tells her he is perplexed with her and he really just means that she’s fucked in the head.
• Erin sees Amanda talking Texas with Corey and it’s innocent but she thinks it sucks. She doesn’t like him making a connection with Amanda.
• Chelsea sees Tom putting a flower on Sofia’s ear and being flirty. Of course, she blames Tom and thinks he’s disrespecting their relationship and she’s an idiot.
• And now we get to Erica and YOU KNOW what she’s going to see!
• Erica says she’s “good” and it’s obvious she’s not good.
• She also reveals that she was cheated on every weekend in a previous relationship and then Kendal cheated on her and she made an exception and that really tells you all you need to know about her.
• Mark L does a great job of telling all the girls that they are carrying pain from a previous relationship/incident and they’re not letting it go and I really hope they all understand that because it’s the deepest truth he can tell them.
• And that’s all she wrote.

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Which couples are breaking up?

Couple #1

For Tom’s mental wellbeing, I really hope so. Chelsea is a Karen shrew that has really bad judgment. He is WAY better off without her.

Couple #2

As predicted last week, we got to see Kendal bang Alexcys in Episode 4. So did Erica. If she takes him back, she’s a moron.

Couple #3

I’m sticking with last week’s assessment of “the more I see, the more I think they will stay together.” I dunno why, but it just feels like that’s what will happen.

Couple #4

I really REALLY hope that Julian finds someone else because Kristen is worse than Chelsea and that’s saying A LOT.

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Are there any Singles that stood out/you’d like to bang?

Amanda has definitely replaced Alexcys as my favourite single. She is beautiful, looks to be smart and caring, and has a rack and a half.

I’m off the Shaquille and Dr. Blake bandwagon because neither of them handled the drama correctly. For one, Shaquille caught feelings for Erin and that was way too early. For two, Dr. Blake should have told Chelsea to fuck off when she started doubting him. That would have solved the problem real quick.

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I’ll be writing recaps of every episode and publishing on the Tuesday the next episode airs.

Temptation Island airs every Tuesday night on USA Network at 10 PM Eastern, 9 PM Central. You can also catch up on prior episodes (if you sign in with a cable or satellite account) and see behind the scene clips on the USA Network website: https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland

Let your excitement bubble over in the comments. If we all behave ourselves, maybe we can live-blog this baby!