Six Years? Six Damn Years.

I found [site redacted] back in 2007. I don’t exactly recall the first time I found [site redacted], though I do recall the almost instantaneous connection I felt.  Though I didn’t comment for well over a year, I lurked, and just laughed and laughed and laughed. I had heard about [site redacted] and how much fun they had, poking fun at the NFL, enjoying the games, and, again, poking fun at the bullshit the NFL is.

King Laserface, THE BEN, Ookie, Britfarr… Everything about [site redacted] made me howl with laughter. Often times, my office mates would look at me weird, ask me what was so funny. Too many “inside jokes” made too hard for them to understand.

Flash forward to Roanoke, VA circa fall 2009. A very frustrated, disappointed, and disillusioned lurker was not enjoying himself. Life simply wasn’t working out for this lurker. Despite publishing a book on Central Asian politics (still available on Amazon.com!), he just couldn’t find work in that pissshit of a city, no matter where. Local community college? NOAP. Police department? NOAP. Movie theater? NOAP. Target? NOAP. A certain lurker at [site redacted] found solace first in The Office streaming online, then MST3K streaming online. These were quite hilarious, and help said lurker for a while. Then, this lurker finally decided to nut-up, and just start kommentating at [site redacted].  The Lurker then decided to finally choose a name for himself in said group. Somehow, someway, he was welcomed.

Almost immediately, this lurker found a home. A funny, interesting corp of other people, who not only loved FOOBAWL, but, weren’t afraid to rip on it. This cadre of people seemed to appreciate The Lurker’s strange, off-beat humor. This Lurker was pensive at first, not wanting to overstep boundaries. But, this Lurker began to learn as long as you weren’t a limpdick shitfuck (looking at you, Derek From Muncie and Dancing Baptist), everyone was welcome. It was hilarious, it was entertaining, and it felt like home.

The Lurker and his wife then moved to Charlottesville, VA, so Lurker’s wife could start a better job. By this time, the Lurker was welcomed, and seemingly appreciated. This was not lost on the Lurker. He very much loved the sense of community, of belonging. Things were going very well in Charlottesville. Both wifey and The Lurker were working, starting to establish themselves. Shortly after the Giants beat the GREATRIOTS in a second Super Bowk, The Lurker’s wife was accepted into an exceptionally selective MS program at an Ivy League school in Philadelphia, PA. Suddenly, The Lurker’s life changed again; wifey wasn’t allowed to work, so it was up to that shitstain.

As weird, confusing, and distressing as Lurker and wife’s tenure was in Philadelphia, a certain sect of online miscreants never let him down. No matter how stressful life got, The Lurker had a place to turn, with a community that would help. They were always there with a joke, a quip, an hilarious observation, not just of the NFL, but of the world at large. Every day. Every single day, off-season, preaseason, mid-season, post-season, it didn’t matter. This helped The Lurker from 2008 until today in ways he can’t describe. That feeling of community, of belonging, of camaraderie. From 2008 until then, The Lurker knew he had online friends who would be there.

Flash forward again, when [site redacted] decided to oust its founders, it’s core of readers and fans. Instead of dispersing into the wild of the interwebz, one of those fans decided to set up an oasis, a beacon in the night for his counterparts. That, today, is where we are. I’m extraordinarily happy to be a part of that group. Yinz guys and gals make the daily grind infintestably better. I’m so very, VERY grateful to DTZM for his efforts to rally us back together.

It’s been six years since I finally joined this kommunity. I love you all. Thank yinz so very, very much for letting me be a part of it. Thank you original Gay Mafia for starting this, and THANK YOU Kommentist Party for keeping it alive. I love each and every one of you. You make the ordinary drench of life exponentially better. I’m so very happy and grateful to you all. I spent five years away from family and friends, and you took me in as one of your own. You didn’t have to do that, but still did. I can’t express my appreciation and my love you yinz slapdicks. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again.

We now return you our regularly scheduled dick joke.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
41 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
scotchnaut

We had our dog spatially fixed-she limped around for a bit afterwards but she’s right as rain now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As a relative newb (is that still the proper term you young’uns?) around here, I can echo WCS’s sentiments verbatim. You good peoples have embraced me and my decidedly dour nature pretty much from the jump, and it doesn’t go unappreciated. Amazingly enough, I feel more at home here now than at my (and Hippo’s) NCSU-centric interwebz stomping grounds, where pissing and moaning abounds over every perceived slight. They be some very repressed mofo’s over there.

Bottom line….youse are good peoples ’round these parts. But if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll fucking deny it.

...

It’s good to hear about another long time lurker. I’m not even sure how long I lurked around KSK before posting. I do recall that Magary’s Sex Cannon post was one of the first things that brought me there. I probably got in trouble for sharing that damned post at work. That or for screaming, “Fuck it! I’m going deep!” at random times.

I’m also glad to hear another story about how our little community helped someone throught a dark time. I ended a relationship shortly after moving to Chicago, struggled mightily to make new friends, and then had many of those friends move away. The live blogs of so many Sundays was one of the things that helped me weather personal and professional instability.

So, a toast to you Mr. Scheinder, for having the balls to start a conversation that makes us remember how much we still have.

ballsofsteelandfury

Thank God no one got molested!

Right back at ya, WCS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Apparently my first komment was 10/16/2011. That was also after a LOT of lurking and laughing along with kommenters who made some hard times a little easier. Thanks, WCS, for saying what we were all thinking. You’re the Donald Trump of DFO.

Sill Bimmons

You’ve totally motivated me to finish the two books I have languishing on my hard drive.

Sill Bimmons

I just bought your book.

I’m totally fascinated by post-collapse Soviet republics.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Awesome post, and major apologies for missing your PM*, WCS! I myself was a [site redacted] lurker until I fell into the warm embrace of dark humor, bitterness, and a shared disdain for all things Dungy.

*We have those? Who knew???

blaxabbath

We do?

I mean, the capability of course, because no one contacted me, fuckers!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Awww, we love you too, Sill.

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t care who you are, that’s fucking funny right there!

Horatio Cornblower

I will never get tired of these.

Doktor Zymm

BTW, I’m following you on Amazon now. Hurry up and write something else so I get a notification!

jjfozz

STOP MAKING ME LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE STEELERS FANS

Seriously, this group of doofuses (doofusi?) has entertained the hell out of me, and kept me sane when I was starting my business and would sit in front of my desk, waiting for the phone to ring, and contemplating whether to watch a soap opera or go get a job at 7-11 or strike out for the territories.

I’ve also learned a great deal about footbawl, and my capacity for bourble.

King Hippo

If I ever wrote a book, it would be about a serial killer, from the serial killer’s point of view. It would take me 10-15 years, because I procrastinate, and it would be awful, because I am stupid.

Don T

I wanted to write a book, but “Memoirs of a Geisha” was already taken. And now some guy writes about dispossession and it’s not about Puerto Rico? Tut. TUT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Coach got real mad at me that one time I had four dispossessions in one game.”

Eli Manning

Horatio Cornblower

Write your own goddamn autobiography pal.

Don T

Well said. I gladly join your gratitude to DTZM and all the brilliant maniacs here.
Way back then, I had a feeling the Kommenters could grind, consistently, better posts than the aggregate talent. Now there is ample proof of that.
Long live DFO, the ‘Murika to that site’s England.

Horatio Cornblower

$66 for a paperback!?

I think I found your problem Mark Twain.

Duchess

Its a tight niche market now what we all need to do is set this book up on Clickbank and become affiliate marketers. Hey everyone flood amazon with 3/4/5 star reviews… make sure to wait a while between posts over the next coming days and weeks as not to rouse too much suspicion.

jjfozz

THIS BOOK, I CALL IT CHINESE FOOD BECAUSE AFTER I FINISHED IT, I CAME BACK WANTING MORE

King Hippo

you can get it used from $75!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

But will the pages be stuck together? If so, totes worth the extra scratch.

ballsofsteelandfury

Only 3 more dollars….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I found this to be heartfelt and wonderful, except for the end, which was a huge gut punch, because I was expecting The Lurker to turn out to be Jim Caldwell.

/but seriously, I will reiterate what I said at Christmas: football simply wouldn’t be football without you folks.

ThePirateSloth

comment image

Sill Bimmons

Nov. 11, 2011 was my first komment.

jjfozz

And it was my 43rd birthday, the one where I got a gigantic tattoo of Scooby Doo etched onto my back.

Sill Bimmons
SonOfSpam

Your book is only $66? I wish someone had told me about this before Christmas!

Anyway, you’ve expressed my feelings as well, so thanks for that.

Old School Zero

HEY! STOP CUTTING THOSE FUCKING ONIONS WHEN THE DUST EXHAUST FAN IS BLOWING!

blaxabbath

That does it! I’m fucking convinced that every other profile on here is just you, Brad! Ha ha — really fucking funny. Another elaborate “Brad gets Blax” hoax.

Know this, shitburglar, if I see you out near Alison and I even see you get that stupid fucking grin on your face and go into, “Hey, anyone can catfish Blax with one online identity but wait until you hear about what I did with a WordPress account and a dozen made up gmail account [I even wrote a fucking asia book!]..” I am going to stab your fucking eyes out.

Fuck the internet and fuck you, Brad!

The Maestro

I came to [redacted] in September of 2010 when the Gay Mafia was in its final days of original glory. I’m just so happy to be part of the spirit that’s carried on since I first registered to comment, and you guys are by far my favourite online community anywhere. You’ve taught me so much about the game and what it means to be a sports fan overall – I’ve learned a shitload more about football in the last 5+ years than I had in all the time watching and following before then.

If I didn’t live so very north of the Wall, I’d have ventured down and enjoyed some bourbles with you all by now. I hope I may one day still get that chance.

Cheers, you wonderful people.

Enrico Pallazzo

Why did you join [*Redacted] s.com? I’m a Redacteds fan and even I don’t go there. Poor choice IMO.

laserguru

Damn glad you’re here WCS. This really is a special group of imaginary people.

Nicely said.

Sill Bimmons

I prefer to think of myself as “virtual.”

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

We love you too, WCS. Maybe I will buy your book and pretend to read it when I’m around people I think are smarter than me. Which is always.