Six Years? Six Damn Years.

I found [site redacted] back in 2007. I don’t exactly recall the first time I found [site redacted], though I do recall the almost instantaneous connection I felt.  Though I didn’t comment for well over a year, I lurked, and just laughed and laughed and laughed. I had heard about [site redacted] and how much fun they had, poking fun at the NFL, enjoying the games, and, again, poking fun at the bullshit the NFL is.

King Laserface, THE BEN, Ookie, Britfarr… Everything about [site redacted] made me howl with laughter. Often times, my office mates would look at me weird, ask me what was so funny. Too many “inside jokes” made too hard for them to understand.

Flash forward to Roanoke, VA circa fall 2009. A very frustrated, disappointed, and disillusioned lurker was not enjoying himself. Life simply wasn’t working out for this lurker. Despite publishing a book on Central Asian politics (still available on Amazon.com!), he just couldn’t find work in that pissshit of a city, no matter where. Local community college? NOAP. Police department? NOAP. Movie theater? NOAP. Target? NOAP. A certain lurker at [site redacted] found solace first in The Office streaming online, then MST3K streaming online. These were quite hilarious, and help said lurker for a while. Then, this lurker finally decided to nut-up, and just start kommentating at [site redacted].  The Lurker then decided to finally choose a name for himself in said group. Somehow, someway, he was welcomed.

Almost immediately, this lurker found a home. A funny, interesting corp of other people, who not only loved FOOBAWL, but, weren’t afraid to rip on it. This cadre of people seemed to appreciate The Lurker’s strange, off-beat humor. This Lurker was pensive at first, not wanting to overstep boundaries. But, this Lurker began to learn as long as you weren’t a limpdick shitfuck (looking at you, Derek From Muncie and Dancing Baptist), everyone was welcome. It was hilarious, it was entertaining, and it felt like home.

The Lurker and his wife then moved to Charlottesville, VA, so Lurker’s wife could start a better job. By this time, the Lurker was welcomed, and seemingly appreciated. This was not lost on the Lurker. He very much loved the sense of community, of belonging. Things were going very well in Charlottesville. Both wifey and The Lurker were working, starting to establish themselves. Shortly after the Giants beat the GREATRIOTS in a second Super Bowk, The Lurker’s wife was accepted into an exceptionally selective MS program at an Ivy League school in Philadelphia, PA. Suddenly, The Lurker’s life changed again; wifey wasn’t allowed to work, so it was up to that shitstain.

As weird, confusing, and distressing as Lurker and wife’s tenure was in Philadelphia, a certain sect of online miscreants never let him down. No matter how stressful life got, The Lurker had a place to turn, with a community that would help. They were always there with a joke, a quip, an hilarious observation, not just of the NFL, but of the world at large. Every day. Every single day, off-season, preaseason, mid-season, post-season, it didn’t matter. This helped The Lurker from 2008 until today in ways he can’t describe. That feeling of community, of belonging, of camaraderie. From 2008 until then, The Lurker knew he had online friends who would be there.

Flash forward again, when [site redacted] decided to oust its founders, it’s core of readers and fans. Instead of dispersing into the wild of the interwebz, one of those fans decided to set up an oasis, a beacon in the night for his counterparts. That, today, is where we are. I’m extraordinarily happy to be a part of that group. Yinz guys and gals make the daily grind infintestably better. I’m so very, VERY grateful to DTZM for his efforts to rally us back together.

It’s been six years since I finally joined this kommunity. I love you all. Thank yinz so very, very much for letting me be a part of it. Thank you original Gay Mafia for starting this, and THANK YOU Kommentist Party for keeping it alive. I love each and every one of you. You make the ordinary drench of life exponentially better. I’m so very happy and grateful to you all. I spent five years away from family and friends, and you took me in as one of your own. You didn’t have to do that, but still did. I can’t express my appreciation and my love you yinz slapdicks. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again.

We now return you our regularly scheduled dick joke.