Straight White Male Super Bowl 2016: The Oscar Nominees for Best White Female Acting

The Oscars are almost upon us, with all their unpredictability. You don’t need an oracle to tell you what will happen. You don’t even need a film critic. You need someone who sees into the very souls of the Academy voters. You need a Straight White Man.

I talked a fair bit about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy in my post on the male acting awards, where a large number of actors of color were passed over. The lens works there, but it’s not as good a fit for the women. Yes, this is still a very white group, and I think it’s easy to identify some of the weaker performances in these categories, but there’s a genuine question who you’d replace them with. Tessa Thompson was very good in Creed, I thought, but I come up blank after her. Unlike with the men’s acting categories, it’s more likely that the culprit is an absence of opportunities than an absence of recognition.

Anyway, here are your nominees for the women’s acting awards.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight – It seems like it’d be easy enough to dismiss Leigh here, because she’s at the center of so many of the aspects of The Hateful Eight that strike me as deliberate, senseless, and frankly annoying provocation. I can’t dismiss her, though, because she turns in such a great and gutsy performance, sparkling with malice and spite. Anywhere else she’d be ludicrously over the top, sure, but here she somehow manages to ground the film.

Rooney Mara, Carol – It’s probably only due to the bigger, brighter onscreen presence of Cate Blanchett’s Carol Aird that she’s in the lead category and Mara got the supporting nomination. (It may also simply reflect the weakness of supporting actress performances this year relative to the leads.) It sure looked to me like Mara had more screen time, and despite the title, Carol really is first of all a story about Mara’s Therese Belivet. It’s easy to play the ingénue as simply doe-eyed and passive, and I know some critics have accused Mara of doing exactly that. I don’t see it. I see her enthusiasm about model trains, her nervousness about what Carol will think of her, her self-directed bitterness when things go wrong. And Mara’s pulling double duty in a sense here, because she doesn’t just determine what we think of Therese; she determines, to a significant degree, what we think of Carol. It’s important for the audience to believe in Therese’s agency in this film, or Carol comes off as a creep at best or an outright sexual predator at worst, and Mara’s up to the task of showing us this quiet girl has a backbone.

Rachel McAdams, Spotlight – I saw Spotlight before the Academy announced its nominees, and this nomination surprised me because I really thought McAdams was overshadowed by her co-actors. She does play an important role here, though, as the member of the team the Church’s victims seem most willing to talk to, and allows reporter Sacha Pfeiffer’s intelligence and sensitivity to shine through. I’m still not certain this would have been one of my picks, but I absolutely get it.

Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl – People keep saying Vikander was nominated for the wrong role, and I’m here to tell you that’s nonsense. Vikander is very good in Ex Machina, playing Ava with a low-key cunning, but she’s on a completely different level in The Danish Girl, playing what really ought to be considered a lead role as she responds to the transformation of the person she knows as her husband Einar in turns with mirth, mischief, concern, frustration, fear, and tenderness. As good as Eddie Redmayne is, I don’t think this movie has anywhere near the same impact without Vikander.

Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs – Winslet’s steady here, and she certainly does a much better Polish accent than Michael Fassbender does an American one, but she never jumped off the screen at me. I’ll just have to admit to not getting this one.

Will Win/Should Win: Alicia Vikander.

Second Choice: Rooney Mara.

Upset Special: Kate Winslet, who’s already picked up a couple of big awards this season whether I like it or not.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Cate Blanchett, Carol – I think the sharpest take I’ve read on Carol‘s exclusion from the Best Picture race is that it’s not because the film’s about a lesbian romance as such, but because the movie doesn’t really have any use for its male characters. The only male perspective in the movie that’s likely to earn anyone’s sympathy only appears in three or so scenes. It’s the disregard for that perspective that I suspect alienated a lot of Oscar voters who couldn’t relate to the movie because they didn’t see themselves in it. That got me thinking about why we so insist on seeing people like ourselves in romantic films, probably more than any other type. I understand the basic impulse, but so much fictional romance ends up being trash because characters who are just placeholders for audience insertion. (Twilight‘s Bella has to be one of the most infamous examples here.) Carol doesn’t suffer from this problem. I think very few viewers are likely to relate much to Carol Aird, who’s wealthy, reserved, and more than a bit chilly. But it turns out that’s fine! In Carol, it’s the feelings, not the people, that we’re meant to relate to. As I noted in the writing awards post, what makes Carol work is the constantly building tension between the two leads as they navigate their own feelings and each other’s in a world that’s openly hostile to them, and Blanchett plays Carol with such vulnerability underneath her superficial composure that I felt compelled to root for her and Therese independently of whether I liked them or saw anything of myself in them.

Brie Larson, Room – There’s no doubt Larson does the most acting in this category. In my opinion, she’s at her best depicting the strain of daily life in captivity and Joy’s (no, not that Joy!) determination to escape, but she also makes Joy’s descent into depression afterward—the mirror image of her son Jack’s steady acclimation to the real world—feel real and immediate.

Jennifer Lawrence, Joy – Joy‘s a very recognizably David O. Russell film with a very recognizably David O. Russell cast, and a pretty good movie that wasn’t much of a critical success. It’s easy to see why the Academy liked Lawrence, though: her Joy is a tough, ambitious entrepreneur surrounded by exasperatingly dysfunctional people, squarely in the voters’ wheelhouse for female roles.

Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years – There wasn’t a bleaker movie on this list than 45 Years, and even though it runs fully an hour less than The Hateful Eight, it’s probably the film I’d least like to rewatch. That’s not because it’s bad—it’s not—but because it’s painful; it’s a front-row seat for the sudden disintegration of a long marriage, and Rampling’s performance quietly wrings every last bit of emotion out of it.

Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn – Ronan practically embodies homesickness (and on one occasion, also seasickness) early on in this one. She’s an extremely expressive actress, but she never overplays it, and her capacity for nuance in expression really brings home Eilis’s conflicting thoughts and feelings. (It occurs to me that this would have made her an excellent second choice to play The Hunger Games‘ Katniss Everdeen, since so much of the books really takes place inside Katniss’s head.) If I’m honest, I have a hard time making a case for Ronan over Larson or Rampling, but Ronan’s certainly good enough in Brooklyn to get a nomination just about any year.

Will Win/Should Win: Brie Larson.

Second Choice: Cate Blanchett.

Upset Special: Charlotte Rampling. This would be a hell of a surprise, but I can’t say I’d be disappointed by it. As rough as 45 Years is to watch, only DiCaprio and Larson this year can claim to have carried a movie the way Rampling carried this one.

 

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makeitsnowondem
make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Denver.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
WCS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My favorite Rage against the machine song. I have no clue why I love it so much. I just do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEoesmnYU4&index=13&list=PL2EbESdPFdo4mwoBcGyhbitX3kq6PFAwB

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Sorry about the repost

WCS

It’s a bloody good song.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

!00% for WCS, that being said I love this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hglVqACd1C8

WCS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

OK, I know i posted this before. I Love this track

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEoesmnYU4

WCS

Sirius XM played this yesterday.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
WCS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

need a theme for music or going to bed. I know you are out there!

WCS

Can’t ever go wrong with Tool!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Too bad, already went with Soul Coughing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEFQTY4hjUk&feature=related

WCS

Lousy Canadians. You gonna play Soup Dragons next?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

@porky Nothing will ever replace her. I am sorry I went gif when I shouldn’t have to relieve stress. I never met her but she loved you, and that is all I will ever need to know

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
WCS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This man is a hero or supporter of a fucking idiot. I vote hero, but that comes from the idiot

WCS

I’m just glad someone is still around.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I pretended I was going to sleep. Obvious lie. I request a theme on music or boobs. It is 3 am so I would lean music, but whatever

WCS

I have a bazillion things going through my brain right now. There aren’t words to express how bad I feel for Porky and his family.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have wept at least 3 times tonight…I still feel like an asshole. Have no clue what to do

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am crying again

WCS

At least it isn’t just me.

I will say this: our group is really good at rallying for one of our own.

WCS

I think I screwed that up. You asked for music and/or theme. My bad.

The words just keep getting closer and closer! Willie is going to have to release the ceiling trap before things get crushed.

entropy

In addition to an XKCD re-read that can be laid directly at the feet of Dok Z, lsomeone else’s first viewing of DEADWOOD got me completely hooked on the show al over again

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

For some reason I think you are as drunk as me. I am gonna post another Cake song even though I should fuck off

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I never harassed you with this one. Cake – Never there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxqaI_c9j_g

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Fuck it only only one more. They annoyed me by trying to restrict it every time

http://www.skandaliky.sk/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/jennifer-lawrence-sexy-gif1-300×270.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Wakezilla

That awkward moment when you feel like typing about your day because it was a shit show but you’re too tired and pissed off and your buzz has worn off.

Damn, this day was booty

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

She seems nice

Wakezilla

She definitely seems friendly and is a fan of it all being from the hip.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am hanging around and don’t want to leave Wakezilla hanging. Jennifer Lawrence pics I opened up 8 hours ago

http://bonnier.imgix.net/jennifer_lawrence_is_steamy_in_sexy_gifs_37-ScQ1Gn7DMtGtXWDRzQcdyg.gif?auto=format&ixjsv=1.0.24&w=610

Wakezilla

J-Law in that two piece is just. . . *bites knuckle*

Wakezilla

comment image?oh=1e10b6a0f25b89d65a9d97358e7872b0&oe=5769A850

Wakezilla

comment image?oh=1e10b6a0f25b89d65a9d97358e7872b0&oe=5769A850

entropy

This here is Murray the Maladjusted Misanthropic Massive Mutated Monster…. and he finally tied his damn balloon on his wrist. Be kind:

http://56.media.tumblr.com/da1205f995f22f10bb81e87814b5e6e8/tumblr_o351y7TNtp1uf51wyo1_1280.jpg

Senor Weaselo

All right, I assume this is the open thread, and I need to vent. It’s… jeez, I feel like a dick in light of earlier events this evening, but… well, I am a goddamned fool, guys. More than usual. And I can’t wait for the mailbag, every reply will be after the fact and I’d say it’s me anyway.

WARNING NOW: ASS-TON OF TEXT. I apologize.

So I’ve mentioned this girl here a couple times, but to recap, friend of mine from school, kissed me at a Halloween party (I was Morty), went and saw Star Wars (her first Star Wars experience) among other things. And even though she didn’t mean anything by the kiss (but was my first), it took a hold on me. I tried to say “Fuck it, let’s try this” back in December, and she said she couldn’t give me the kind of relationship I deserved, that hand-holding, caring kind. But she’s my perpetual lunch partner and every time she puts her arm in mine or her head on my shoulder walking back I know it’s fool’s gold, I know, but goddammit, I wish it was real, and it makes me think “Dammit, there’s potential for it to be that, just…” It drives me crazy, in addition to me being absolutely crazy about her.

I’m only 24, but never been in a relationship, and some pretty ridiculous things have happened leading to some heartbreaks that I haven’t fully recovered from. It’s taken its toll. I have a phenomenal memory, which means I can’t let things go once they stick in my craw. Like my feelings. Like my past problems. It leaves me thinking whether I’m good enough for anyone, heck, for myself. That’s what my sonata was about, dealing with my depression, my insecurities, my inferiority complex.

It’s also given me a nasty green streak. Friday an acquaintance let slip that he had a thing for her too and that they’d been making out after rehearsals and he was planning on asking her out. And I kinda tried to simultaneously play it coy to him and size him up—she had texted me once that he was hitting on her and she laughed it off, but for me it wasn’t funny anymore, and I thought back of the fact they’d been talking earlier that night and I came to bother her and she kissed me on the cheek and talked about how awesome I was, and then Monday we were sitting doing our respective work and he came walking by and she pecked me on the cheek again, and still debated whether she was trying to brush him off with me. But then yesterday came along, and after we cuddled on one of the couches (adorable and I’m proud of the fact her head was on my lap and I didn’t pop up) and then she mentioned that (today) she had a date with “some dude.” Deducing it was him I pestered, she said “some dude” again, I left it, but I was noticeably down after that and she realized it immediately and I pled the Fifth when she asked if my mood was about her. Shortly after I left for work and returned later for a rehearsal and to see a concert. I saw her at the reception, and before I left I said “Have fun on your date tomorrow, I know it’s with him, he told me about rehearsal, now you know why I’ve felt like shit this whole week.” Which in hindsight was a dick move.

I vented to another friend about it last night, and how I was originally planning on waiting to tell her until the performance of me performing with the orchestra that she is conducting in May. But my friend and I agreed, that plan’s gone, I have to say something in person and fight for her.

It’s just… I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Always coming up short. Always someone better. Always getting my heart broken. I want one of two things. I want someone to fight for me the way I’d fight for them, to save me from myself and be that reminder that I am worth it, to show me, not just tell me. Or I want someone to finish the job that a girl did when I was 14, to destroy me, and whatever idealism and romantic nature I have finally goes. (My venting friend told me that she hoped that would never happen. No, I shouldn’t get with her instead, she’s the cellist of my trio and even though I admitted that at the start of the year I had a bit of a crush on her, it was because she was newly single, and I wouldn’t have dare acted on it because of the trio.)

tl;dr: Senor learned that girl Senor’s had a thing for since November and is very close with’s been making out with some guy that even Senor, who hates himself and is okay with breaking, knows he’s better than and they went on a date today. Senor has envy problems because he’d never had a girlfriend but has had a lot of heartbreak and knows he has to tell girl once and for all how much he wants her.

Anyway, advice, whether about her or about how to not be an imbecile in general, would be appreciated.

entropy

1. You are plenty good enough for anyone, so don’t ever doubt that.

2. While this sort of thing sucks, sometimes you don’t get the girl that you wanted. It’s OK; these are the times that teach how to go about getting the girl properly the next time you’re interested.

3. Just because your crush chooses someone else over you, IT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU. Sometimes, people choose the wrong partner, or they pick the one that seems right to them. There is no rhyme or reason to it, it just happens. Remember point 1 again here.

4. If you are really into this girl, yes, fight for her. Apologize for the slightly dickish move earlier, and maybe explain the emotional pitfalls on your end (some women like vulnerability, never can tell).

5. Plans almost never work, because this is the real world and shit gets fucked up easy. if you’re into someone, tell them. Yeah it’s difficult and scary and sometimes it doesn’t work, but you usually feel better for having tried, even when you fail.

6. This place is becoming less and less a website for random nonsense and more of a family (anyone can feel free to insult me here, although that would, ironically, prove my point), so feel free to bounce shit off of us. Every one of us does it, some times, and I like the fact we’re trying to be there for each other. It’s a rough ol world, and everyone could use help.

7. You’re good enough for anyone you’d like to be with; just remember that even if it doesn’t work out. You’re a valued and respected member of the God Damn DFO Commentariat. Da fuq does this other asshole have going for him?!

There may be more later. Never can tell.

King Hippo

Also, as a 42-year old who has many similar (figurative) voices in his head…let’s just say my experience is that we can attract a certain type of lady who just really likes attention and this really sounds like one of them.

Horatio Cornblower

A) As you noted there are far, far worse things in life than what’s going on with you right now so keep that first and foremost in your mind. This too shall pass. You are 24. I am 46. You basically get to do it all again before you reach my age, so dial it back a bit.

B) “Shortly after I left for work and returned later for a rehearsal and to see a concert. I saw her at the reception, and before I left I said “Have fun on your date tomorrow, I know it’s with him, he told me about rehearsal, now you know why I’ve felt like shit this whole week.” Which in hindsight was a dick move.”

C) You are 100% wrong about B being a dick move. That’s the first sensible thing you’ve done as near as I can tell. You’re her buddy, that’s it, the guy she comes to when something goes wrong. It sucks, I’ve been there, it’s not going to change. What you said above may or may not make a difference but good for you for throwing the cards on the table.

D) The worst thing a woman can say to you is “no”, (unless you’re Ben Rothlisberger, in which case the worst thing she can say is “I’m pressing charges” after saying “no” and you not listening) and all that means is you politely disengage and find another.

E) Be yourself and be confident in who that is. Whether or not that self has the mass appeal of a David Beckham or the more limited appeal of a Horatio Cornblower, (nah, I’m a total stud), you will find your match. Most likely when you’re not even expecting it.

F) For the record I met my wife while talking to another guy in a bar about a Little League team we were going to coach together. The romantic atmosphere was the rough equivalent of watching the smog rise in Beijing but the timing was right. Might not be today, might not be tomorrow for you. It is definitely not that girl. But she will be by at some point, and it will happen, so get your head out of your ass and keep your chin up; chicks don’t like guys who keep lamenting the girl who doesn’t like them back.

G) When you do find your girl? That other one will start paying more attention to you. DO. NOT. RECIPROCATE.

H) Unless she’s into a three way with you and your significant other. Then go nuts and tell us all about it.

Senor Weaselo

Regarding E, there’s a weird dichotomy. With a violin and a stage I’m confident, I’m powerful, I control things and I know my worth. It’s around people I falter, and my cellist friend and my therapist have both told me to take violin me into the rest of me, but it’s hard to do when the results aren’t there.

Sharkbait

If Tanner Glass can score, anything is possible.

Seriously though, You only live once. Might as well take a shot and tell her how you feel and see what happens. If you don’t you’ll always wonder what if, as opposed to knowing.

Senor Weaselo

That might be my quote for luck, “If Tanner Glass can score, anything is possible.”

The problem is even before all this happened she was one of my close friends and I care about her and I don’t want to lose her. I’ve lost friends multiple times from this same scenario, and it’s the part that hurts me most.

Beerguyrob

You can’t change your character to suit that circumstance. Your consistency is your strength. Those people chose to leave your circle.

You are still at a pretty great time in your life where you can mold your social scene, and have a good time doing so. I’m not trying to say it doesn’t hurt, but I am hoping to encourage you to keep putting yourself out there.

Beerguyrob

Three simple pieces of advice:

1. Never cut off communication. While the relationship may fluctuate while she figures out your opponent is a Lacoste of Douchebag, if you’re there but not a pushover you’ll always be on the radar if she decides to upgrade to you.

2. Set yourself the standard that you are never going to be her sounding board for ideas about him. If she wants your advice on how to improve herself with this guy, that’s where you either politely decline and/or put your cards on the table about why you can’t be that help. Her reaction will tell you if you are ever going to be upgraded from the friendzone. Then you can debate next steps.

3. Follow Johnny Manziel on twitter. Then do the opposite of what he does.

Horatio’s G and Entropy’s 3 are very solid pieces of advice. Better than anything I’ve got.

Wakezilla

1. Good for you for seeking counseling. It takes a big person to go to counseling to sort their shit out. Always know that you are good enough or anyone. Just because she chose someone else, doesn’t mean they’re better than you. That’s not how things work.

2. From what you’ve typed, I wouldn’t go and fight for her. She’s made it perfectly clear that she’s not interested in you in that way. If she was, you two would be dating. She sounds like she might be an emotional roller-coaster if you two were to date anyway. Red flags go off when she knows you’re into her and she’s doing that cuddling bullshit and it’s all to get another guy’s attention. That’s some grade A bullshit. I’d be friends with her and move on. I would apologize to her for your dick move and say you have other stuff going on in your life that just got to you that day and you snapped and it won’t happen again. Then ask her if she had friends to hook you up with. That’s a common thing people do once you get in your mid-20s. In fact, your lady friend who is your sounding board, ask her too. Women tend to have lots of girlfriends (giggity) who are single and looking for a good guy.

3) I hate to sound like a hippy, but, brother, you sound like you need to chill when it comes to relationships. I feel like you might be giving a too intense vibe. Don’t Ted Mosby yourself. Dial-it-back a bit, at least with what you say.

Wakezilla

One last piece of advice: Know your “home field” advantage. For some people, it’s the club. For me, it was at conferences in my field when I was in University because I was comfortable and confident in my surroundings (My theory is that you’re dressed up nice, have a mutual interest in something, which gives you an in, which leads to more conversation) and Starbucks. If you’re comfortable near your violin, socialize with fellow musicians at get-togethers or at whatever the equivalence of conferences are. You’ll have your violin and/or in an environment where you’ll be familiar with your material. That confidence will exude off you, which is always a turn-on with women.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wake has good advice. I won’t say that about most Deacons.

Look, first of all, she doesn’t owe you anything. If she decides to goes for your rival, that’s her choice and has nothing to do with you. She has every right to go for 0-2 of you. Second of all, the most important thing is to be the best you that you can be. If she likes that, great. If not, someone will. That’s all that matters, especially this early in the game.

Senor Weaselo

Thanks everyone for the advice. I’ll bite whatever the bullet is next time I see her (if she comes tonight to a performance). At the least, she needs to just how serious my feelings are and I need to know if her and dude has legs. And then I will probably ask my cellist friend who I vented to if she wants to see Deadpool (for me, a second time) Saturday night because girl and I were going to see it at some point but that’ll be a bad idea at the moment and I feel like I’ll need the company and cheering up.

As for hanging out with musicians, Wake, that’s pretty much all I do with the exception of my HS friends.

Sharkbait

Heading to Chicago with the fiancee for the weekend tomorrow.. Ive never been. What are the best places/things to drink?

entropy

From the descriptions posted, Dok seems to have a pretty good selection and quantity in the liquor cabinet.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go to Zed451 for brunch. They will pick you up in the “zed bus” if you need a ride anywhere and the food is amazeballs.

Sharkbait

That place looks like the shit. Everywhere I’ve been told we’re going to looks awesome. Also, Chicago appears to be obsessed with cured meats and cheese.

JerBear50

If you’re a carnivore and you’ve got a few extra bucks, head to Gibson’s or Chicago Chop House. The special prime rib at the chop house is fucking unreal. It’s been close to a decade since I’ve been to either though, so you might want to confirm with someone else that they’re still at the same standard.

Sharkbait

Staying with a friend of my fiancee. A brewery tour is in the cards, and I think Revolution is the leading candidate.

entropy

Can we talk about how much that X-Files finale sucked now? Because it sucked really, really hard.

WCS

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Porky Prime

She’s gone.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, I mean it. I’ll be back sometime.

FYI: Her name was Marcella, she was 34 years old, and she was my everything.

Doktor Zymm

Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Condolences.

Senor Weaselo

Oh my god, Porky. I’m… I don’t know what I can say. All of our condolences.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh dear. So sorry dude.
No words.

scotchnaut

Can’t imagine. Take care.

Beerguyrob

You be you. We’ll be here.

xoxo. Be strong.

WCS

Oh no. Sincerest, deepest condolences. Let us know if there’s anything we can do.

ThePirateSloth

I’m deeply sorry Porky. We’re all here when you need us.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Oh God, I’m so sorry.

laserguru

All of our love to you and the family.

Sill Bimmons

Wrong. So wrong. So sorry.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m so sorry.

entropy

Anything you need, if I can help, I will provide. I am so so sorry for this.

WhyEaglesWhy

I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I don’t know what to say, other than we love you. Deepest condolences.

Kungjitsu

I’m so sorry. That fucking sucks.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m sorry.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dear lord, I am so sorry.

King Hippo

I’m glad you knew one another and heartbroken for you and your family.

May whatever Karmic force in the universe grant you as much strength, grace, and peace as is possible in this dreadful time.

Warthog

Nothing to add or offer but my deepest sympathy.

Horatio Cornblower

Words fail. My thoughts and best wishes are with you an your family, now an in the future.

Sharkbait

Sorry Porky. Be strong.

Old School Zero

We’re all here for you. So very sorry for your loss. Thoughts to you and to Marcella.

Col. Duke LaCross

Sorry to hear.

Hang in there pal.

Shogun Marcus

No words, only love. If you need anything, you only need ask.

JerBear50

Sincerest sympathy, man.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I honestly don’t know what to say. I am so sorry

The Maestro

I just got home now and saw this, but like everyone else, I’m so, so sorry. Just know that you are loved, as was she. Deeply, fully, and completely.

Wakezilla

I’m so, so sorry. My deepest condolences, Porky.

Don T

I am very sorry, and hope that eventually the fortune of having shared Marcella’s company will overtake the sorrow of it having been so brief.
We are here and we care and wish the best for you and your children. May strength and love carry you in this terrible time.
-Héctor

jjfozz

I was absent last night, just caught up today.

Condolences on your loss, so very sorry for you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

oh hell, damn it. I am sorry. sorry.

SonOfSpam

So sorry Porky. So sorry.

Doktor Zymm

Is working?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just don’t push that button over there…..

Senor Weaselo

Tanner… Glass… goal? That can’t be right.

Beerguyrob

No no, I have heard those words spoken before. Rarely, as if in a forgotten hymn…

Doktor Zymm

Yes, I know it’s Buzzfeed, but they actually have a good news division. I forgive them their clickbait as it seems to fund real shit. This is sorta in the medium category, as Trump being a total ass is low hanging fruit.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/donald-trump-said-a-lot-of-gross-things-about-women-on-howar?utm_term=.gpkZ6XbPd#.ltAgGJlby

entropy

The headline should really just be, “Donald Trump Said A Lot Of Gross Things About Women,” and that would be honest enough. The specific outlet doesn’t matter, because he does it everywhere.

scotchnaut

I like taking baths and reading in said bath. Does that make me a Straight
White Male that likes reading in the bathtub?

BEST JAPANESE MYSTERY NOVEL TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH BEING READ BY ME IN A BATHTUB RIGHT NOW—-

[opens envelope] THE DECAGON HOUSE MURDERS!

/please hold your applause until Yutiko Ayatsuji has finished his acceptance speech

entropy

All You Need Is Kill, the novel that gave us the movie Edge of Tomorrow, was absolutely fantastic. For a Japanese novel, it is incredibly accessible to a Western audience.

Wakezilla

She’s a forgotten treasure

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Saoirse Ronan: Because Buddy has cracked one off to Chloe Sevigny enough times!

Beerguyrob

Nope. She was in “Atonement”, and therefore is dead to me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that a euphemism?
That sounds like a euphemism.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The edit button mysteriously appears next to your comment time stamp…..

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!

WCS

MMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In case you have not seen a complete fucking idiot today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuTXUcoGdhw

Senor Weaselo

I’ve seen me… oh, you said today. I was a complete fucking idiot yesterday.

scotchnaut

“Trump is going to change things.”

“IHOP has ‘Artisan’ french toast.”

“Duke’s recent struggles have taught them humility.”

/just a few things I’ve heard/read over the last few days
//anyone heard/read anything similar?

theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Artisan’ french toast, you say?

montythisseemsstrangetome

“No More”

WCS

ITS FREEDUM TOAST YOU GODAMNED LIBTARD LOVE MURICKA OR LEAVE IT #TRUMP2016 #NOBUMMER

Kungjitsu

I saw a rusted out Suburban a couple of weeks ago with a “Don’t blame me. I voted for President Bush!” bumper sticker on it. I don’t know how old everyone is, but it’s referencing Bill Clinton’s first term.

Sill Bimmons

“Just the tip.”

JerBear50

“Testimonial” in commercial about said IHOP French Toast:
“This seems like something you’d get in a fancy French restaurant.”

http://replygif.net/i/635.gif

entropy

Arrow has about a dozen people who are suddenly world-class archers after spending about six months on the sport. The Flash is suddenly full of motherfuckers whose sole superhuman ability is to run really, really fast. I honestly wish that DC’s Constantine would get a regular show so that by the second season we could have an entire baseball team’s worth of foul-mouthed, chain-smoking, magic-wielding English bastards just for the bleeped out cursing.

Kungjitsu

The only problem with Supergirl I have that I can’t get over is all the Kryptonians.

scotchnaut

Sir Steph of Curry has hit a three in 128 straight games. #hedoesgoodatwhathedoesonaregularbasis

entropy

He’s a professional basketball player. He should try to get with women that are least fives.

Kungjitsu

Brie Larson and Bree Olson are different people. Even though I’ve never seen any of Ms. Olson’s, and have absolutely no idea who she is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s a goddess.
– C. Sheen

Beerguyrob

Alison Brie – Brie Larson.

I’ll need to see ’em nekkid in order to tell the difference.

http://screencrave.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/enhanced-buzz-25157-1303248204-0.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus
Beerguyrob

Was touched by Charlie Sheen.

1/10; wasn’t invited to the bang.

Kungjitsu

Let’s complain about the lack of cupholders on the Millennium Falcon: I have no basis for this, but I feel like Alison Brie is all “Let’s get to know each other first” and “I’m not comfortable with that” IRL.

2/10 Would Not Bang

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haha.
Nah…total freak I bet.
After you get to know her. 😉

Senor Weaselo

Have you heard her interviews about her college life?

entropy

This is another of those categories in which I missed the majority of the nominees, and so my analysis is piss poor. I saw Hateful Eight and Spotlight, and while I did think Jennifer Jason Leigh was decent, that horrible black eye makeup was so distracting I couldn’t get past it. No dice for JJL here, and McAdams was decent but nothing special here. I’ll have to say it should go to either Vikander or Mara, because I don’t want ANYONE winning any more awards for celebrating successful male assholes in movies any more.

I only saw Room in the Lead category, and my misgivings on that film were spelled out last night. I figure you’re probably right in that Larson will win, but again, I didn’t see anything special there. The rest are ciphers to me, so this one’s up for grabs.

entropy

I’ll forgive McAdams anything, as I’m a huge fan, but she didn’t stand out, so I can’t see her winning the award unless the vote gets split somehow (pretty unlikely).

Doktor Zymm

I’m basically the JaMarcus Russell of watching new movies. I watched a bunch years ago and now I’m coasting off that knowledge in social situations and putting in no real effort to keep myself up to even the minimum standard of movie watching. I appreciate these write ups as allowing me to fake it for another year!

Some of them do sound pretty good though, and I’m tempted to watch, but we’ll see if I remember any of that next time I’m browsing Netflix.

Interesting discussion about Carol. I will freely admit that I don’t like most romantic comedies because the female leads usually kind of bug me. However, I do like older romantic comedies (think Marilyn and Audrey) and I don’t identify with those female characters either. In both cases there is at least a role that I’m supposed to identify with, so I’m kind of curious how I would react when there isn’t a ‘this is supposed to be you’ character.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You damn racist.
Oh, sorry…I though you said “Black Guy”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well that went in the wrong place.
Move it up a couple notches and it will make more sense.
Or maybe not.
DOH!!!!

entropy

To be fair, Sam Jackson’s makeup sucked, too.

scotchnaut

I’d like to tell you a little bit about my wife. She’s a fantastic mother, does a fair bit of charity/fund-raising work, has a fairly high profile in our small community and was the primary bread-winner for the first few years of our marriage. She’s got more common/money sense than I’ll ever have, that’s for sure.

Yet despite all that, the fact that she continually puts over-sized cardboard boxes into small kitchen garbage containers NEGATES ALL THE GOOD SHE HAS EVER DONE! GODDAMNIT IT, WOMAN!

Doktor Zymm

Did she collapse the box?

scotchnaut

NO SHE DIDN’T. I’m not an unreasonable person.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I was just thinking about that movie this morning. What idiot kills a whore for the sin of lust?

entropy

Technically, the entire act was punishment for Lust, both john and whore. They were both complicit in the act, they were both punished (one has to live with the knowledge of his performing the actual murder).

Granted, it would have made more thematic sense to punish an adulterer, but he wasn’t exactly being subtle with any of his displays of the Seven Deadly, now was he?

Doktor Zymm

Eh, yeah, but I still don’t really buy it. She likely has little to no lust and dies a horrible death, and the lustful dude what, has to pay for a couple years of therapy? I mean, dude was crazy, but it seems he let misogynist tendencies overwhelm his ultimate objective on that one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The picture…THE PICTURE!!!
Pigs.

entropy

Well, look at his incredibly unlikely scenario for wrath. It’s not like the movie itself makes a whole hell of a lot of sense, it’s just Fincher’s visual style that makes people forgive all the massive holes in the plot.

Doktor Zymm

Oh, very true, it’s just that this was back in the day when I watched movies in theaters, and the lust killing just started the whole thing unraveling for me. The ending just sealed the deal. It was one of the earliest movies where my suspension of disbelief utterly failed.

entropy

Brad Pitt’s whiny delivery of “What’s in the box?” followed by his kindergartner-sticking-out-his-tongue-while-coloring look when he shoots Spacey in the head had me laughing my ass off in the theatre. No one else was amused.

montythisseemsstrangetome

What’s in fucking the box?

Kungjitsu

Bruh!!! My wife would figure out a way to negate the laws of space/time before she would stop piling shit into our recycling bin.

scotchnaut

I hope all you fellas that throw shit against the wall take notice-write about what interests you and the enthusiasm will shine through in the content.

/nice work, Old School Zero!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Thanks!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pay attention to detials.

entropy

I may throw shit against the wall, but I’m very passionate about it. Does the enthusiasm still shine through?

scotchnaut

Is the wall opaque? Or does it belong to some other Indian tribe?

entropy

I don’t remember, it’s covered in shit, and I refuse to scrape it off to find out.

Sill Bimmons

Highest value US banknote:

comment image

WCS

I thought all of the Presidents were on it, having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch.

montythisseemsstrangetome

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

The genetics were not equitably distributed in that family…amirite???

Sill Bimmons
ThePirateSloth

DFOfftopic: Here’s one example of my DFO Commentist Elite Squad (obviously a working title). I imagine the image size is YUUUUUUUUUUUUGE because I am too lazy to port it over to some image sharing site, so I’ll put it in a second comment in case we want to delete it.

I’m attempting to match colors to the DFO Commentists’ preferred team. I kind of forget who favors who in a lot of cases, and I’ve got a list of 25+ people at the moment.

ThePirateSloth

http://images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/309991266624622935/9D6680B2C397BB93048BF2782632C9AA51CF0EB5/

Notice the eyebrow ring and cigarette precariously perched above that chin scruff which perfectly captures a Pats fan.

The Maestro

Aw god fucking dammit.

Too bad for you suckers that I quit smoking years ago! Hah!

SonOfSpam

45 Years is bleak, believe me.

The movie might be too.

Sill Bimmons

When we’re all there celebrating the opening of The make it snow Wing at the Guggenheim we can say “I remember when…!”

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Only one of these that I saw was “Hateful Eight” and despite a number of criticisms that I’ve seen I quite enjoyed it. I totally agree that she was the most grounded of the characters which isn’t hard considering how eccentric the rest of the cast was. The frequent n-bombs made the whole theater awkward but I sat next to a couple black guys who seemed to thorough enjoy it so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One Jennifer Lawrence before I go do something productive

http://media1.giphy.com/media/8eaP4ue5fxZdu/giphy.gif

scotchnaut

You’re saying posting that wasn’t productive?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have to say I never saw any of these, so as a straight white male i can’t even comment (saying that as a straight white male feels wrong)

I should also add I still am drunk from last night, when I say I am gonna get stupidly drunk know I mean it

nomonkeyfun

The best female actress is the girl who told me size doesn’t matter—heyo!!!

jjfozz

Just give it to the one with the biggest tits.

My god, do I have to do all the heavy lifting around here?

Sill Bimmons

Original Sill post:

h
ttp://www.juicechan.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/cheerleader-23.gif

Reason for edit:

http://i.imgur.com/28w1XRC.gif

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Is she wearing panties? Because it doesn’t look like it to me.

Sill Bimmons

Thanks!

Just wasn’t looking down there and figured “no boobs, no pubes.”