The Legend of (Pretend) Bernard Gilkey – Day and Night Open Thread

King Hippo - June 25, 2022June 25, 2022

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No doubt you remember the original. #BFIB regular, excellent defender in LF (before such was really appreciated, sadly), well-rounded offensive profile. A few Hollywood cameos, even! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsLRtId0WPk Well, he's been re-born as a Salford-native midfielder-turned-manager, thanks to Football Manager 2020. He would have stayed at Everton forever, but the Board pissed him

Baltimore Roll Call Nighty-Night Thread

King Hippo - June 18, 2022June 18, 2022

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OK, kids. It's getting down to nut-cuttin' time, who's in for 15-17 July in the Charm City? Imaginarium HQ (ie, Hotel) - TBD Probables - King Hippo, Armed and Hammered, Sharky, BOTH Cornblowers Maybes - Dok Zymm, BFC Known Unknows (or Hippo forgets, I do a lot of drugs) - The rest of all

Another Lousy Idea For Lousy June and Lousy 2022

King Hippo - June 18, 2022June 17, 2022

Really, my brain is running out of nonsense. I ain't think that was EVAR possible. We need MOAR SPORTSBALL and we need it right soon. Previously, my pill-addled brain cavity brung forth the Shithole Countries World Cup. I still think that's a ratings winner. And fuck me sideways, would folk ever bet on

BOTG Opportunity? Frank Lampard’s Everton in the Charm CIty

King Hippo - June 11, 2022June 10, 2022

As you all know, I really hate leaving the house. But the thought of an international flight REALLY seems like a dealbreaker to this modern recluse. As such, 16 July in glorious Baltimore is likely my only chance to see Frank Lampard's Everton. Perhaps some of the Clubhouse Gooners would join

June – The Plate Full of Poo (Morning Thread)

King Hippo - June 4, 2022June 3, 2022

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I should be grateful we only had two absolute hellfire hot days this week. It's The South, things will only get worse. But fuck me, I am already over it. My cervical spine is being a bigger asshole than usual. Thus, I just can't get comfortable. Reading, Footy Manager, even TV

Inside This Weekend’s Big Match! – Saturday Wakey-Wakey Thread

King Hippo - May 28, 2022May 26, 2022

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Will the thread title summon Wakezilla?? And no, I don't mean today's Massive-Cuntoff. I won't be watching that, though I must wish Don Carlo well (but Other Hippo gags in saying so). NO! All eyes SHOULD be turned to Wembley, where Our Erotic Robins Hood face off against dire and boring Huddersfield

God Bless Super Frank Lampard

King Hippo - May 21, 2022May 20, 2022

I don't know what Lampard told his Very Disappointing Everton charges at the half. I just know it WORKED, even though I had succumbed to despair and turned the telly off. Survival. Somehow, someway...the Blues avoided the drop and have a fighting chance to rebuild. Frank Lampard is the right man to

Hippo’s Thursday Waking Nightmare (Part el Fin)

King Hippo - May 19, 2022May 19, 2022

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck) As during three previoUs Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps)

Ghosts in the Machine Saturday Morning Thread

King Hippo - May 14, 2022May 13, 2022

No Prem matches today. Fookin' seriously - NONE. There is a Cup final at Wembley, but I ain't got no time for that. You do get a tasty Championship promotion playoff, with Team Knifey hosting the Robins Hood (10:00, ESPN+). These always fascinate me, when a neutral. Though I think it

Praise, Thanks, and Apology to Slippy G Night Thread

King Hippo - May 7, 2022May 7, 2022

As it turns out, Villa manager (and ex-Redshite "legend") Steven Gerrard didn't let Team White Lives Matter win, just to fuck over my Toffees. He was a good sportsman, and Hippo apologizes accordingly. 3-1 win could provide breathing space if Everton take a point tomorrow (and Leeds lose). For the record,

Buttholes Extra Puckered Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - May 7, 2022May 5, 2022

I am writing this on Thursday, 5 May - since I will be away from my 'puter almost all of Friday. Thank fuck Everton aren't playing. I am tense enough as is. Oldest HippoSpawn graduates university. I am proud of her, so I will go. I will make no emotional displays,

Lesser and Draftmas Combo Platter

King Hippo - April 30, 2022April 29, 2022

Oh man, such a contrast between watching the machinations of my two great loves. Donks WOO!!! draft following is just plain, relaxing fun. I know they won't, say, trade up and draft Noted Local Moe-ron Sam Howell. Because we gots Russell Wilson. I don't have to sweat making reach picks, because we