Author: Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Your “Dave Roberts is a Baby and Ken Rosenthal is a Toad” Wednesday Open Thread

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If you haven't been paying attention the San Diego Padres for nearly all of their existence, I don't blame you. It has been a deep, dark place to venture into, and unless you live here, why the hell would you? But since signing Manny Machado in 2019, this team has been

Nobody’s Chargers 2024 Season Preview: Payin’ for it

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INTERIOR – CHARGERS PRACTICE FACILITY BOARD ROOM, COSTA MESA, CA – MORNING, SEVEN MONTHS AGO DEAN SPANOS: [On the phone] Look, John, it's just like my Daddy used to say, "if the city won't pay, fuck 'em and move!" [Laughs too hard] [Garbled phone response] DEAN: Right?! That place is an absolute dump anyway.

Nobody’s Chargers 2023 Season Preview: The Happiest Place

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INTERIOR – DISNEYLAND PARKING LOT, ANAHEIM, CA – MORNING JUSTIN HERBERT: Oh boy oh boy! I'm so excited to finally get that authentic Hollywood experience! Somewhere where I can be just like all the locals! I can't wait to try Wolfgang Puck's for lunch! [Looks around the otherwise empty parking lot with

An Old Friend Comes Home

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INTERIOR - SOFI STADIUM LOCKER ROOM, LOS ANGELES, CA  - SUNDAY AFTERNOON [LOCKER ROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN] DR. DAVID CHAO: [Visibly stumbling] HI [hic] EVERYSSBODYSSS! [The locker room is empty and offers no response] DR. DAVID CHAO: Oh, a little [hic] alonesh time for the [hic] Doctor and hsssh patient! [Pulls out flask and

Nobody’s Chargers 2020 Season Preview: No Control

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INTERIOR – NONDESCRIPT DOMICILE, CARSON, CA – EVENING [A MAN sits alone on a couch in his living room, completely fixated on the TV in front of him, despite the fact that nothing particularly interesting is on it. His gaze is so intent, that he hardly blinks and certainly doesn't hear

You Are Watching the “Boston Neighborhood Network”…

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VOICE OVER: BNN PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION ACTS AS A PUBLIC FAH-RUM FOR ALL BAWSTAN RESIDENTS, NAWN-PROFIT AND COMMUNITY-BASED ORH-GANIZATIONS, PRAH-VIDING THEM WITH AWFORDABLE TRAINING AND ACCESS TO EMEHGERIN' MEDIA TECHNOLOGIES. GO SAUX! [COMMERCIAL FLIES OPEN] [A very blurry camera zooms in and out while the auto-focus tries desperately to keep up. The

Commentist Beer Barrel: Boots on the Ground – Burgeon Third Anniversary Invitational

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This is a bit of a departure from your usual DFO Hate Week musings, as I wanted to bring you a brief interlude of something good. There are few things better than local independent craft beer, at least, in my mind, and the day before the Conference Championship series, I