America: Home of the Freaks, Land of the Braindead

jjfozz - July 18, 2016

“This is no time for ‘my country, right or wrong’ remember what that brought.” Lou Reed wrote that lyric, and I couldn’t agree more with it. I’m fucking pissed about patriotism in our country. Specifically, the way many of citizens take extremist stands on it – either burning an American flag,

I am NOT Amused

jjfozz - July 11, 2016

Here’s a great way to spend a weekend: sit through five lacrosse games and wonder why your team went 4-1 and wasn’t in the championship game. Console your son, and then go to an amusement park when it’s hot as fucking shit. Also, your bad knee collapses like wet tissue

Old People Are Good Fuel for Bonfires

jjfozz - June 27, 2016

Old people suck. They should be returned to the earth so we can grow tastier carrots and potatoes. Old people are fucking up my neighborhood, and imposing their outdated, cranky views on young couples and their kids. It started at an HOA meeting – dreadful punch and cookies, not a drop

Kill Every Smartphone You See

DFOing Good

jjfozz - June 20, 2016June 20, 2016

I have an iPhone, but I don’t call it an iPhone. I referred to the Fuck Ass Piece of Shit. It's because the phone is a Fuck Ass Piece of Shit. In fact, my view of smartphones is that they are obnoxious slabs of glass and plastic that ruin my

Summer Suffering

DFOing Good

jjfozz - June 13, 2016June 13, 2016

Before I begin, thoughts and prayers go out to those killed in Orlando, their loved ones, and the wounded. As for the shooter, I hope you died in absolute agony, you donkey-fucking shitstain. No, onto our regularly scheduled post . . . It’s summer. Yay. In Baltimore that means humidity turning the

Please Drive Your Car Off a Bridge

jjfozz - June 6, 2016June 6, 2016

Every damn day I drive to work. The round trip takes about two hours. And every minute of those hours I am filled with loathing. The kind reserved for obese people at Chinese buffets and child molesters. People cannot fucking drive. They think they can. They cannot. Because 99.5% of the

Your Kid Sucks at Sports

jjfozz - May 31, 2016May 31, 2016

I have two sons. One plays baseball and soccer. The other plays football and lacrosse. They may play in high school. They are not going to college on a sports scholarship. They are not going to play any of these sports professionally. And while I loathe the NCAA, read this

Angry Dad – Who is this bastard?

jjfozz - May 23, 2016May 21, 2016

They fucked up. Yup, the Gods of DFO decided to let me write a regular post. There’s no going back now. Like Hunter Thompson wrote, “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” So what’s this ride about? Angry Dad is about my experiences as a middle aged father of three living in a world

Let Fury Have the Hour

jjfozz - May 5, 2016May 5, 2016

Note: Blaxabbath challenged me to write this post. And it brought out the worst in me, including my language. I want to dig you up, set you on fire, feed you to rabid dogs, and burn what’s left. Before we start on this journey to the blackest hole of hatred for the

Why I Am the Way I Am

DFOing Good

jjfozz - April 4, 2016April 4, 2016

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” ― Bob Marley Thanks, Mr. Rastaman for those inspiring words. I love music, and I love feeling no pain. However, the offseason is filled with the pain of loneliness, of pretending to like bazebawl, of taking screaming kids on

How to Enjoy a Baseball Game

jjfozz - March 7, 2016March 7, 2016

Training camp is a long way off, and mock drafts are for the twisted and depraved. So you can fill that time with alcohol, drugs, extreme macramé, and waiting for each installment of Hard Ride to Nowhere, or you could attend a baseball game. (Forget watching baseball on TV, I

Things Dean Pees Does in the Booth During Ravens Games

jjfozz - October 28, 2015October 28, 2015

Football is done in Baltimore for the 2015 season and purple camo wearing fans are circling M&T Bank stadium with pitchforks, torches, and lukewarm cans of Natty Boh Ice. (Perfect for smoothing things out when the meth is wearing off and your monthly check is on its way and there’s no booger sugar