Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 30)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 13, 2016May 12, 2016

The scene: The In-N-Out convenience store near the DFO clubhouse. Ballsofsteelandfury is there with Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, who is now wearing a vest with a prospect patch over his silver jumpsuit. Ballsofsteelandfury is loading Low Commander of the Super Soldiers up with a massive amount of junk

A Voicemail Salute to Sterling Mallory Archer

King Hippo - May 12, 2016May 10, 2016

During these dark, feces-filled times that we call April through July (Most Glorious Draft Weekend aside), one must find cold comfort where one can. There is reading (I just finished Orlando Figes' "The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia" - HIGHLY recommended), and there is prestige television. From

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 29)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 6, 2016May 5, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where there is a meeting of the membership under way. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris sits at the head of the table, with the others seated around the table. In attendance are WCS, Beerguyrob, Brocky, JJ Fozz, Ballsofsteelandfury, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Lord Revisisle. Attending via Skype

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 28.5)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 29, 2016April 29, 2016

The scene: Downtown, in a traffic jam. Brocky is sitting impatiently in his car, listening to the 2016 NFL Draft Day 2 pre-show. Brocky (honking his horn): Come on...come on... Radio Announcer: And we're only minutes away from the first pick of day 2! Brocky: Aw, man! I missed the big shindig

Hard Ride To Nowhere Draft Day Special

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 28, 2016April 27, 2016

The scene: A used car lot in Key West, where Future Moose, Old School Zero and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van are perusing the inventory. OSZ: I dunno, guys...I'm not seeing anything really fuel-efficient here. Future Moose (checking out a 1977 Chevy van with a wizard painted on the side): This might

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 28)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 22, 2016April 21, 2016

The scene: The creepy basement where the Angry Girl Scout is holding Ballsofsteelandfury, Lord Revisisle, JJ Fozz and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly captive. She has just conjured a fearsome entity called Cookiethulhu, and it stands looming over her, wrapped in mystic smoke. JJ Fozz: Good...lord... Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (inhaling the smoke): He smells like...freshly-baked oatmeal cookies! Ballsofsteelandfury (also

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 27)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 15, 2016April 14, 2016

The scene: A two-lane highway in the desert. Doktor Zymm's car is pulled over to the side of the road in front of a police car. A big, granite-faced cop gets out of the police car and walks toward Doktor Zymm's car, getting out his ticket book. Cop: Do yew

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 3)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 8, 2016April 7, 2016

The scene: Poolside at the motel in Key West, one week later. Old School Zero is in a recliner near the pool while Marc Trestmans Windowless Van floats in the pool on a giant inner tube. OSZ: I can't move. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Dude, like, I can't feel my eyelids,

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 2)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 1, 2016April 1, 2016

The scene: Spring Break in Key West, Florida! Old School Zero and Future Moose are checking out their motel room when the door flies open, and a large furry man lathered in suntan lotion and wearing a bright blue Speedo enters. Wolfman Rob: Hey, you must be my roomies!

I’ll miss Andrew Siciliano most of all

ballsofsteelandfury - March 30, 2016March 29, 2016

I did it. I finally did it. I called Directv up and told them not to renew my NFL Sunday Ticket subscription. This was the last holdout. The last bit of money that I was contributing to the NFL's coffers is now no more. And you know why I held out

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 1)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 25, 2016March 24, 2016

The scene: Key West, Florida. Guys in swimsuits and gals in bikinis line the streets while Future Moose and Old School Zero drive down the road in OSZ's Prius. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van is asleep in the back seat. Future Moose: See? What'd I tell you? Key West is the place to

Balls’ Bedtime Stories – Chapter 13

ballsofsteelandfury - March 22, 2016March 21, 2016

Chapter 12 Who was that gorgeous blonde Russian track girl? Who slipped that picture under the door? It seemed that Balls had friends but the picture did not have any of the tell-tale codes that M would have ordered to be included. Balls' mind was whirring with the possibilities. Balls had friends in