[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on "Not goin' outthere!" and "You an whose army, cock-knocker?"] [Eventually, REVEREND MAYHEM is shoved through the curtain and stumbles into frame, one hand clutching a bottle of brown liquid labeled "JJ Fozz
Tag: Reverend Mayhem
Huh…..: Your San Francisco 49ers Bye Week Update
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!??!?!? YES!!!! Friends, I have preached before at interminable length about how we live in The New Time of Wonders. Now BLEERGH!, Shan'khlor and the other Elderly Gods have seen fit to show us another Sign and Portent. Yes, it is Week 4, and Jimmy Garoppolo's bones and tendons
“Who Are We Now?”: Where Were You On September 11, 2001 Open Thread
Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview
[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone
Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview
[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community. Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,
Santa Clara Diet: A San Francisco 49ers Preview
[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form
Preseason LiveBlog: It’sHereIt’sHereIt’sHereIt’sHere!
It's TIME, biznitches! Pre-Preseason Football is upon us. It is time to anesthetize ourselves to our misgivings and celebrate the unifying factor that brought us all here- NFL FOOBAW!!! WHEN AND WHERE TO WATCH: 8 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. God Fearing Time. NBC. WHERE: Canton, Ohio, because it is the "Hall of Fame Game."
TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children
Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was
Monday Night Open Thread: Barstow Edition
Wednesday Night Open Thread: I Miss Video Games Edition
Holy snot weasels, it's Wednesday already? How the hell did that happen? Stupid illusion of linear spacetime.... So I was reading the Librul Elite Fake News today, and I came across this story about how GameStop is circling the drain. Now, in general I have no problem with this- GameStop's employment
Las Razones Por Que Su Equipo Chupando: Paraguay Edicion
Paraguayan National Football and Competitive Barbershop Quartet Team First off, I'd like to apologize to our Spanish-speaking DFOers for my atrocious butchering of a beautiful language. Second off, I'd like to apologize to our non-Spanish-speaking for exposing you to Spanish. According to my aunt's Facebook posts, having to listen to even as
