And So It Begins! Footy Renewed

King Hippo - August 12, 2023August 11, 2023

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We kicked off the Premier League under Boo-urnley's Friday Night Lights. What is the bestest reality check for the confident champions of the Championship? Oh yeah, a goal from Erling Haaland like 3 minutes into play. To their credit, the Clarets hung in, playing evenly for the next 30 or so

Requiem For A Waking Nightmare – Futbol Returns! (2023-24 Prem Preview/Predictions)

King Hippo - August 5, 2023August 4, 2023

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That's right, we are LESS THAN A WEEK before our first actual match (Boo-urnley hosting City of Men). Who knows who will win THAT nailbiter? So, we better get our prediciones on record before anyone can question our sporting integrity. As always, these picks will end up dreadfully wrong. Making fun

Katzenpapa Sabado

King Hippo - July 29, 2023July 28, 2023

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Yesterday, I took a "my brain is breaking" day. I had fallen asleep with a migraine, 6p on Thursday night. Slept until 4a, then fell asleep again during HAI/PRC match. So, I put on my "out of office" work e-mail greeting. It was all going well until like 5p when I

2pack Returns With Dutch Treat (2023 Women’s World Cup Team Report – The Netherlands (Dutch Ladies!))

King Hippo - July 22, 2023July 20, 2023

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The Dutch ladies currently ranked 9 th in FIFA world standings are in Group E along with the USA (1), Portugal (21) and Vietnam (32). They begin group play with Portugal on 23 July, followed by the USA 27 July and finishing up with Vietnam on 1 August. Going strictly

Good Jerb Panama! y Otra Miscellany

King Hippo - July 15, 2023July 15, 2023

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Holy shitsnacks, do we ever need MOAR meaningful footy in our lives. As y'all know, I hold a certain disdain for the Golden Shower Cup. Yet I still appreciate how the assdick USMNT lost in the semis to...like, maybe the 8th best Van Halen single? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuKDBPw8wQA Either Canalz FC or Mexico will

Better Know a 2023 WWC Participant – The Lesser Springbokesses of South Afrika!

King Hippo - July 8, 2023July 7, 2023

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First and foremost, let us all raise our fists in solidarity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tK8QfAf7G4 Secondly, fuck that "Banyana Banyana" noise. What kind of nickname* is THAT? Lesser Springbokesses or GTFO. *apparently translates roughly to "The Girls." Team Ireland no longer looks so uncreative now, does they? South Afrika is the 54th ranked squadron in the world.

Better Know a WWC Participant – Argentina!

King Hippo - July 1, 2023June 30, 2023

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It takes some digging to come up with some real insight on second-tier women's national futbol sides. But alas, we only conscripted 2pack for the one preview. Unless the Clubhouse LOUDLY demands MOAR!! In the meantime, Hippo takes one ass cheek into the Argentine wilds. It seems familiar territory, as (i) Bernard

Farewell to One’s Forties With…SWEDES!

King Hippo - June 17, 2023June 16, 2023

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This is the last DFO column I will write before turning 50. In truth, I have never felt older (which is quite logically accurate) - so the actual day will feel like the square root of fuckall (just like 40). Also just like 10 years ago, I will hang around

Your 2023 Women’s World Cup Preview Extravaganza! Part 1

ballsofsteelandfury - June 14, 2023June 13, 2023

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If y'all are not excited about the Women's World Cup, this year, I don't know what's wrong with you. Perhaps you should try some of Hippo's pills. I would have loved to have been there, but real life gets in the way and it's just not possible. I've been to

David Moyes – An Appreciation (and Pep’s White Whale)

King Hippo - June 10, 2023June 9, 2023

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You might not have noticed it, given that it wasn't broadcast on US teevee except en espanol (on TUDN, excellent as always), on a Wednesday afternoon. But the long and twisting road of David Moyes' (aka the Dour Scottish Cunt) managerial career hit its apex - West Ham, Champions of Europe. Third

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