Your “Do You Want to Know the Terrifying Truth…?” Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - July 11, 2016July 11, 2016

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Good evening, folks. Beerguyrob is enjoying a much needed vacation this week from preparing your open threads. I am Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, and I will be your host tonight. We have entered that point in the off season where the only NFL news of note now involves bullshit

Halted NFL Product Endorsements

NFL Sponsors

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - June 30, 2016

With 69 days until the NFL season starts, it's time to get back to focusing on what's important in football: #brands Through extensive research, bribes and the occasional sexual favor (I said I was sorry, Horatio!) the team here at DFO have uncovered these products that were expected to be launched

Hillary Clinton Gets a New Campaign Adviser

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - June 9, 2016June 8, 2016

[BROOKLYN, NEW YORK: HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN OFFICE HEADQUARTERS] ROBBY MOOK: ...and that's why I'm no longer allowed at the Costco on 118th Street. But enough about my day off! As your Campaign Manager, I want to be the first to congratulate you on officially being declared the presumptive nominee! HILLARY CLINTON: Thank you,

Commentist Beer Barrel: In Space!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 14, 2016May 13, 2016

Good morning, evening or next Tuesday, fellow Commentists! Low Commander is here to man the Beer Barrel this week, as make it snow embarks on his yearly tradition of being a big quitter and thinking that he's better than you. Never fear, for there are a whole host of guests

AFC West Draft Roundtable Spectacularium!

King Hippo - May 3, 2016May 2, 2016

Welcome to DFO's initial Divisional Draft roundtable. Drinking an Abita Wrought Iron IPA and avoiding my family, I am King Hippo, representing the World Muthafuckin' Champion Donks. We also have world famous alternate Internet Dad (and Raiders fan) Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, plus the stomp stomp CLAP!! duo of Old School Zero and

The San Diego Padres Make History!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - April 7, 2016April 7, 2016

Last night, the San Diego Padres made history by being the first team ever to be held scoreless through 27 consecutive innings (3 full games) to start their season, after losing 7-0 to the visiting Los Angeles Dodgers and marking a 9 game losing streak against their rivals dating back

Roger Goodell Has A Quiet Day At The Office

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - March 16, 2016March 15, 2016

345 Park Avenue, New York [Roger Goodell is sitting alone in his office in a massive black leather desk chair, humming the NFL Red Zone theme music as he fills out paperwork. For once, the curtains are open and the sun shines brightly into the usually gloomy, marble-columned office. The intercom

Zooper Bol “L” Pre-dick-toons: Charlie Kelly

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - February 5, 2016February 5, 2016

[Click on an image for full size] [Try to transcribe it yourself in the comments, then click below to see the translation] 6614

Marcus Mariota Visits Golden Gate Park

NFL News

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - January 15, 2016

[Marcus Mariota walks alone through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, California. He seems to have a confused look on his face, as he sits down on a park bench in front of a small pond. A few ducks swim by. One stops and stares at him.] Marcus: Will you be

Fun with Dean Spanos: A Liar’s Guide for Moving to LA

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - January 5, 2016February 2, 2017

Late last night, 3 teams officially filed for relocation to Los Angeles: The Oakland Raiders, San Diego Chargers and St. Louis Rams. All 3 have ties to LA, (some more than others), as they have played at least 1 year within the county limits. The lingering idea of moving to

The San Diego Bye Week Report: A Fantastic Journey (To Last Place/Angeles)

Old School Zero - November 19, 2015November 19, 2015

[Deep within a hospital, a patient lies prone, still, and hooked up to many medical devices and machines that whirr, beep, and occasionally print out some esoteric bit of information to be collated later. There are no flowers, no evidence of visitors. A doctor stumbles into the room.] Dr. David Chao:

DFO Meetup – Karl Strauss, Costa Mesa

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 6, 2015November 6, 2015

Earlier this year, my good friend was hired by Karl Strauss as one of their Brewers. Many years ago he home-brewed, where he produced some pretty amazing creations (the Mojito Pale Ale, an Espresso Stout on par with a Yeti and too many Belgians to count all come to mind)