Author: Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Meanwhile, at the Luxor

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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INTERIOR, LUXOR CASINO & HOTEL - MAIN STAGE [A large audience sits in their seats and murmurs in anticipation of the premiere of Las Vegas' most talked about new show. After a few moments, the lights shut off, and the stage begins to fill with smoke.] ANNOUNCER: Welcome, everyone, to the Luxor

Your “+1” Sunday Night Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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Hey guys, isn't it fun how KICKERS are missing all over the place today? I sure do love how much more EXCITING this is making the game of football! Roger Goodell knows a smart rule change when he sees one, and this certainly cannot POSSIB-LIE go wrong. Scotchy is out tonight

Chip Kelly Calls a Press Conference

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INTERIOR – 49ERS PRACTICE FACILITY - SANTA CLARA, CA [A group of reporters are seated around a podium, chatting among themselves. A large figure enters the room and slowly waddles up to the microphone.] Chip Kelly: Thank you all for gathering here today. I know that there have been a lot of

Drew Kaser Takes a Tour of Qualcomm Stadium

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INTERIOR - QUALCOMM STADIUM, SAN DIEGO - MIDDAY [DREW KASER is walking deep within the halls of the stadium with teammates ANTONIO GATES, MELVIN INGRAM and JOSH LAMBO. It is dusty, dank and rusting and the lights occasionally flicker, casting ominous shadows across the narrow, seemingly endless corridor.] KASER: ...so after explaining

“Summoned by BOLTMAN” – A Boots On The Ground Chargers Game Experience

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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It's not every day that one of us gets a call to greatness; it's even less often that we actually answer. At 9:15am on Sunday morning, I was roaming the aisles of a grocery store about a mile from my ziggurat, in search of a few missing items for my hosting

Colin Kaepernick Makes A Tough Decision

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2 WEEKS AGO - INTERIOR - COLIN KAEPERNICK'S BAY AREA HOME [COLIN KAEPERNICK is on the phone with his AGENT and is clearly very upset] KAEPERNICK: Absolutely not! I won't do it! AGENT: But Colin, if you don't, he'll cut you from the team. He's been trying to since day one! And you know how

Is Jim Caldwell Really A Pokémon In Disguise? A [DFO] Investigation

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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Not a lot is known about Jim Caldwell. For example, we have seen him coach at both the professional as well as collegiate levels during his years of employ, but despite all of this, we have only known of his true form for less than a year. I am sure

Request Line: Top of the Class

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY A pair of radio station employees stand in the production booth, obviously upset and arguing over something. STATION MANAGER: You said you wanted a businessman! That's what we've got! PRODUCER: I said a smart businessman! I'm amazed this guy can even tie his own shoes! DAN SNYDER: [In the

Your “Do You Want to Know the Terrifying Truth…?” Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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Good evening, folks. Beerguyrob is enjoying a much needed vacation this week from preparing your open threads. I am Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, and I will be your host tonight. We have entered that point in the off season where the only NFL news of note now involves bullshit