Things Dean Pees Does in the Booth During Ravens Games

jjfozz - October 28, 2015October 28, 2015

Football is done in Baltimore for the 2015 season and purple camo wearing fans are circling M&T Bank stadium with pitchforks, torches, and lukewarm cans of Natty Boh Ice. (Perfect for smoothing things out when the meth is wearing off and your monthly check is on its way and there’s no booger sugar

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston Shares His Secrets

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 22, 2015October 22, 2015

Greetings, dear Winstonians! I trust you are enjoying this season of football to its utmost--biting your nails at the close finishes, cursing the ineptitude of your teams' coaches, and reveling in the glory that comes from a decisive win! Your dear old Bud has been following the ins and outs

Coping With Loss in La Jolla

Old School Zero - October 13, 2015

(somewhere on a sunny beach in La Jolla, Callifornia) Brad: Brah! Good waves out there today. Jackson: Totally, brah. And my gal K8 [ed. note--literally spelled that way] packed me a whole box of fresh fish tacos. Brad: Rad! With the guac? Jackson: Yup. And I made some of that mango salsa. Brad: Sweet. So, did you go to the game

Somewhere outside of Jersey City…

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Old School Zero - October 8, 2015October 8, 2015

Corn Maze Employee #1: I'm telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked disturbed. I don't think there was even a corn stalk out of place. #2:

Meanwhile, in the San Diego Locker Room…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 2, 2015October 2, 2015

Brandon Flowers: Damn, it's been almost a week and I'm still bummed out from losing so badly to the Vikings. Malcolm Floyd: Tell me about it. I keep running through how we could have turned it around in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. I've hardly slept, man. Flowers:

Bitter Playaz Club

blaxabbath - September 29, 2015October 2, 2015

Drop a beat (above) Me and my homies, we ain't feelin' all the love We watchin' all the games at the Bitter Playaz Club Stuck injured or being a backup But ya ain't forgotten when ya at the Bitter Playaz Club Got drafted for showing all the skills But Coach's buddy is number 12, now you

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report

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Old School Zero - September 23, 2015September 22, 2015

Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I've been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of specialized disaster, and this year was no exception! Up was down, wrong was right, and even the Raiders won

French Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!

Not Pictured: The Mouse Toy He Brings on International Travel

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 21, 2015September 21, 2015

/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c'est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike. /drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his

Star of “The League” Admits Lies About 9/11 Escape, Declared Not Funny Retroactively

trollsoharduniversity - September 16, 2015September 16, 2015

After a New York Times investigation revealed that his story about fleeing the World Trade Center on 9/11 was not true, Steve Rannazzisi was declared not funny by various television personalities and internet commenters. Mr. Rannazzisi, best known for his portrayal of Kevin McArthur on the hit FX Sitcom The League, appeared on Marc

Nobody Cares About My Fantasy Teams

Horatio Cornblower - September 16, 2015September 16, 2015

This is part one of a roughly 17 part series in which Horatio discusses how his fantasy teams did the previous week. Less if his teams do so poorly that he loses all interest and stops following his teams at all, let alone writing about them. Let's set the O/U on

Practice Makes Perfect

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 16, 2015September 15, 2015

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

DFO Late Night / International Open Thread

ballsofsteelandfury - September 11, 2015September 11, 2015

215

Since nothing has been up since 3:00 PM Pacific, I'm putting the late night thread up a little early and ribbed for your commenting pleasure. So, what's happened in the last 24 hours? Well, we were reminded yet again of how the Patriots are cheating cheaters that cheat until they can't cheat