Author: Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Hillary Clinton Gets a New Campaign Adviser

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[BROOKLYN, NEW YORK: HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN OFFICE HEADQUARTERS] ROBBY MOOK: ...and that's why I'm no longer allowed at the Costco on 118th Street. But enough about my day off! As your Campaign Manager, I want to be the first to congratulate you on officially being declared the presumptive nominee! HILLARY CLINTON: Thank you,

Commentist Beer Barrel: In Space!

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Good morning, evening or next Tuesday, fellow Commentists! Low Commander is here to man the Beer Barrel this week, as make it snow embarks on his yearly tradition of being a big quitter and thinking that he's better than you. Never fear, for there are a whole host of guests

Roger Goodell Has A Quiet Day At The Office

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345 Park Avenue, New York [Roger Goodell is sitting alone in his office in a massive black leather desk chair, humming the NFL Red Zone theme music as he fills out paperwork. For once, the curtains are open and the sun shines brightly into the usually gloomy, marble-columned office. The intercom

Fun with Dean Spanos: A Liar’s Guide for Moving to LA

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Late last night, 3 teams officially filed for relocation to Los Angeles: The Oakland Raiders, San Diego Chargers and St. Louis Rams. All 3 have ties to LA, (some more than others), as they have played at least 1 year within the county limits. The lingering idea of moving to

DFO Meetup – Karl Strauss, Costa Mesa

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Earlier this year, my good friend was hired by Karl Strauss as one of their Brewers. Many years ago he home-brewed, where he produced some pretty amazing creations (the Mojito Pale Ale, an Espresso Stout on par with a Yeti and too many Belgians to count all come to mind)

Marcus Mariota Takes a Midnight Stroll

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[Late at night, Marcus Mariota walks alone through a suburban park just outside of Nashville, Tennessee. He seems to constantly be looking over his shoulder, nervously.] Marcus: Come on... Where is he? [The bushes rustle loudly nearby. Marcus freezes.] ???: Quack quack quack! USC: University of Spoiled Children. Marcus: Quack quack! Stanford is