Assholes

Stand For The Anthem, Lie Down For The Ventilator: Your 2020 Dallas Cowboys Preview

Horatio Cornblower -
24

I intended to praise Jerry Jones for his work in this year's draft, albeit work that he undoubtedly had a lot of help with while working the phones from his supervillain yacht.  And he did deserve that praise; while it's foolish to grade drafts in their immediate aftermath, based on

And To Celebrate, We’re Having Ribs: Your 2020 Reigning, Defending, Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs Preview

Horatio Cornblower -
13

Last year I agreed to do the Chiefs preview, since apparently none of us here in the clubhouse root for the Chiefs, other than in the so far vain hope that Chiefs success will lure Otto back into the fold from whatever witness protection program he wandered into after failing

A Feast of Crow: 2020 San Francisco 49ers Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
22

Longtime readers know that I have gone on at interminable length regarding my semi-papal near-infallibility.  I am almost never wrong, and it drives Dr. Mrs. Mayhem fucking insane. But God has no place on the West Coast.  The 6-10 49ers actually went 13-3.  Trip to the Super Bowl. Fuckit. I do feel

I Can See Cleeeeeaarrrly Now, Tom Braaaaady’s Gone: 2020 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
15

[Author's Note: Despite the overwhelmingly positive response to last year's All Interpretive Dance team preview, I have decided not to go back to that well a second year in a row.  Try to contain your disappointment.] So here it is.  It's finally happening.  Like Christmas morning, high school graduation and losing

The Burning Stream: Your 2020 Cleveland Browns Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
19

Cleveland, Ohio is a wonderful city, bursting with many shining examples of culture, fine dining and friendly people. Every single word of that sentence is a filthy lie, except for "Cleveland," "Ohio" and "City."  And frankly, "city" is being generous.  I would have gone with "penal colony," except that usually requires

Paging Rob Manfred, Galactical Disgrace

King Hippo -
271

Please consult with the infinite wisdom of Chuck D: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wOcOBjB3uU I swear to holy tittyfuck, it's like Manfred's raison d'être is to make The Shield look sane, humane, and competent.  Eat shit, you boot licking motherfucker. In better/Lesser news, our beloved Mighty Whitey survive and advance to face the Bees (nae Moose Hornets)

Your “Haves & Have Nots” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
167

NFL News: The opt-out list got a bit larger today, with some notable names: Patriots: Dont'a Hightower, Patrick Chung, Brandon Bolden, Marcus Cannon, Danny Vitale, and Najee Toran. Bears: Eddie Goldman Bills: Star Lotulelei The Bengals agreed to terms with Joe Burrow today. It's a fully guaranteed $36 million deal,

“Ask Not For Whom The Hashtag Tolls” – What’s Going On In Pro Wrestling?

Beerguyrob -
38

So Gratliff on Friday night made the following observation: Now, I had also been following this because I too enjoy the pro grapps; and Their hashtag - #SpeakingOut - was also being used by some groups for other causes, and a student was following it & let me know. So I thought

Shooting Yourself In the D*ck With An AR-15: Comments on the MLB “Reopening”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
17

At this point, political humor is dead. To quote Penny Arcade: “It’s like trying to make fun of a clown. What, are you going to make fun of his tiny car? His floppy shoes? It just doesn’t work.”   Similarly, we’ve run through all the stand-up specials, animated sitcoms, obscure British 90s

Your “The Devil You Know” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
182

NFL News: Shockingly, the owners approved the new playoff format. It's one extra wild-card game per conference. Using MATH, nfl.com worked out that the move to 14 playoff teams means 43.7 percent of all NFL teams would qualify for the postseason, compared to 33.3 percent in MLB (33.3), 51.6 in

Your “Thank Gawd The National Nightmare Is Ovah!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
296

NFL BRADY NOOZ!: It's the Bucs.    Two years at $30 million per season. The Chargers lost out because Brady apparently wanted to stay on the east coast for Gisele family reasons. The Onion, of course, has it all in perspective. https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1240334174130704391 Just after he goes, his center has left for