Your “Are These The Dog Days Of The Season? Feels Like It” NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut - November 6, 2016

507

I guess at some point of any major league schedule the creators must get some middling games out of the way before the rush to the finish, huh? That's the feel I'm getting from some of these tilts here. But for the teams involved there's a ton of difference between

CrimeBeat!: Death to the Mortals! Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - October 27, 2016October 26, 2016

Friends, Halloween is upon us. And to be frank, it's perhaps the most depressing holiday on the calendar for the precise life-space-time coordinates I currently inhabit. I'm 35. I'm happily married and have no kids. And that's the hole in the donut for Halloween. Age 1-13: Dress up and get candy. Age

CrimeBeat!: Peter Pantsless Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - October 20, 2016October 19, 2016

So here we are. We are here. And that's a shame, because on a bright, shiny Fall day we should not be indoors, chained to our computers like slaves to their oars in a Roman galley. We should be outside, feeling the cool air of Mother Nature's Menstrual Period rushing

Your “Chiefs/Bears Fans Can Go **** Themselves-I Had Chores To Do!” Saturday Football Open Thread

scotchnaut - August 27, 2016August 28, 2016

374

I kid, I kid. I'm posting later than I should because of kids. No details are required for any reader that has one or more. They just screw up your timetable effortlessly. From the moment that they slip out of the vag/are purchased on the black market it's just one thing

Your 2016 New York Jets Preview

entropy - August 24, 2016August 23, 2016

Let's just get this out of the way now: Hello DFO and Welcome to your 2016 New York Jets Team Preview! (this concludes the portion of this preview that contains actual excitement) So. The New York Jets. Or Jest, or New York Yets, or the North Jersey "Show Us Your Tits!" Unlicensed New

Your “I Want Football And Boobs-Not Necessarily In That Order” Friday Night Open Thread

scotchnaut - August 19, 2016

638

Aren't breasts of all kinds completely amazing in every way? Let me tell you about my latest experience that occurred just hours ago. I was at the grocery store and I was completely blown away by a perfect set. They were sticking out like a sore thumb at the deli

CrimeBeat!: Take 2 Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - August 16, 2016

So for the two of you who actually saw my post earlier, sorry for the headfake. I lost my grandfather last night (ironically, he had the winning square for "How Long Will He Outlive My Grandmother?") and I was getting all emo and Goth Aaron Rodgers and shit. But then I

Your “THIS IS NOT A DRILL!-The Redux” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

scotchnaut - August 11, 2016

367

Although his powers of evil are completely capable of making it happen, not even RGshithead (that's Roger Goodell) would cancel six games. Right? (my glass is half full btw) So here we are-cheering for football itself, our fave teams and most importantly, NO INJURIES. This is who we are, folks.

CrimeBeat!: Take the Cannoli Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - August 2, 2016August 2, 2016

Well boys and girls, we made it. Training camps are all now officially "going on". Peter King is probably on some back road in Iowa between Mankato and Missouri Western State University, glorying in the soybean fields and meth shacks that he considers "Real America" and (God willing) getting crippling

CrimeBeat!: Isn’t This Where We Came In? Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - July 28, 2016July 28, 2016

Jeebus Cripes. As Albert Einstein (probably never) said, "When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity." And somehow the last year feels like

[DFO] Theogyny: The Feast of the Suspension

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - June 30, 2016June 30, 2016

[1] Lo, and once every summer, Venus and Jupiter and Rigel III shall come into alignment, [2] an obscure and ancient bell shall toll within in NFL Headquarters, and the Watcher of The Seals [3] shall be shuffleth out of his office with an antiquated boombox bigger than he. [D]

CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - April 19, 2016April 19, 2016

OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Chief Asshat is now sitting. God save the Commentariat and this Sport we love and revile. We have