Author: The Maestro

This Week In Violence! Presents Takanakuy

The Maestro -
22

Imagine spending your Christmas beating the shit out of your friends, family members and neighbours. Actually, wait. Some of you probably do that already. But imagine doing that and having one gigantic-ass party to go along with all the fisticuffs. That, folks, is the beauty of takanakuy. Takanakuy is an annual

Have Your Say: Results From Our Inaugural Commentist Survey!

The Maestro -
68

After almost two weeks, we've got enough input in from all you all in our first Commentist Survey! Below are some super-magical interactive charts put together based on everyone's responses. Note: these are interactive pie charts! If you're reading this on a desktop browser, then you can hover your mouse

The winds of s**t are blowin’ in Santa Clara, Randyman.

The Maestro -
10

[EXT. A rundown trailer in a trailer park in Nova Scotia, bright and early on a sunny Sunday morning. We hear deep snoring coming from inside the trailer. Cut to INT, where the rundown trailer is strewn about with assorted liquor bottles, cheeseburger wrappers, and what may or not be

Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro -
19

Because I am an idiot, I am planning on watching the Pro Bowl this weekend. Let's see: teams captained by... Devonta Freeman and Geno Atkins? And OBJ... and Aaron Donald? That's star power right there, folks. Can't wait to see John Kuhn and Latavius Murray catch a two-yard slant for a

Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro -
65

As excited as I am for this weekend's games, no matter how you slice and dice it, there's going to be a nuclear-level amount of hot takes to be floating around the web come Monday morning. I can see them now already, and I'm dreading it: If the Panthers lose: "CAM

Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro -
27

Man, the Steelers are so, so fucked. No Le'Veon Bell, THE BEN can't throw more than probably 10 yards, and now no Antonio Brown. Funny enough, all this destruction has come solely from Vontaze Burfict. I guess he's the new Bernard Pollard of the league. Admittedly, though, [puts on hazmat

Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro -
28

With Fantasy Football now finished for the season (boooo), the Mailbag is now transitioning to that of a grab bag - your sex lives can still get plenty of attention, but anything goes for questions now! Sports! Violence! Inventions! Whatever ya got, it's all on the table here. So welcome back!