Fun with Roger Goodell: A Liar’s Guide for Moving to LA 2 – Electric Byegaloo

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - January 20, 2017January 20, 2017

After sixteen years of threats, the San Diego Chargers officially filed for relocation last Thursday to move to Los Angeles, a city that has made it abundantly clear that they do not want them. His eyes on smoggier pastures and the false promise of more cash monies, Dean Spanos stomp, stomp,

ELECTRIC EXODUS – The Final Showdown

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - January 12, 2017January 12, 2017

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - DOWNTOWN - DAY BREAK BOLTMAN: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN BOLTMAN'S DOMAIN. THE FAITHFUL CHARGED ONES MEANDER ABOUT THEIR PITIFUL, MORTAL LIVES AS ANOTHER LONG OFFSEASON BEGINS. BUT BOLTMAN MUST NOT WAIVER! [Shreds an air guitar solo] IT IS UP TO HIM TO ONCE AGAIN LEAD HIS LEGION

Throwing Salt on Your Snowflakes

jjfozz - January 10, 2017January 6, 2017

If you have kids, they are assholes. I have three kids and the older two are assholes and the younger one is excelling in his Intro To Acting Like an Asshole 101. And if you are a parent, or an owner of children, and you think your kids are darling little

CrimeBeat!: Guess Who’s Rewatching Archer Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - January 10, 2017January 10, 2017

Oh men. MEN! Like fetuses (feti?) experiencing the uncomprehending trauma and struggle of their own nativity, we have been pushed and squeezed and squished until we passed through the birth canal of the regular season and emerged, cold and slimy, into the pitiless bright light of the playoffs. And like

Rogue 23: A Skol Wars Story

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - January 4, 2017January 4, 2017

[Exterior, Space. The camera pans through the cold black nothingness of the void. The underside of a Star Destroyer slowly passes into frame, until the square launch bay is seen. A flash of light, and a pod is launched out of the bay.] [Camera follows the pod as it streaks toward

The Banshee Screams For Buffalo Meat

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 27, 2016December 27, 2016

Oh men. MEN! Lend me your ears; I come to bury Rex, not to praise him. The naughty shit that men do lives after them; The bitchin' is oft interred with their bones; So let it be with Rex. The noble Doug Whaley Hath told you Rex was raucous: If

Winter, You Can Frostbite My Balls

jjfozz - December 21, 2016December 16, 2016

“Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen. “ Willa Cather wrote that and I couldn’t tell you who Willa Cather is if you promised me a tureen full of bourbon, a rack of prime rib, and videos of PK getting

Meanwhile, At The BirdMurderDome…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 20, 2016December 21, 2016

[EXTERIOR, Minneapolis] [Six bedraggled figures, backs stooped and all but one swathed in many layers of mismatched clothing , huddle in a doorway to try to avoid the worst of the bone-cracking wind. As the camera zooms in, it becomes clear that it is a family, with two adults and four

CrimeBeat! Triumphant Return Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 16, 2016December 16, 2016

Oh men. MEN! I apologize, from the deepest cockles of my heart, for the no-doubt-emotionally-devastating wasteland that your lives have been during the prolonged hiatus of CrimeBeat! But fear not, sinners, for the Right Reverend is here to give you succor. (Note: sorry for the format- doing this from my phone

A Large Cup of Boiling, Seething Hate

jjfozz - December 13, 2016December 12, 2016

When I was a little kid, my mother would make something called “honey coffee.” Which was coffee with cream and sugar. I would go to school with caffeine coursing through my veins. This made me a prime target for ruler swinging, eraser throwing nuns. (For older women, they had the

Better Know a Deity: Shan’Khor

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - November 22, 2016November 22, 2016

It's time for another installment of Better Know a Deity. Sure, we all know the big names in the football pantheon like BLEERGH, BOLTMAN! and Al Davis' Revified Corpse. But sometimes a lesser-known god or goddess comes to the fore. (H/t to Thursday Sky Goddess). Name: Shan'Khor Nicknames: “the Merciless"; "Shankopotamus" (not

A New Yorker’s Postmortem on This Election

Senor Weaselo - November 11, 2016November 11, 2016

Well, this election has come and gone and taken years off our life with its vitriol. Colbert was right, too much venom and it feels like we all ODed. By the last few weeks I just wanted it to be over and after I went and voted I sat in