Your Thursday “Asleep-At-the-Switch” Carpenter Thread

WCS - December 14, 2023December 14, 2023

Ahoy-yoy! I realized I never did a Stillers bye week report, but who cares. They're 7-6, will never beat the Patriots in any meaningful way, the offensive is broken to hell, and are somehow in currenth #6th seed. Tomlin Voodoo is real, ya'll. Just accept this. This season has been so

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: Incendiary Camels

The Maestro - May 16, 2019May 13, 2019

Got a few more kids who dropped out on me on my high school team's roster. Stuff's getting real tough looking ahead for next season. Schedule came out this week, and the first game up is against all the farm kids. Giants, every one of 'em. Gotta figure out how

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Gun Shield

The Maestro - May 9, 2019May 8, 2019

"The best defence is a good offence," they say. Just as well. Numbers keep dropping for my high school team's roster - too many kids just not tough enough to make it through spring training. Pretty weak stuff, if you ask me. Oklahoma drills in hailstorms build character, if you

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Windkanone

The Maestro - May 2, 2019May 1, 2019

If there's one thing you know about me, folks, it's that I love wind. It's true. Starting on D in overtime shows confidence. When you've got the wind, how can you feel anything but confidence? I'll take the wind, ten times out of ten. People ask me if I regretted

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Krummlauf

The Maestro - April 25, 2019April 22, 2019

I got upset with my high school quarterback the other day - kid can't throw a damn corner route to save his life. It's not that hard! Just a three-step dropback, let the receiver get a little bit of separation, and let it go. At any rate, kid can't get

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Schwerer Gustav

The Maestro - April 18, 2019April 10, 2019

Seems like it's getting harder and harder to fill out my roster for next fall's high school football team. I wish I'd be able to make the jump back to the NFL soon, but for whatever reason, seems like nobody's answering my texts these days. Kind of a bummer, so

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: Project Habakkuk

The Maestro - April 11, 2019April 11, 2019

Spring is here, which means that it's time for me to whip my high-school team into shape for the upcoming football season. Never too early to get started, really - who cares about baseball? It just gets in the way of Oklahoma drills. As the winter ice melts, my excitement

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Tauchpanzer

The Maestro - April 4, 2019April 4, 2019

You know what disappoints me? Games that get played in domes. There's not enough being done about trying to toughen people up - we need to do more to get football players out doing their thing in all types of weather. Snow, hail, rain - doesn't matter to me. I

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: The Cultivator No. 6

The Maestro - March 28, 2019January 28, 2019

Since I'm no longer coaching pro ball, I thought it'd be a good thing to go back to my roots and think about becoming a head coach at the high school level. Seems like it's a good way to try and share some of my head coaching wisdom as I

Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons: Project Blue Peacock

The Maestro - March 21, 2019January 24, 2019

You know what's scary these days? The New England Patriots. Actually, scratch that. They're always scary. You know what else is scary? Nukes. I feel like somehow we don't talk about that enough these days. Some people remember back when there were fallout drills and stuff in school. Today's kids