I know you're disappointed that, for travel-related reasons, your weekly dose of AFL Beat will be delayed. In an effort to tide you over, I offer this little analysis I did in which I asked the question: What if the NFL used the AFL system to determine playoff seedings? I compiled the
Offseason stories
CrimeBeat!: Lesser Sports Week
23 Days Until The Draft!
MLB Opening Day Reflections on NFL Team Names
CrimeBeat!: Thirty Days Has Smarch
Oh god. The nightmares. The craving. The soul-crushing emptiness for those of us who do not Sully Ourselves with thoughts of Lesser Sports. The Bleakness walks among us, fellow pilgrims. It's another month until the draft. Another goddamned month. There is precious little relief in sight. Unless Will Fuller does the
CrimeBeat!: Rob Ford Memorial Edition
Ladies and gentlemen, sad news from the sporting world today as Toronto Councillo(u)r Rob Ford passed away at 46. We here at CrimeBeat! extend our best wishes to his family, his friends, and his dealers. Due to overwhelming sadness, and a complete goddamn lack of any newsworthy arrests, CrimeBeat! will
Balls’ Bedtime Stories – Chapter 13
Chapter 12 Who was that gorgeous blonde Russian track girl? Who slipped that picture under the door? It seemed that Balls had friends but the picture did not have any of the tell-tale codes that M would have ordered to be included. Balls' mind was whirring with the possibilities. Balls had friends in
Commentist Beer Barrel: Homebrew Edition
Ahoy-hoy, fellow beer coneseu connisor enthusiasts! Make it Snow is out again this week, presumably hiding from (or fleecing) the locust-like hordes of street musicians descending upon Austin. Keep playing that utterly-cliche-acoustic-guitar-ballad, young Rian; you're sure to land a record contract some day! Brettfavrescolonoscopy, in turn, provided perhaps the most Zen
Commentist Beer Barrel: Nobody Likes a Dry Barrel
CrimeBeat!: Meth-Smoking Clown Arrested at Waffle House
Welcome again, imaginary Internet friends! Ohhh men. MEN! The offseason blotter is finally heating up, and CrimeBeat! is here with as many of the sphincter-clenching reality-bombs about the men behind the game we love as I feel like typing about while avoiding work. Joseph Randle got arrested again, but it
Balls’ Bedtime Stories – Chapter Twelve
Writer's Note: To catch up on the full story, follow the links: Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Chapter Twelve Balls was furiously typing into his phone when the dark brown object flashed across his eyes. When Balls regained consciousness, he was strapped to a table made of
