2015 NFL Season Review and Power Rankings

Oh, you poor bastards. Today we careen over the precipice and into an existence devoid of mercy and gentleness, a series of darkening days and nights without dawn. The barrel of the 2015 National Football League season now rests against the back of your head, the danger of it having

In Which We Rank Athletes From Other Sports At Their Potential Ability to Play Football

OK, Thursday night. REAL LIFE ACTUAL HONEST-TO-GOD PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL THAT'S NOT THE CFL. Less than 12 hours until all our hopes and dreams are fulfilled from now until the end of February! However, in the meantime until the pissed-off Patriots run roughshod tonight over a Steelers team missing key contributors in

The 506

For some Labor Day marks the unofficial transition of summer to fall. Some, the changing of the foilage from verdant green to a rich panoply of red, orange, yellow and so forth provides the division. Still others the advent of countless scores of pumpkin based products even though it's not

A Dog’s Breakfast: The 2015 Atlanta Falcons Season Preview

INT. GEORGIA DOME - DAY Astonishingly handsome anchor steps into camera frame. RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Hi folks, it's Rikki-Tikki-Deadly here, and I'm reporting LIVE from the Georgia Dome. It is absolutely thunderous in here...[presses finger to earpiece] Hey, Angela? PRODUCER: [inaudible] RTD: Yeah...it's too much. Can you get them to turn it down? PRODUCER: [inaudible] RTD: I don't

Your 2015 Houston Meh’s Team Preview.

                          MEH!                     The existence of the Houston Texans is an existential question. If a team can nearly makes the playoffs, yet no one is there to watch them or make any noise does the team truly exist? I went to a Houston Texan's game back in 2004. The Texans were hosting the Minnesota Vikings. This

Puzzle: Roster Cuts

INT, LOCKER ROOM - DAY BRANDON WEGHER: Well guys, this is it. Cut day. CHAD ALECXIH: Yep. DAMIERE BYRD: It's been great getting to play with you guys so far. I hope we all make the team. BRANDON: One last ride for the Three Musketeers! DAMIERE: Listen, I don't want to be a dick, but you're

Hard Knocks: Fare Thee Well Intrepid Traveler

We bid adieu to another installment of Hard Knocks. Last preseason game and final round of cuts should feature prominently tonight. Good bye Houston, I hope you enjoy your inevitable 9-7 season because of your lack of a front line QB in an age that practically exclusively favors that position to

I heard that something happened with the Patriots today…

Oh, men. MEN. And WOMEN. And GENDER FLUID. “Inside a room accessible only to Belichick and a few others, they found a library of scouting material containing videotapes of opponents’ signals, with detailed notes matching signals to plays for many teams going back seven seasons. Among them were handwritten diagrams of