Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Midweek Special!

ballsofsteelandfury - April 12, 2016April 10, 2016

I know you're disappointed that, for travel-related reasons, your weekly dose of AFL Beat will be delayed. In an effort to tide you over, I offer this little analysis I did in which I asked the question: What if the NFL used the AFL system to determine playoff seedings? I compiled the

CrimeBeat!: For Whom The Bell-End Tolls

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - March 3, 2016March 3, 2016

It was another boring week here at CrimeBeat!- no one went batshit at the Combine, there were no Fax Machine Malfunctions at the franchise tag deadline, but (as far as we know) no one punched, choked or otherwise abused a spouse or child, so....progress? In the great journalistic tradition of

DFO’s Spooktacular Halloween in review

Scary Texan Stories

Duchess - November 2, 2015November 2, 2015

Halloween is over and everyone is recovering from alcohol poisoning or diabetic shock ( A typical Sunday/Monday if you're Andy Reid). Or maybe you stayed in because you made the mistake of eatign a Halloween whopper and feared you contracted salmonella (#whyismypoopgreen?) Statistically speaking as an adult you either dressed up

The #Humblebragger

Horatio Cornblower - October 31, 2015October 31, 2015

137

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten Oilers lore— While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a thudding, As of some one violently chopping, chopping at my chamber door. “’Tis Earl Campbell,” I muttered, “running over some defender poor— Only this

The Texan Football Experiment

makeitsnowondem - October 31, 2015October 31, 2015

In 2013, researchers at the University of Houston exposed five people to an entire season of some of the worst football of all time. Promising potential subjects the opportunity to watch every minute of an all-time great season by a generational defensive football talent, rent-free and supplied with endless barbecue,

The Monkey’s Paw : A Texan Tale

Doktor Zymm - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

Years ago I went to a dinner party. In attendance at this party were an old soldier, who had traveled extensively in India and a Houston Oilers fan. After dinner, over brandy and cigars, the Oilers fan was complaining about Bud Adams's management of the team. He

Selfieman

MikeWallaceAndGromit - October 31, 2015October 31, 2015

"Come on man, do it." "No, I don't want to." "What, are you SCARED?!" "No! I just...don't want to do it!" "You'll never have a chance at starting in the NFL unless you do it! Everybody does it!" "Unless you blow out your knee you mean...." "Whatever." "OK FINE!! I'm not scared!" Zach Mettenberger enters the Tennessee Titans'

The Tale of The Texan

WhyEaglesWhy - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

A few years ago, on Halloween night, a lovely young lady consented to accompany me on a date. HEY, COME BACK, THAT'S NOT THE SCARY PART! After a romantic dinner at Sizzler, we drove to Lovers’ Lane so I could work off that five slices of cheese toast. It was at a

The Texans Hitchhiker

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

As I traveled extensively in a former occupation, I have seen events to destroy men’s souls and psyches. One fall, I was in Houston, Texas, en route to a job on a Sunday morning, when I saw a man standing on the side of the road, waving a large, blue

The Dirk Half

Scary Texan Stories

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 31, 2015October 31, 2015

A number of years ago, back before my children were born, I traveled quite a bit for work. One fall I found myself in Little Rock, Arkansas for a two week assignment. Little Rock isn't much of a city for tourists, so during the weekend I was there I thought

Don’t Turn on the Lights!

Duchess - October 31, 2015October 31, 2015

Sarah commandeered the room in the basement of her dorm as soon as she realized she would have to pull an all-nighter in order to prepare for tomorrow’s mid-term exam. Her roommate, Skylar, liked to get to bed early, so she packed up everything she thought she would need and went

In the Dome of Dementia

pickettschargeksk - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

How we came to that blasphemous place is a tale so unworthy of the appalling events that succeeded it that I hesitate to offer any word on the subject at all. Suffice to say we were retained through intermediaries acting on behalf of what they would only describe as "a party