Scary Texan Stories

The 2016 “Houston Texans” Preview

SonOfSpam -
31

    George Berkeley was an eighteenth-century Irish philosopher who's primarily known for his ideas on immaterialism (later known as "subjective idealism"). This idea is that visible objects, even the world itself, only exist in the mind that perceives them. It is certainly counter-intuitive but contains a valuable insight that has been passed on

CrimeBeat!: Now With Extra Preservatives!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
29

Gentlemen and ladies- I would like to formally retract my "this year's draft is boring and too drawn out" statements. Not the "drawn out" part, because that remains an Undeniable Truth, but still- that was pretty spectacular. Trades! Surprise slides! TV showing a gas mask in a context other than

Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Rounds 4 and 5

ballsofsteelandfury -
19

In case you missed it, I was in Dallas last weekend visiting a friend and enjoying a lot of this: and this so I was in no state to write the AFL Beat.  Upon my return, work was crazy busy so my promised mid-week edition of the AFL Beat did not happen.

Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Midweek Special!

ballsofsteelandfury -
28

I know you're disappointed that, for travel-related reasons, your weekly dose of AFL Beat will be delayed. In an effort to tide you over, I offer this little analysis I did in which I asked the question:  What if the NFL used the AFL system to determine playoff seedings? I compiled the

CrimeBeat!: For Whom The Bell-End Tolls

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
75

It was another boring week here at CrimeBeat!- no one went batshit at the Combine, there were no Fax Machine Malfunctions at the franchise tag deadline, but (as far as we know) no one punched, choked or otherwise abused a spouse or child, so....progress? In the great journalistic tradition of

DFO’s Spooktacular Halloween in review

Duchess -
7

Halloween is over and everyone is recovering from alcohol poisoning or diabetic shock ( A typical Sunday/Monday if you're Andy Reid). Or maybe you stayed in because you made the mistake of eatign a Halloween whopper and feared you contracted salmonella (#whyismypoopgreen?) Statistically speaking as an adult you either dressed up

The #Humblebragger

Horatio Cornblower -
137

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten Oilers lore—     While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a thudding, As of some one violently chopping, chopping at my chamber door. “’Tis Earl Campbell,” I muttered, “running over some defender poor—             Only this

The Texan Football Experiment

makeitsnowondem -
19

In 2013, researchers at the University of Houston exposed five people to an entire season of some of the worst football of all time. Promising potential subjects the opportunity to watch every minute of an all-time great season by a generational defensive football talent, rent-free and supplied with endless barbecue,

The Monkey’s Paw : A Texan Tale

Doktor Zymm -
26

Years ago I went to a dinner party. In attendance at this party were an old soldier, who had traveled extensively in India and a Houston Oilers fan. After dinner, over brandy and cigars, the Oilers fan was complaining about Bud Adams's management of the team. He

Selfieman

MikeWallaceAndGromit -
10

"Come on man, do it." "No, I don't want to." "What, are you SCARED?!" "No! I just...don't want to do it!" "You'll never have a chance at starting in the NFL unless you do it! Everybody does it!" "Unless you blow out your knee you mean...." "Whatever." "OK FINE!! I'm not scared!" Zach Mettenberger enters the Tennessee Titans'