Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston Shares His Secrets

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 22, 2015October 22, 2015

Greetings, dear Winstonians! I trust you are enjoying this season of football to its utmost--biting your nails at the close finishes, cursing the ineptitude of your teams' coaches, and reveling in the glory that comes from a decisive win! Your dear old Bud has been following the ins and outs

Coping With Loss in La Jolla

Old School Zero - October 13, 2015

(somewhere on a sunny beach in La Jolla, Callifornia) Brad: Brah! Good waves out there today. Jackson: Totally, brah. And my gal K8 [ed. note--literally spelled that way] packed me a whole box of fresh fish tacos. Brad: Rad! With the guac? Jackson: Yup. And I made some of that mango salsa. Brad: Sweet. So, did you go to the game

Somewhere outside of Jersey City…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 8, 2015October 8, 2015

Corn Maze Employee #1: I'm telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked disturbed. I don't think there was even a corn stalk out of place. #2:

Meanwhile, in the San Diego Locker Room…

NotKontent

Old School Zero - October 2, 2015October 2, 2015

Brandon Flowers: Damn, it's been almost a week and I'm still bummed out from losing so badly to the Vikings. Malcolm Floyd: Tell me about it. I keep running through how we could have turned it around in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. I've hardly slept, man. Flowers:

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 23, 2015September 22, 2015

Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I've been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of specialized disaster, and this year was no exception! Up was down, wrong was right, and even the Raiders won

French Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!

Not Pictured: The Mouse Toy He Brings on International Travel

NotKontent

Old School Zero - September 21, 2015September 21, 2015

/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c'est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike. /drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his

BOLTMAN’S 2015 CHARGERS GUARANTEE

Old School Zero - September 3, 2015August 22, 2015

(Pictured above: a child's conception of Boltman) [Ed. Note--for best results, open the links in a new tab as you read and close them after about 10 - 20 seconds; this will provide the full experience of having songs emanate from various foam parts of Boltman's costume] FINALLY, BOLTMAN can see the END

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s 2015 Centers Preview

NotKontent

Old School Zero - August 26, 2015August 26, 2015

Dateline: August 26th, 2015 Hello once again, dear readers, and welcome to that most exciting time of the summer: the end of the offseason! We are but tens of days away from kicking the 2015 season off, and much like my Bouncy Blonde Bombshell after one of my patented rub-a-dub-and-dab in

NSA Telephone Transcript #68U127IP93

Old School Zero - August 19, 2015August 19, 2015

[brief ringing sound, then a phone picking up] OSZ: [brief sound of a phone being fumbled then dropped; faintly] Ah, what the fuck… Drunk Uncle Roy: ZERO! ARE YA THERE MY BOY? OSZ: [sound of a cat meowing loudly] Gimme that… hullo? DUR: ZERRROOOOO! WE’RE UN! DEE! FEET! ED! OSZ: Oh no. Is that you

Mad MaKSK: A Furious DFOde

Old School Zero - August 12, 2015October 31, 2015

[Photoshops and writing help from Mike Wallace And Gromit] (A hot summer sun is rising over the wasteland, and while the misery of life after the end remains, something is in the air--today is different, and feeling this shift, a brainless beast emerges from its cave) THE BEN: HAAARF! THE BEN HAVE