Author: Wakezilla

Your ‘English Premier League has a Race problem’ Saturday AM Thread

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Good morning fellow DFOers! Thanks to the good folks at Make-a-Wish foundation, your imaginary pal Wakezilla is hosting the Lesser Footy AM thread again. If anyone asks, I have tumorsyphilisitisosis. Yes, I know the disease sounds both sexy and very terminal. *cough* In case you are wondering about the featured image, that

Your Saturday Morning Lesser Footy thread: Jose’s last stand?

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Good morning! Your favorite fifth stringer, Tom Tupa Wakezilla, is filling in for Don T, Hippo, Balls and Litre this morning. I’m not sure why Don T is out, but he was screaming something about La Llorona. I couldn’t exactly hear Hippo’s excuse because someone was pounding on his front door.

Bob McNair goes to the Good Place

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/Inside an empty waiting room with an instrumental version of Creed’s My Sacrifice being played in the background /Suddenly, a Door Flies Open. A younger looking Bob McNair enters the room Bob McNair: What in the hell? Where am I? /A Confused McNair notices another door to his left and decides to walk

Miami Dolphins at the Bye: Limpin’ ain’t easy

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As an older millennial . . . /Wakezilla dodges batteries, tin cans and feces thrown at him I was trained to hate MASH, particularly the theme song because it signified the end of two wonderful hours of Simpsons and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air syndicated episodes on CBC. Unfortunately, this song best describes

A Glass of Champagne and the ’72 Dolphins: Educating youths of a tradition never discussed

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“When you go to history, let’s go into history. Don’t just go to your history. Let’s go to the history. Or don’t go into history at all. If you going to go back there, we can go back there. Or we can stay right here. … This is what they

2018 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Preview

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*Camera goes on to reveal Donald Trump inside Trump Tower late at night. Trump is holding and reading from his ipad, with a smile on his face, until he reads the latest headline on AOL's main page* Trump in a sarcastic voice: Oh you really nailed me there, Oliver. I've been

The 2018 Miami Dolphins Preview: Where Hope goes to Die

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Do you like the national anthem controversy? Well then I have a team for you! In a desperate act to get people to stop associating their team with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, the Miami Dolphins have now become associated with fascism. Way to go guys! Last season, Kenny Stills, Donkey Kong

Final thoughts: The 2018 World Cup comes to an end

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The dust has been settled, the alcohol from Sunday has finally worn off and the teams have gone home. It's time for some concluding thoughts about this World Cup. Where do you rank this World Cup? Balls: I've said it before,  but I honestly think it's the Best World Cup EVAR! I've

World Cup Reflection: A round table discussion of what has happened so far

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Inside an empty DFO boardroom, the door flies open In walks Downton Abbey actor, Jim Carter, wearing his traditional Carson outfit Carter: All rise for the current fantasy DFO World Cup of Lesser footy leader. . . as of July 5th, 2018, Master, Wakezilla. In walks the King amongst men, Wakezilla. Wakezilla

Farewell, Sweet Prince: World Cup Day 13

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Good morning! Thank you for coming. I hope you had your cup of Joe and are ready for some intense lesser footy action. Group C and D will finish their group play today. As I was on my way home from work yesterday, I began reflecting on which World Cups I

Russia 2018–World Cup Day 3: Father’s Day Edition

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Feliz Dia del Padre everyone! Unlike in North America where Father’s Day is celebrated on the 3rd Sunday of June, most Latin American countries celebrate Father’s Day on June 17th. Yes, no matter what day it is, as long as it is the 17th of June, it’s Father’s Day. Short story: Long

World Cup 2018 Japan Preview: A Monstrous Mess

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Japan is a really cool country that everyone should visit in their lifetime because it has just about everything a person can ask for. It's an ancient culture that is on the cutting age of technology. And they have a ton of weird shit--including sea creatures that eat from their ass.