Angry Dad – Who is this bastard?

jjfozz - May 23, 2016May 21, 2016

They fucked up. Yup, the Gods of DFO decided to let me write a regular post. There’s no going back now. Like Hunter Thompson wrote, “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” So what’s this ride about? Angry Dad is about my experiences as a middle aged father of three living in a world

FA Cup Final Open Thread

King Hippo - May 21, 2016May 21, 2016

Big Boy Fox has you covered, pre-game at Noon EST, kickoff 12:30. Dunno whether Gus Johnson and his miscast-for-lesser-footy enthusiasm will be announcing again or not. He really drives the ex-pats bonkers, FWIW. The matchup between Manure and Crystal Palace will have a damned strange feel for a final.

CrymBeet?: At My Most Beautiful

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - May 17, 2016May 17, 2016

And so on. This week's CrimeBeat! is brought to you by the letters F and U, and the number tequila. It's a Satan's Asshole week at CrimeBeat! Home Office, between work, grandparental health issues and it being Day 15 of Dr. Mrs. Mayhem being in the goddamned Himalayas. Enjoy your week,

CrimeBeat!: Second Thoughts Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - May 10, 2016May 10, 2016

And then came the hangover. I'm still excited to see what the New Bills can do. And I'm still excited to see Todd Bowles stand up in front of the New York media and have to grind out the words "We have every confidence in Geno Smith as our starting quarterback"

The Dog Days of Off-Season

blaxabbath - May 9, 2016May 9, 2016

I'm not a Monday guy. I'm a work-hard-play-hard SOB who wakes up at the beginning of every week exhausted and in no mood for anyone's bullshit. Yes, I know I can use Sunday evening to prepare myself for the week ahead. Then again, I can also use it to enjoy myself

CrimeBeat!: Now With Extra Preservatives!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - May 5, 2016May 5, 2016

Gentlemen and ladies- I would like to formally retract my "this year's draft is boring and too drawn out" statements. Not the "drawn out" part, because that remains an Undeniable Truth, but still- that was pretty spectacular. Trades! Surprise slides! TV showing a gas mask in a context other than

Let Fury Have the Hour

jjfozz - May 5, 2016May 5, 2016

Note: Blaxabbath challenged me to write this post. And it brought out the worst in me, including my language. I want to dig you up, set you on fire, feed you to rabid dogs, and burn what’s left. Before we start on this journey to the blackest hole of hatred for the

Your “Throwing In The Towel” Wednesday Open Thread

Beerguyrob - May 4, 2016May 4, 2016

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(FYI: his name was Max; he was a rescued dog; he died of cancer at 8; he was the bestest.) The Browns paraded their top draft picks before the media. Something seems a little off about the picture: Wouldn't you line them up the other way? If this were Carolina, I'd say

CrimeBeat!: The One With The Bourble

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - April 26, 2016April 26, 2016

Greetings, Starfighter. You have been drafted by the National Football League to defend the Shield against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada. God, I loved that movie as a kid. Video games save the known universe. Mary Catherine Stewart, who still has her fastball at the age of 57. The "Death Blossom"

Diary of a Panic Attack Pt. 1

WCS - April 25, 2016April 25, 2016

Sup, kiddos. I used to suffer from the occasional panic attack episodes (meaning 1-4 over the span of 2-3 days) every year, year and half growing up. I didn't know what they were, nor did my parents ever really see fit to have it looked into. It's not their fault; I

CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - April 19, 2016April 19, 2016

OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Chief Asshat is now sitting. God save the Commentariat and this Sport we love and revile. We have

CrimeBeat!: Celebratory Edition

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - April 14, 2016April 14, 2016

Alright kids- turns out I am doing this week's CrimeBeat!, because my Dad ended up defying expectations and not dying on the operating table. Go modern medicine! I am exhausted and jubilant and incredibly pissed off that clients don't seem to understand the term "family medical emergency" when they really need