Well fuckery. I mean, Fourth of July weekend is traditionally a feast for your everyday Pulp Sports Crime Writer, and not just because Uncle Rick and Aunt Rita made hot dogs AND ribs AND hot links AND italian beef AND that shitty Jello-mold thing. It's the perfect convergence of 1.
Offseason stories
CrimeBeat!: Requiem for a Lightweight Edition
It's 4 pm on an offseason Tuesday. Do you know where your tangentially-NFL-related crime stories are? THEY ARE RIGHT FUCKING HERE! LET YOUR CELEBRATIONS AND MERRY-MAKING COMMENCE! Once again, I find myself compelled to apologize to you, gentle reader, because you come to this site for The Funny, or at least the
Your “It’s All the 2004 Red Sox’s Fault” Monday Open Thread
NFL Notes: Vince Wilfork is talking about sticking around another couple of years. Good. John Fox violated the Ten Commandments & told a giant lie about Jay Cutler. Today's Acela Excreta was another guest column. God - I hope it's better than last week: School’s out for summer. Ugh. We covered that. Excellent
Offseason Diversions: Euro 2016 and Copa América Centenario Open POSTS and Thread
Mandatory minicamps start by mid-June. In the meantime, IT’S THE EURO AND COPA CENTENARIO! The U.S.A is hosting the Copa and already teams are dissing the travel arrangements. Are you gonna take this from invading Peter Kings? Many are leftists. Or are WE, COMMENTISTS, GONNA POST SOMETHING ABOUT IT!1!1 As humans, the
CrymBeet?: At My Most Beautiful
Knee Injuries Part 4: Surgery.
A Voicemail Salute to Sterling Mallory Archer
During these dark, feces-filled times that we call April through July (Most Glorious Draft Weekend aside), one must find cold comfort where one can. There is reading (I just finished Orlando Figes' "The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia" - HIGHLY recommended), and there is prestige television. From
CrimeBeat!: Second Thoughts Edition
The Dog Days of Off-Season
“Drafting For Character” and Other Spectacular Draft Lies
CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition
OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Chief Asshat is now sitting. God save the Commentariat and this Sport we love and revile. We have
CrimeBeat!: Celebratory Edition
Alright kids- turns out I am doing this week's CrimeBeat!, because my Dad ended up defying expectations and not dying on the operating table. Go modern medicine! I am exhausted and jubilant and incredibly pissed off that clients don't seem to understand the term "family medical emergency" when they really need