Coming on the heels of SonOfSpam doing a great job filling in for our resident Cicerone, make it snow, you were probably all looking forward to getting back to your regularly scheduled programming. Unfortunately, make it snow is locked in the trunk of my car unavailable to share another review
Author: BrettFavresColonoscopy
Mock YEAH!
NFL Heroes
NFL Fan Drunkenness News OR How Do We Stop Worrying and Get Sponsored By a Breathalyzer?
Apparently BACtrack (sidenote: AWESOME name for a company) has been collecting blood alcohol content data on NFL gamedays and analyzing which fans are drunkest. Since I presume very few of you own their breathalyzer smartphone integration tools, I think they overlooked our skewed drinking numbers and settled on...the fucking Bills?
Boo This Man
[SCENE: Interior, NFL Headquarters. Uneaten pizzas litter the tables as men in suits nervously check their blackberries for updates on the DOW, emails from their assistants, and missives from their mistresses. The room is silent save the clicking from their outdated keyboards and the nearly imperceptible wheezing emanating from the
Bears Bye Week Update: In the Deep Deep Woods
Chicago Firesale?
Earlier today, the Chicago Bears traded DE/LB/Mullet Enthusiast Jared Allen to the Carolina Panthers. Had to be a good deal, right? According to the WWL: "The Bears will pay $11.5 million of Allen's salary, while the Panthers will pay him $823,000, sources told ESPN. The Bears will get a conditional pick
A Brief Liturgical Interlude
[Scene: Interior of a Temple in Bristol, Connecticut. Eight large men are gathered in the first two rows, speaking reverently in hushed tones.] Nate Ebner: Good Yontiv, boys! Mark Herzlich: Gmar Tov, and I hope everyone is having an easy fast. Good Yontiv. Geoff Schwartz: Thanks to everyone for coming today. As you
An American Football Fan in Paris
As many DFOers/Kommentists/DFOoses/whatevers know, our own Old School Zero is currently training for a cheese eating/surrendering contest by exploring France from the tip of her Eiffel Tower to the taint of her Larzac Valley. 'Twasn't shortly after arriving in Paris that he intrepidly snapped this photo: Since he didn't get a
There’s Something Rotten in Ashburn
Fans in the Woods: 2015 Chicago Bears Preview
2015 DFO Chicago Bears Preview A Conversation Between Cuntler and BrettFavresColonoscopy, moderated by Jeff Joniak Jeff Joniak: Hey there, sports fans, welcome to the first ever Chicago Bears preview on Door Flies Open! I’m Jeff Joniak, voice of the Chicago Bears while you’re tailgating or at home and need to listen to
