Author: Wakezilla

Russia 2018–World Cup Day 3: Father’s Day Edition

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Feliz Dia del Padre everyone! Unlike in North America where Father’s Day is celebrated on the 3rd Sunday of June, most Latin American countries celebrate Father’s Day on June 17th. Yes, no matter what day it is, as long as it is the 17th of June, it’s Father’s Day. Short story: Long

World Cup 2018 Japan Preview: A Monstrous Mess

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Japan is a really cool country that everyone should visit in their lifetime because it has just about everything a person can ask for. It's an ancient culture that is on the cutting age of technology. And they have a ton of weird shit--including sea creatures that eat from their ass.

World Cup 2018 Panama Preview: The Dirtiest Players in the Game

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Panama is an interesting team (on paper) because their World Cup tournament could go one of two ways. The first way is what most people are predicting: the oldest and arguably least talented squad in the tournament is going to finish last and will be lucky to score a goal.

World Cup 2018 South Korea Preview: So you’re saying there’s a chance

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*Scene opens to a pitch black room. All you can see is black and the sounds of an older man grunting* Old Man breathing heavily: Oh yeah, that little black dress is getting a little uncomfortable. Take it off, baby. *The sound of pumping Vaseline can be heard* OM: Oh yeah, almost there,

World Cup 2018 Brazil Preview: The Redeem Team

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Brazil is a scary, scary team. In the 2014 World Cup, Brazil was in an awkward transition stage where the lost/disgraceful generation of Brazilian players stepped down for the new era of players to take over. Most notably, despite being 22 years old, Brazil became Neymar’s team. This in itself

World Cup 2018 Croatia Preview: It feels a little like ’98

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It seems like yesterday when I was a kid watching Croatia make their World Cup debut in 1998. I remember thinking their checkered jerseys were cool. Combine those sweet uniforms with Davor Šuker's cheeky skills and I was rooting for Croatia during their magical 3rd place finish. I think there is a great

Champions League Lesser Footy: Hump Day Edition Roundtable

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Happy Hump Day everyone! Listen to her "singing" here. I can't imagine how she could have butchered the National Anthem We have a special edition of Champions League lesser footy today. England's lesser footy equivalent of the P*triots, Manchester United, play Sevilla. Oh, there's so many reasons to hate these crumpet eating

Evil Celebrity Pickakke

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This year’s Superb owl features Satan’s favorite team—the New England Patriots—playing against the Philadelphia Eagles, whose fan base happens to be her favorite. Factor in Donald Trump being president, and this year’s celebrity pickakke should be evil and bad. It’s what we deserve. . . Hello fellow DFOers, I dipped into

NHL Playoffs Preview: The Ice Titans

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Unless you’re an NHL owner, when you hear the name Gary Bettman, chances are your blood will boil, followed by sounding like you have a bad case of Tourette’s. One of the many reasons why people hate Bettman is because of his atrocious Bible belt experiment. To be fair to Bettman,

Your “Anyone but France” Championship Sunday Morning Open Thread

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Happy Sabbath! There are a lot of important sporting events happening this morning. Before we begin, did you see this weird Madden glitch  catch on Friday? Maple NFL is so crazy.   Here's what's on the menu: 1) Wimbledon Final: 5 AM PST. TSN, ESPN Canada's Milos Raonic vs Scotland's Andy Murray: The UK