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"I wish this Turkish team was around over 100 years ago. With all the missed shots maybe more of my great-grandmother’s family would have survived." – Senor Weaselo

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Category: Team Previews

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  • Brady Bunch in the Bay – The Buccaneers 2020 DFO Preview

    Brady Bunch in the Bay – The Buccaneers 2020 DFO Preview

    August 11, 2020

    Our 2019 Tampa Bay preview focused on the team’s nickname and the crab-filching faltching felching stealing quarterback. Well, seasons change, people change, but Tampa…

  • Zero Expectations – 2020 Black Panthers Preview

    Zero Expectations – 2020 Black Panthers Preview

    August 10, 2020

    The notable carryovers from last year’s Black Panthers are Christian McCaffrey and their motto: “Keep pounding”—incidentally, tWBS’s mission statement regarding female service staff across…

  • Hate Week 2020 Retrospective: Revisiting My Disasterous 49ers Preview

    Hate Week 2020 Retrospective: Revisiting My Disasterous 49ers Preview

    January 27, 2020

    Welcome, everyone- it’s Hate Week 2020 at DFO!  It is my third-favorite time of the football year, trailing only Draftsmas Eve and P*triots Schadenfreude…

  • Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview

    Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview

    September 4, 2019

    [Author’s Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of…

  • Paranormal Wattivity….. Your 2019 Texans Preview

    Paranormal Wattivity….. Your 2019 Texans Preview

    August 30, 2019

    The Scene: a Dark Room, what kind of room, you may ask? A room that would be at an NFL facility.  Just use your…

  • A Slightly Informed 2019 Green Bay Packers Preview

    A Slightly Informed 2019 Green Bay Packers Preview

    August 30, 2019

    For some reason, this website let a me, a dumb Bears fan, write the 2016 Green Bay Packers preview.  I predicted a 10-6 record…

  • So It’s Come To This: The 2019 Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview

    So It’s Come To This: The 2019 Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview

    August 28, 2019

    Reader: In order to comply with the bylaws of the Door Flies Open Act of 2015, we are duly sworn to publish annual season…

  • You Philistines Don’t Deserve Marcus MarioTa – Titans 2019 Preview

    You Philistines Don’t Deserve Marcus MarioTa – Titans 2019 Preview

    August 28, 2019

    A lot to unpack there! First, hey Fox: fuck you for the misspelling. I’m gonna speculate that the graphics guy was an older feller…

  • 2019 Minnesota Vikings Team Preview.

    2019 Minnesota Vikings Team Preview.

    August 27, 2019

    Interior: Vikings draft room just prior to the 2019 NFL draft. Rick Spielman: “Alright guys. This is it. Our final draft board. Let’s go…

  • What Kind of Circus Features Kickers? Your 2019 Chicago Bears Preview

    What Kind of Circus Features Kickers? Your 2019 Chicago Bears Preview

    August 27, 2019

    Awesome Photoshop courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers   Ah, the NFL offseason, always filled with optimism, Dan Snyderschadenfraude, and this year,…

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[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

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