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Category: Assholes
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Your Yinzer Injury Report 2019
Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands. THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT…
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Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Seven
Welcome back! Last night, we got a classic AFC West battle between the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs. On Fox. I still…
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MOST GLORIOUS EL BEISBOL CARDINALS (and some NFL thing) Open Thread
That’s right, kids- Uncle Scotchy is…indisposed for the evening. Some people just can’t hold their chloroform. WHICH MEANS that Ol’ Reverend Mayhem is driving…
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Wangs of New York: Your 2019 Buffalo Bills Bye Week Bonanza
[Interior. Press Room at the Meadowlands. JOSH ALLEN is at the podium, answering questions after beating the New York “Football” “Giants”.] ANONYMOUS PR FLACK:…
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Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Six
Welcome back! Last night, the NFL decided we had had enough close quality games and decided to force feed the nation the not-at-all anticipated…
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Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Five
Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL’s second attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Los Angeles Rams against the…
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Go Home, Fate, You’re Drunk: 2019 Detroit Lions at the Bye
[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on “Not goin’ outthere!” and “You…
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The Miami Dolphins at the Bye
Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field. I’m your host,…
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Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Four
Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL’s attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Green Bay Packers against the Philadelphia…
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Huh…..: Your San Francisco 49ers Bye Week Update
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!??!?!? YES!!!! Friends, I have preached before at interminable length about how we live in The New Time of Wonders. Now BLEERGH!,…