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Tag: CrimeBeat!
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CrimeBeat!: Requiem for a Lightweight Edition
It’s 4 pm on an offseason Tuesday. Do you know where your tangentially-NFL-related crime stories are? THEY ARE RIGHT FUCKING HERE! LET YOUR CELEBRATIONS…
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CrimeBeat!: Lead-Based Hangover Edition
So I wasn’t planning on doing a CrimeBeat! this week, as 1. it’s the off-off season, 2. work is shitty and makes me not…
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CrymBeet?: At My Most Beautiful
And so on. This week’s CrimeBeat! is brought to you by the letters F and U, and the number tequila. It’s a Satan’s Asshole…
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CrimeBeat!: Second Thoughts Edition
And then came the hangover. I’m still excited to see what the New Bills can do. And I’m still excited to see Todd Bowles…
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CrimeBeat!: Now With Extra Preservatives!
Gentlemen and ladies- I would like to formally retract my “this year’s draft is boring and too drawn out” statements. Not the “drawn out”…
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CrimeBeat!: The One With The Bourble
Greetings, Starfighter. You have been drafted by the National Football League to defend the Shield against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada. God, I loved…
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CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition
OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished…
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CrimeBeat!: Celebratory Edition
Alright kids- turns out I am doing this week’s CrimeBeat!, because my Dad ended up defying expectations and not dying on the operating table.…
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CrimeBeat!: Lesser Sports Week
Holy piss, it’s another CrimeBeat! So this is the only week between now and the draft that I will concede a “normal” person can…
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CrimeBeat!: Thirty Days Has Smarch
Oh god. The nightmares. The craving. The soul-crushing emptiness for those of us who do not Sully Ourselves with thoughts of Lesser Sports. The…