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"THIS GUY, RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM PETE HEGSETH BECUASE HE LIKES TO DECLARE HIS BOMBERS HAVE DESTROYED SOMETHING WHEN THEY REALLY HAVEN’T" – LemonJello

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Author: Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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  • Aaron Rodgers Receives a Call

    Aaron Rodgers Receives a Call

    November 25, 2015

    AARON RODGERS: [phone rings] Oh, hey David. DEREK CARR: Goddamnit, Aaron, that’s not funny anymore. AARON RODGERS: [chuckles] How’s it going, kiddo? DEREK CARR:…

  • A Welker Darkly

    A Welker Darkly

    November 18, 2015

    In early November of that year, nine months after he entered free agency, Wes was transferred to a practice facility in St. Louis, which is located…

  • Aldon Smith Appeals His Suspension

    Aldon Smith Appeals His Suspension

    November 17, 2015

    INT. DAYTIME – ROGER GOODELL’S OFFICE ROGER GOODELL – the NFL commissioner – sits behind a desk shrouded with a dark sheet. ALDON SMITH…

  • I am Keenan Allen’s Lacerated Kidney

    I am Keenan Allen’s Lacerated Kidney

    November 11, 2015

    YOU WAKE UP at MetLife Stadium. Every kickoff and kneeldown, when the ball was booted off a tee or snapped by the center, I…

  • What’s Your “Human Garbage” Number?

    What’s Your “Human Garbage” Number?

    November 7, 2015

    So after seeing the photographs and police report materials this week, we can all agree with Katie Nolan’s assessment that Greg Hardy is “human…

  • Meanwhile, on the CW…

    Meanwhile, on the CW…

    November 4, 2015

    EXT. DAYTIME – SANTA LUISA Scene opens with a helicopter shot over the ocean, sliding sideways over smooth sets of waves, bright sunlight reflecting off…

  • The Dirk Half

    The Dirk Half

    October 31, 2015

    A number of years ago, back before my children were born, I traveled quite a bit for work. One fall I found myself in…

  • DFO Radio: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

    DFO Radio: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

    October 30, 2015

    Happy Halloween everybody!  Stay safe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhSc8qVMjKM&list=PLM8nWenhx6H_kwH_RKKhkH8bYvcTeqL13  

  • Request Line: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

    Request Line: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

    October 28, 2015

    ROB RYAN: AWWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOOOO!!!! DFO TRANSLATION ALGORITHM: Hello, and welcome to a surprise midseason edition of Request Line! I’m your special host Rob Ryan, and…

  • American Jet (Part 2)

    American Jet (Part 2)

    October 21, 2015

    The smell of blood works its way into my dreams, which are, for the most part, terrible: trapped on a green and white Boeing…

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[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

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