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Author: The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
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HAPPY FUN BRAIN SCREAMING TIME: A Buffalo Bills Season Preview!
Holy shit, you guys, I can’t remember going into a Bills regular season so stoked about their chances to Make Some Noise since… well,…
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LIONS SIGN STAFFORD TO $135 MILLION CONTRACT
Quarterback intends to buy the entirety of the City of Detroit; unsure what to do with remaining $130 million
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CrimeBeat!: Detroit Lions Season Preview Edition
(Puts on Vince Mancini hat, dusts off Armond White’s seminal work, “Ethnic Frisson: Pretentiously Overbearing Pontification in Mid-Pre-Post-Modern Cinematic TruthBombing”) I am continually fascinated…
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BEARS LB FREEMAN SAVES STRANGER WITH HEIMLICH MANEUVER
“We know everything there is to know about choking” says five-year veteran.
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Jeremy Maclin Makes Huge Mistake
“I really wanted to fuck up my chance to make a real difference with a great team,” says the newly-signed Baltimore Raven receiver.
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Cleveland Roulette: Garrett or Trubisky?
So whose it gonna be? Whose luck finally runs out when the Browns turn in their draft index card thingy? Is it going to…
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CrimeBeat!: Bat Country Edition
No time for love, Dr. Jones- let’s get right down to it. BRING FORTH THE ACCUSED! PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA CHARGE: Indecent exposure With apologies to…
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CrimeBeat!: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Edition
Good men and women of DFO, rejoice, for I have heard your cry. Deep in my Timeless Slumber, though empires and eons passed me…
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49ers GM Invites Scorned Raider Fans to “Come and Jump On Our Train”
Invitation seen as an olive branch to woo back lucrative Hobo Demographic lost after Tomsula firing.
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OWNERS APPROVE RAIDERS’ MOVE TO LAS VEGAS BY 31-1 VOTE
“Why can’t we get that kind of solidarity behind naked greed?” asks Paul Ryan