Hard Ride To Seattle

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 31, 2017August 31, 2017

The scene: Century Link field, home of the Seattle Seahawks, in the not-too-distant future. Pirate Sloth is taking his seat, and Doktor Zymm sits down next to him. She is fiddling with one of her omnipresent gadgets. Pirate Sloth: Arr, what that be, Doktor? Doktor Zymm: It ist eine Portable Unit To

#MAZDA (Make Arizona Decent Again: A 2017 Arizona Cardinals Team Preview)

Team Previews

blaxabbath - August 29, 2017August 29, 2017

As the resident [DFO] Trump Supporter (suck it libs), I feel it's important to regularly look back and review what THE LIBERAL FAKE NEWS MEDIA has predicted for the BLUE COLLAR REDBIRDS! So, before looking ahead at this year's great preview, let's start with some excerpts from this failing site's

Football Fans in the Underworld: Your 2017 Jets Preview

Senor Weaselo - August 29, 2017August 28, 2017

Greetings. For this preview we went down below. Way down below. I mean, WAYYYYYY way down below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-7IHOXkiV8 …Sure. Let's go with that. In actuality, we've given Cerberus three steaks (for each of his mouths to feed on so maybe he'll let us back through) and called upon the ferryman Charon for his

Two Word Review: Chic Sandwich – Titans 2017 Preview

DFOing Good

Don T - August 23, 2017August 23, 2017

Last year the Titans finished 9-7, and have been generating buzz ever since. Since February, I've been reading that they're expected to win the AFC South this season. The offensive linemen became celebrities thanks to a Stanley Cup run by the Predators and catfish fetishists: Even schedule makers are complicit in

The 2017 Jacksonville Jaguars Team Preview: A franchise misunderestimated

Brocky - August 22, 2017August 22, 2017

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- We begin with a simple quiz: How many of these players are still active on the jaguars roster? I’ll give you a minute to go through it.... Braden Albert Toby Gerhart Julius Thomas Luke Joeckel Maurice Jones-Drew Chris Clemons Marcus Stroud Marquis Cooper Brandon Marshall Josh Scobee Blaine Gabbert Ziggy Hood

Chicago Bears 2017-2018 Preview

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 21, 2017August 24, 2017

Today is a weird day. Not just in the DFO Clubhouse either. All across America today, PERHAPS EVEN RIGHT NOW, the moon is blocking out the sun. What greater metaphor for the 2017 Bears Football Season than that?! Abandon all hope ye who enter this season as Bears fans. In these

2017 Indianapolis Colts Preview

Cuntler - August 21, 2017August 21, 2017

For your 2017 Indianapolis Colts preview, I had an imaginary conversion with myself. Enjoy. So the Colts, huh. Didn't they used to be good? The Indianapolis Colts, né Baltimore Colts, have quite a storied history. The team began as the Miami Seahawks of the All America Football Conference in 1946 and were

Inferno (Or, Your 2017 Browns Preview)

Team Previews

Senor Weaselo - August 17, 2017August 17, 2017

O, speak to me, o Muse! Please take my mind And offer me assistance for this tale. Through you, I hope to join ven'rable kind. I tell of city not of fair, but fail, And cursed, it seemed, 'til King reclaimed his throne And for a shining moment, did prevail. With title claimed,

If You’re a Saints Fan You’re Stupid by DJ Taj – Saints Season Preview

laserguru - August 16, 2017August 16, 2017

How you may be asking does one become a Saints fan in the first place? (The sound of screeching brakes and then that annoying back up beeping) Lets go back in time shall we? No one chooses to be a Saints fan, we are cast from birth, a kind of divine intervention, you think I wanted this?

2017 Totally Non-Stabby (probably) Baltimore Ravens Preview

theeWeeBabySeamus - August 16, 2017August 16, 2017

Pop Quiz: Do you know who that is in that banner image? Yeah, no one else does either. - I had already begun mentally writing this preview, expecting the Ravens to make the smart move and sign Colin Kaepernick. I mean, we don't have a problem with stabbings in Baltimore, so why

2017 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Preview – Sort Of

theeWeeBabySeamus - August 15, 2017August 15, 2017

I'm not going to lie, about the only thing I know about the Bucs is that their quarterback is a seafood thieving rapist. Who never had to face the music because more or less, he had a shot at getting his school a National Championship. And he did. Job well

2017 Carolina Panthers Horrible Preview

theeWeeBabySeamus - August 14, 2017August 14, 2017

Or should that be "2017 Horrible Carolina Panthers Preview"? Yes, that seems more apropos. Sooooooo, two years removed from almost running the regular season table, an NFC Championship and a (disappointing) Superb Owl appearance, are the Panthers going to suck again this year? Yes. Yes they are. And here's why... - 2015 Carolina Panthers -