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Category: Assholes
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CrimeBeat!: The White Album Edition
Hello and welcome back to CrimeBeat!, the internet’s only source for NFL crime-related news not beholden to donors, party politics or special interests. Brought…
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25 NFL Questions From An Uninformed and Easily Distracted Fan: Week 2
As an homage to the overused sports writing trope of “[X number] Burning, Itching, Throbbing Questions for [X Team/X Sport/X League]”, I present to you…
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Stab My Ears with Broken Mirros
I love music. You name it, I will listen to it. Except new country, I’d rather be locked in a closet with Cris Collinsworth,…
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CrimeBeat!: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!?! Edition
Brothers and sisters and those in between, I thank you for joining the DFO congregation on this glorious day. It is a day of…
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Drowning Lessons, A Look at My Shitty Pool
So summer is over at my pool. Boo fucking hoo. I hate the place and wish it sprung a gigantic hole that allowed water…
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We Won’t Have Mike Carey To Kick Around Any More
(We open on a conference room at CBS Sports studios, where Sean McManus is obviously getting ready to deliver bad news to someone. Several low-…
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CramBeet?: St. Swithin’s Day Massacre Edition
/Vault door shudders and creaks, whines and slowly withdraws, rolling to one side //A dirty, disheveled man in a torn jumpsuit peers out from…
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Your 2016 New York Jets Preview
Let’s just get this out of the way now: Hello DFO and Welcome to your 2016 New York Jets Team Preview! (this concludes the…
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CrimeBeat!: Thirty Days in the Hole Edition
No time for love, Dr. Jones- let’s get right down to it. BRING FORTH THE ACCUSED! PRESEASON MVPs CHARGE: Breach of promise OMG YOU…