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Category: Bastards
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CrimeBeat!: Now With Extra Preservatives!
Gentlemen and ladies- I would like to formally retract my “this year’s draft is boring and too drawn out” statements. Not the “drawn out”…
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Let Fury Have the Hour
Note: Blaxabbath challenged me to write this post. And it brought out the worst in me, including my language. I want to dig you…
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“Drafting For Character” and Other Spectacular Draft Lies
TOP IMAGE from “Great Lies to Tell Small Kids” by Andy Riley. Highly recommended book. SO HERE WE ARE! It’s hours until the draft…
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CrimeBeat!: The One With The Bourble
Greetings, Starfighter. You have been drafted by the National Football League to defend the Shield against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada. God, I loved…
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CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition
OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished…
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CrimeBeat!: Celebratory Edition
Alright kids- turns out I am doing this week’s CrimeBeat!, because my Dad ended up defying expectations and not dying on the operating table.…
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A Friendly Conversation
Operator: Greater Raleigh Telephone Operator Extension, how may I direct your call?….I see, yes sir, one moment please….(Phone Clicks)…Alright, you are connected to the video conference line to…
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CrimeBeat!: Lesser Sports Week
Holy piss, it’s another CrimeBeat! So this is the only week between now and the draft that I will concede a “normal” person can…
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CrimeBeat!: Thirty Days Has Smarch
Oh god. The nightmares. The craving. The soul-crushing emptiness for those of us who do not Sully Ourselves with thoughts of Lesser Sports. The…
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CrimeBeat!: Rob Ford Memorial Edition
Ladies and gentlemen, sad news from the sporting world today as Toronto Councillo(u)r Rob Ford passed away at 46. We here at CrimeBeat! extend…