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Category: Bastards
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CrymBeet?: At My Most Beautiful
And so on. This week’s CrimeBeat! is brought to you by the letters F and U, and the number tequila. It’s a Satan’s Asshole…
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A Voicemail Salute to Sterling Mallory Archer
During these dark, feces-filled times that we call April through July (Most Glorious Draft Weekend aside), one must find cold comfort where one can.…
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CrimeBeat!: Second Thoughts Edition
And then came the hangover. I’m still excited to see what the New Bills can do. And I’m still excited to see Todd Bowles…
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CrimeBeat!: Now With Extra Preservatives!
Gentlemen and ladies- I would like to formally retract my “this year’s draft is boring and too drawn out” statements. Not the “drawn out”…
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Let Fury Have the Hour
Note: Blaxabbath challenged me to write this post. And it brought out the worst in me, including my language. I want to dig you…
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“Drafting For Character” and Other Spectacular Draft Lies
TOP IMAGE from “Great Lies to Tell Small Kids” by Andy Riley. Highly recommended book. SO HERE WE ARE! It’s hours until the draft…
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CrimeBeat!: The One With The Bourble
Greetings, Starfighter. You have been drafted by the National Football League to defend the Shield against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada. God, I loved…
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CrimeBeat!: Drafticipation Edition
OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ! The Honorable, the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem. All persons having business before this poorly-written, barely coherent pseudo-tabloid-news-show internet column are admonished…
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CrimeBeat!: Celebratory Edition
Alright kids- turns out I am doing this week’s CrimeBeat!, because my Dad ended up defying expectations and not dying on the operating table.…
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A Friendly Conversation
Operator: Greater Raleigh Telephone Operator Extension, how may I direct your call?….I see, yes sir, one moment please….(Phone Clicks)…Alright, you are connected to the video conference line to…