Tag: OSZ

Coping With Loss in La Jolla

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(somewhere on a sunny beach in La Jolla, Callifornia) Brad: Brah! Good waves out there today. Jackson: Totally, brah. And my gal K8 [ed. note--literally spelled that way] packed me a whole box of fresh fish tacos. Brad: Rad! With the guac? Jackson: Yup. And I made some of that mango salsa. Brad: Sweet. So, did you go to the game

Somewhere outside of Jersey City…

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Corn Maze Employee #1: I'm telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked disturbed. I don't think there was even a corn stalk out of place. #2:

Meanwhile, in the San Diego Locker Room…

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Brandon Flowers: Damn, it's been almost a week and I'm still bummed out from losing so badly to the Vikings. Malcolm Floyd: Tell me about it. I keep running through how we could have turned it around in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. I've hardly slept, man. Flowers:

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report

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Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I've been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of specialized disaster, and this year was no exception! Up was down, wrong was right, and even the Raiders won

French Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!

Not Pictured: The Mouse Toy He Brings on International Travel
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/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c'est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike. /drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his

An American Football Fan in Paris

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As many DFOers/Kommentists/DFOoses/whatevers know, our own Old School Zero is currently training for a cheese eating/surrendering contest by exploring France from the tip of her Eiffel Tower to the taint of her Larzac Valley. 'Twasn't shortly after arriving in Paris that he intrepidly snapped this photo: Since he didn't get a

Local Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s 2015 Centers Preview

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Dateline: August 26th, 2015 Hello once again, dear readers, and welcome to that most exciting time of the summer: the end of the offseason! We are but tens of days away from kicking the 2015 season off, and much like my Bouncy Blonde Bombshell after one of my patented rub-a-dub-and-dab in

NSA Telephone Transcript #68U127IP93

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[brief ringing sound, then a phone picking up] OSZ: [brief sound of a phone being fumbled then dropped; faintly] Ah, what the fuck… Drunk Uncle Roy: ZERO! ARE YA THERE MY BOY? OSZ: [sound of a cat meowing loudly] Gimme that… hullo? DUR: ZERRROOOOO! WE’RE UN! DEE! FEET! ED! OSZ: Oh no. Is that you

Mad MaKSK: A Furious DFOde

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[Photoshops and writing help from Mike Wallace And Gromit]   (A hot summer sun is rising over the wasteland, and while the misery of life after the end remains, something is in the air--today is different, and feeling this shift, a brainless beast emerges from its cave) THE BEN: HAAARF! THE BEN HAVE

[DFO] Status Update

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Hi everybody. WHAT A WEEK! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEEK! In just one week since the events of 7/31/15, the views of our site have increased five-fold! That's good! However, as you have undoubtedly noticed, it's caused some issues with site performance--slowness, some features not working as we want them to, and a