Chip Kelly Calls a Press Conference

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - November 16, 2016November 16, 2016

INTERIOR – 49ERS PRACTICE FACILITY - SANTA CLARA, CA [A group of reporters are seated around a podium, chatting among themselves. A large figure enters the room and slowly waddles up to the microphone.] Chip Kelly: Thank you all for gathering here today. I know that there have been a lot of

A Breaking Announcement

blaxabbath - February 26, 2016February 26, 2016

Now, I could be down in Pittsburgh with the Yinzbergians. ::Crown Groans:: Or giving a stump speech in Cincinnati, oh-Hi-Oh. ::Crowd Groans Louder:: I've even been approached to come down to give a speech and...AND...accept the key to the city, from the people of CLEVELAND. ::Crowd Boos:: Because they think that, just because they vote before you, that

Superbowl #Content from Ben Blank, Uproxx Chief Creative Officer

WCS - February 5, 2016February 3, 2016

I'm not here to talk about that thing that's happening over the weekend. I'm here to talk about #content and #branding! That's what we're really interested in. People love #content, and they love #brands! Are you #upforwhatever? Here at Uproxx, we sure are! Whatever the cost, whatever it takes! Readers don't

Campbell Comes Clean

pickettschargeksk - October 15, 2015October 15, 2015

Interim Miami Dolphins head coach Dan Campbell did not conduct a press conference Thursday to clarify remarks he had made the previous week, in which he claimed that during his days as a player for the Dallas Cowboys his appendix had "exploded" on a plane ride and that he had

Hotlanta’s Getting Hotter (and harder)

Fake Press Conferences

packman_jon - August 28, 2015August 28, 2015

Atlanta, get ready. The Sex Cannon has arrived, and he’s going to ride you all the way. The last time a force like me came inside you, you burned to the ground. This time, I’m going to make you scream my name and want my HARD passes and sexy cumpleations. Because

Mr. Trump Goes To San Diego

SonOfSpam - August 25, 2015August 24, 2015

People of San Diego, I have traveled here today to make a HYOOOGE announcement that will affect your San Diego Chargers, as well as the entire NFL, and of course, the world. As you know, in about a year or whenever, I will be President of The United States. Of

Candy is Dandy but Zimmer is Grimmer in Prognosticating Press Conference

pickettschargeksk - August 13, 2015August 12, 2015

Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer today did not conduct a surprisingly candid press conference in which he spoke directly about his team's prospects for success in the coming season. "The thing is," he did not begin in answer to a general question about the Vikings' current status, "you have to

Everybody, Welcome the New Guy

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris - July 28, 2015August 4, 2015

KSK Kommenters is proud to introduce our newest contributor: The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons! SPORTS GUY: Glad to be here, Zach. And a pleasure to meet you after all of these years watching you. I remember the first time I watched Saved By the Bell. It really reminded me of the

President Obama Commutes Drug Sentences, NFL Suspensions

Fake Press Conferences

pickettschargeksk - July 14, 2015

President Barack Obama on Monday granted clemency to 46 people serving long prison terms for non-violent drug offenses and did not, in a sweeping expansion of executive power, commute the sentences of the fourteen professional football players suspended for violation of the league's substance abuse policy in calendar year 2015. "As a lawyer