“SOME TABLE IS BETTER THAN NONE TABLE?”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 15, 2017May 15, 2017

SERVER: Welcome to Cafe Fina on Monterey's beautiful Fisherman's Wharf! My name is Nick and I will be your server today. Can I start you off with anything to drink? CUSTOMER: Well, I... [DOOR FLIES OPEN] JOHN MADDEN: EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU APPEAR TO BE SITTING AT MY TABLE, AND WHEN YOU SIT AT

SOME MOVIES SUCK. THESE ARE THEM. SPECIAL ADAM “ASSCLOWN” SANDLER EDITION

jjfozz - May 3, 2017May 1, 2017

I have access to a bunch of movie apps and I am amazed at the selection of movies. I’m also amazed how many of them suck ass. I’ll be reviewing them as I see fit. Warning, most of these are going to suck. And you will disagree. And I won’t

The Mile High Five Club

NotKontent

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - April 5, 2017April 5, 2017

...we now resume our regularly scheduled programming in progress... TSA AGENT 1: [standing firm] You’re not getting on the plane with this thing. GUS BRADLEY: [glares at agent] I’m not getting on the plane without it. TSA AGENT 2: [diplomatically] It’s all right, Coach Bradley. We’ll figure something out. Let me just call our supervisor. TSA AGENT

Commentists as role models?

litre_cola - March 25, 2017

Hello there a little while back some of the commentist party got in to a discussion about their offspring. I was a little down about losing my freedom and becoming a dad but that picked me right up. It was only 5 or 6 stories of what they or their

Flying the Friendly Skies

NotKontent

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - March 22, 2017March 22, 2017

INT. JACKSONVILLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY. TSA AGENT 1: ...and so I told her that a skunk must have gotten into the yard. TSA AGENT 2: And she believed you? TSA AGENT 1: Well, yeah, she's a city girl, she doesn't know what they smell like. So anyhow...[peers at X-ray machine monitor]...oh, wait.

Have Your Say: The 2nd Annual DFO Commentist Survey

The Maestro - February 13, 2017February 13, 2018

We're back, folks! This is the 2nd annual Commentist survey - once again, we're hoping to collect some info on all of you, our readers and Commentists, in the hopes of improving this place for all of us. Darkest Timeline Zack Morris, our Internet Dad, has been hard at work

Weekend Baking With Shogun: A Sweet Spicy 3-Way!

Shogun Marcus - December 17, 2016December 16, 2016

Did I do the clickbait right? You're here so I'm guessing the answer is yes. Good on ya, I knew I liked you. By the time you see this, I will likely be somewhere in the process of digging out from a storm. About a foot, no biggie as long as

Scary NFL Stories: The Experiment

Old School Zero - October 31, 2016October 28, 2016

(Scene: a nondescript room with two doors—one far, one near—but no windows, and two tables and chairs. On one table is a large box with a number of switches on it, and cords running out from the back and through the wall, and a small television monitor and speaker on

25 NFL Questions From An Uninformed And Easily Distracted Fan: Week 7

Cuntler - October 27, 2016October 27, 2016

As an homage to the overused sports writing trope of “[X number] Burning, Itching, Throbbing Questions for [X Team/X Sport/X League]”, I present to you a list of questions that I, an uninformed and easily distracted NFL fan, had after Week 7. This week, I watched a little bit of the

25 NFL Questions From An Uninformed and Easily Distracted Fan: Week 6

Cuntler - October 20, 2016October 19, 2016

An Open Letter to New DFO Visitors

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 6, 2016September 2, 2016

Open letters are all the rage these days. There's even the open letter to open letters. Someday soon I'll write an open letter to Apple about my iPhone autocorrecting kegger to legged or letter. Here at [DFO], we've noticed a slight uptick in traffic lately and expect (read: hope) that

A Perfectly Cromulent San Diego Chargers 2016 Season Preview

Old School Zero - August 17, 2016August 16, 2016

(This preview has been brought to you by Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, Old School Zero, and sunrisesunrise) Keenan Allen: Damn. This shit again. Brandon Flowers: Yeah, tell me about it. Hell, I don’t even think Rivers has healed up from last season yet! Philip Rivers: [Limps in on crutches, most of