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Celebrity Super Bowl Picks: Tomi Lahren

SonOfSpam -
9

Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her

To Peyton

Ian Scott McCormick -
5

Dearest brother, and venerated golden boy, As I write this correspondence to you, I can hear the dogs howling in the distance, my time of unchecked power nearing it's end. While the leaves have not yet begun to blush with their autumnal splendor, I truly have entered the winter of my

Offseason QB interviews. Wichita edition.

litre_cola -
26

Hi there! Pardon me for the lapse in interviews this last month but Krokodil is a hell of a drug. <<Wichita>> What the hell am I doing here? Why would Internet dad send me to this forsaken place? Is it a neutral site game foretold by one Allegash enthusiast P. King? Well

We Care Since the NFL Doesn’t

BrettFavresColonoscopy -
39

By now, unless you have carefully cultivated your social media feed(s) to only reflect the opinions of people Richard Spencer believes should have the right to vote, you have seen a slew of "Me, too" and/or #metoo posts on facebook, twitter, etc. In the wake of the latest public outing

Take A Knee Zeke! It’s The Dallas Cowboys At The Bye!

Horatio Cornblower -
31

Before we get into the travesty that the Cowboys' 2017 season is about the become, a few words about Jerry Jones.  Unless you were living under a rock the last couple of weeks you know that our grandstanding Vice-President, Mike "I'm Terrified Of Any Woman Not My Mother" Pence, attended

Hope Clicks Eternal – The Houston Texans

Beerguyrob -
12

Before we progress, let's once again revisit the 0-1 2017 New England Patriots: Delicious. I very much enjoy the fact that Pat there has turned on the Patriots because "#22" took a knee, despite the fact that it was a Chief. I'm surprised she didn't call him a "thug". The appeals of

SCOTUS Slants in Favor of The [REDACTEDS], You Don’t Have To

Don T -
14

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of the U.S. decided Matal v. Tam.  Simon Tam, lead singer of “The Slants”, applied for trademark protection of the band’s name—his reason: to reclaim the racial slur. The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office denied it, under a statute that prohibits registration of a trademark that