God Bless Super Frank Lampard

King Hippo - May 21, 2022May 20, 2022

I don't know what Lampard told his Very Disappointing Everton charges at the half. I just know it WORKED, even though I had succumbed to despair and turned the telly off. Survival. Somehow, someway...the Blues avoided the drop and have a fighting chance to rebuild. Frank Lampard is the right man to

Ghosts in the Machine Saturday Morning Thread

King Hippo - May 14, 2022May 13, 2022

No Prem matches today. Fookin' seriously - NONE. There is a Cup final at Wembley, but I ain't got no time for that. You do get a tasty Championship promotion playoff, with Team Knifey hosting the Robins Hood (10:00, ESPN+). These always fascinate me, when a neutral. Though I think it

Buttholes Extra Puckered Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - May 7, 2022May 5, 2022

I am writing this on Thursday, 5 May - since I will be away from my 'puter almost all of Friday. Thank fuck Everton aren't playing. I am tense enough as is. Oldest HippoSpawn graduates university. I am proud of her, so I will go. I will make no emotional displays,

Lesser and Draftmas Combo Platter

King Hippo - April 30, 2022April 29, 2022

Oh man, such a contrast between watching the machinations of my two great loves. Donks WOO!!! draft following is just plain, relaxing fun. I know they won't, say, trade up and draft Noted Local Moe-ron Sam Howell. Because we gots Russell Wilson. I don't have to sweat making reach picks, because we

Saturday “All Aboard the Sinking Ship” Morning Thread

King Hippo - April 23, 2022April 22, 2022

I apologize in advance for tomorrow. I will go missing all day, and there will be no Derby of Ultimate Despair live blog. Because I hate those fucking thundercunts so very much that I can't even bear to watch the mauling. Hope for Premier League survival is fading, but there's still

Hippo’s Mid-week Waking Nightmare (part el tres)

King Hippo - April 20, 2022April 20, 2022

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck) As during the last two Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time

Half-Schedule Weekend – Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - April 16, 2022April 15, 2022

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This is the part of the Lesser schedule when the cup ties start flying fast and furious, and with MOAR at stake. You saw a truly heroic effort by rockingdog's Chelski squadron mid-week, but the Real Cuntfaces got off the mat and advanced. Kings of Shithousery Atleti (meant mostly as

Welcome BACK To Hippo’s Nightmare Live Blogging

King Hippo - April 9, 2022April 9, 2022

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Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." As during mid-week's torture session, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post. I used to regularly live blog NC State

Spare Us The Qatar! – World Cup Draw Roundtable

King Hippo - April 2, 2022April 2, 2022

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Are you ready for some desert football? Because you'll soon be getting it. Before all that, a reminder that the Prem is back this morning, but feel free to sleep in. The 7:00 fixture is going to make the Final Four seem fellatio-free. Bees/Chelski is in the barrel at 10:00 (USA),

Sundays With Litre, Now with Less Litre!

ballsofsteelandfury - March 27, 2022March 27, 2022

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Your illustrious host for the Sunday evening Open Thread is in Toronto this weekend for the Canada-Jamaica World Cup Qualifier game. This is important for two reasons: Canada needs just one point to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since the 80'sLitre has been running a Twitter account

Saturday Early Lesser Footy y Hoopsball

King Hippo - March 19, 2022March 18, 2022

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There is only one Prem fixture this morning, Arsenal/Villa (8:30, USA). The King's Afrikan Water Pistols are playfully spraying their way into next season's Shempions League, but as they say in Footy Manager speak "there can be no letup." Villa are a pesky lot, so this might be worth a

Spring Sort of Sprung – Saturday Open Thread

King Hippo - March 12, 2022March 11, 2022

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Much to my surprise, the assdick MLB ownership cabal finally made a reasonable offer and we'll have el beisbol after all. Hooray, I guess? I mostly ignored it last season, and suspect I will again. Aside from making many, many of my patented #BFIB taeks/jokes. It's also tournament time, making college