Drunken Ramblings of a Jew on Christmas / Christmas Eve into Christmas Morning Open Thread

BrettFavresColonoscopy - December 24, 2020December 25, 2020

When I started writing this, it was in the wee hours of Christmas Eve Eve, when the nerdy kids are checking NORAD's Santa Tracker, the kids that bully those kids are starting to sweat a little, and I'm enough cocktails in that I've just started throwing some new combinations together

Your “Who’s That Mysterious Figure?” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

BrettFavresColonoscopy - November 29, 2020November 29, 2020

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It was a cold night. Not historically cold or even stereotypically cold given how goddamn freezing it can get around these parts but just objectively and objectionably cold. I hate it when people dismiss temperatures in the 20s (that's Fahrenheit, obviously) as "not that bad"--Fuck you, when condensation chills to

There’s Got To Be A Pony In There Somewhere

BrettFavresColonoscopy - November 25, 2020November 25, 2020

Bless yeahright's heart, for amidst all the literal chaos, death, destruction, and despair of 2020, he suggested we all gather 'round the DFO clubhouse fire and share what we're still thankful for this year. It reminds me of the story of the family that moves to a new house, and while

A Dark and Foggy Night

BrettFavresColonoscopy - October 31, 2020October 31, 2020

It was a dark and stormy night, and with the local all you can eat buffet closed, there was nowhere for Coach to go for another four rounds of prime rib. So he headed to the local convenience store to forage for hand pies. As one does. Not unsurprisingly, the convenience

What Day Is It Today? Thursday? Evening Open Thread

Open Threads

BrettFavresColonoscopy - January 2, 2020January 2, 2020

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Oh, hi there. As you've likely noted, BrewHombreRoy is off looking for clues in a series of brutal hobo murders. For those of you that don't know me, I'm BrettFavresColonoscopy, I lackadaisically write the DFO mailbag, and I'm filling in just for tonight. I insert a lot of extraneous links

Mouth Flies Open: DFO Mailbag #17

BrettFavresColonoscopy - December 18, 2019December 18, 2019

The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. We're getting closer and closer to the inevitable Chiefs-Patriots AFC Championship matchup--AND spending

Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag #16

BrettFavresColonoscopy - November 4, 2019November 4, 2019

The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. The NFL season is a reality for 28 or so teams, so the

Tales from the Kicked

DFOing Good

BrettFavresColonoscopy - October 31, 2019October 31, 2019

Exterior, an old and rickety mansion. Cobwebs cling to crevices that cover creaking corners. Of course, the night is dark and stormy. Lightning cracks through the air, breaking through the darkness to reveal glimpses of prying eyes from fauna and who knows what else. On the front stoop, a slight

2019 Chicago Bears at the Bye

Bye Week Updates

BrettFavresColonoscopy - October 8, 2019October 6, 2019

As I write this, the Bears have just finished choking away a game in London, like Theresa May but with none of the charm. They only had a lead at all due to a fantastic second half comeback, and then the last few drives were marred by incompetence and malfeasance,

Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag #15

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 19, 2019September 19, 2019

The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. The NFL off-season is OVER and the regular season is under way for

What Kind of Circus Features Kickers? Your 2019 Chicago Bears Preview

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 27, 2019August 27, 2019

Awesome Photoshop courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers Ah, the NFL offseason, always filled with optimism, Dan Snyderschadenfraude, and this year, a veritable Who's That? of placekickers taking a ride on the Chicago Bears carousel. Do you remember how last season ended? I wonder if anyone in Chicago has? Let's take a

Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag #14

BrettFavresColonoscopy - July 16, 2019July 14, 2019

The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. While the NFL season is over until THE SHIELD cranks up the bullshit