Horatio Had A Long Week And Missed The Deadline So Here’s A Clip Show For Dallas

Bye Week Updates

Horatio Cornblower - October 29, 2019October 28, 2019

(Caption for picture above: "The Jets!? The fucking Jets!?") When I wrote the season preview, which I have shamelessly cut-and-pasted into this post, Zeke Elliott was holding out in Mexico. I predicted, correctly that he'd be signed, rich, and playing by Week 1 and by God he was. I also predicted

Ravens Bye Week

jjfozz - October 25, 2019October 25, 2019

So we enter into the 8th week of the NFL season and the Ravens are...I'm not too sure of what we are. Lamar Jackson's an MVP! No, he's a running back! No, he needs to learn how to pass! Good Christ I'm fucking tired of how every second of every day

Cleveland’s Not Yet N Sync: Ain’t No Lie, Browns At Bye

SonOfSpam - October 18, 2019October 18, 2019

Remember when everyone thought the Browns would be good this year? That was adorable. They are 2-4 at their bye, and Baker Mayfield kinda sucks, and David Njoku broke something, and Nick Chubb still has a name that makes me giggle. Their coach is this random DUI mugshot: Still kinda laughing about Chubb. Anyway, the

Your Yinzer Injury Report 2019

WCS - October 18, 2019

Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands. THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT This team had serious question marks to start this season, and like 908% of the offense has gotten hurt since the opening kick-off to start the season. 2-4

Jameis and the Giant Zilch: The 2019 Buccaneers at the Buccabye

SonOfSpam - October 16, 2019October 15, 2019

So every team gets a bi bye, and the players rejoice (like they didn't joice enough the first time). This week, the Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears get to play grabass off the field and not get CTE, which means I gotta fucking write about how they're doing I get to regale

Your “I’m Not Wrong….Yet” Carolina Panthers Bye Week

Bye Week Updates

theeWeeBabySeamus - October 15, 2019October 15, 2019

I'm perfectly willing to admit it when I'm wrong. I'm wrong a lot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuFVY75DGQ4 But so far, I don't have to. Back in the pre-season I predicted that the Panthers would go 5-11 and end up in last place in the NFC South. Well, they haven't hit 5 wins. Yet. I also predicted that

Wangs of New York: Your 2019 Buffalo Bills Bye Week Bonanza

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - October 11, 2019October 11, 2019

[Interior. Press Room at the Meadowlands. JOSH ALLEN is at the podium, answering questions after beating the New York "Football" "Giants".] ANONYMOUS PR FLACK: Ok guys, we've got time for one more question. SNOTTYASS MOTHERFUCKING REPORTER FOR THE NEW YORK POST OR SOME SHIT: There's a chance you could have ended up

That’s…My Raiders? Our 2019 Oakland Raiders at the Bye

Bye Week Updates

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 11, 2019October 10, 2019

As I mentioned in the Raiders' season preview, I made a pact with myself to not watch football this year. I've actually held to it, which means that the only football I've seen has been the occasional highlight, but I've kept up with things reasonably well via gamecasts and fantasy

Screw It, I’m Quittin – The 2019 Indianapolis Colts On Bye

SonOfSpam - October 9, 2019October 7, 2019

In retrospect, it may not have been wise to make the 2019 Indianapolis Colts Preview post all about Andrew Luck. Just before the season started, Andrew's agent gave Jim Irsay the Sister Christian treatment; e.g., "You know that boy don't wanna play no more with you...it's true." MOTORIN WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR Sorry.

2019 Chicago Bears at the Bye

Bye Week Updates

BrettFavresColonoscopy - October 8, 2019October 6, 2019

As I write this, the Bears have just finished choking away a game in London, like Theresa May but with none of the charm. They only had a lead at all due to a fantastic second half comeback, and then the last few drives were marred by incompetence and malfeasance,

Go Home, Fate, You’re Drunk: 2019 Detroit Lions at the Bye

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - October 3, 2019October 3, 2019

[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on "Not goin' outthere!" and "You an whose army, cock-knocker?"] [Eventually, REVEREND MAYHEM is shoved through the curtain and stumbles into frame, one hand clutching a bottle of brown liquid labeled "JJ Fozz

The Miami Dolphins at the Bye

Wakezilla - October 2, 2019

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field. I’m your host, Wakezilla. Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an