Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Six

Welcome back! Last night, the NFL decided we had had enough close quality games and decided to force feed the nation the not-at-all anticipated matchup of the Patriots vs the Giants. True, the Giants have beaten the Patriots in two Super Bowls, but this wasn't a Super

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Five

Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL's second attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Los Angeles Rams against the Seattle Seahawks. Did you know they throw fish at a market in Seattle? What a world! I wonder what the LA equivalent

Go Home, Fate, You’re Drunk: 2019 Detroit Lions at the Bye

[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on "Not goin' outthere!" and "You an whose army, cock-knocker?"] [Eventually, REVEREND MAYHEM is shoved through the curtain and stumbles into frame, one hand clutching a bottle of brown liquid labeled "JJ Fozz

The Miami Dolphins at the Bye

Another sold out crowd in Miami

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field.  I’m your host, Wakezilla. Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Four

Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL's attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Green Bay Packers against the Philadelphia Eagles. It was actually successful! For those of you that stayed up with us and participated in the Live Blog, you witnessed the Packers battling the

Huh…..: Your San Francisco 49ers Bye Week Update

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!??!?!? YES!!!! Friends, I have preached before at interminable length about how we live in  The New Time of Wonders. Now BLEERGH!, Shan'khlor and the other Elderly Gods have seen fit to show us another Sign and Portent. Yes, it is Week 4, and Jimmy Garoppolo's bones and tendons

Way Too Many Words on the Jets at the Bye: A Jets at the Bye Post

Can I count those as way too many words? I mean I'll ramble to get to the minimum because this is me. Hmm, what to say considering I've watched about one half of Jets football. The Jets decided to take a page from the most successful team in New York, the

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Three

Welcome back! Last night we had the Prototypical Thursday Night Football game. The one. The only. It could only be the Jacksonville Jaguars vs the Tennessee Titans. The game no one wants to watch on Thursday Night. For those of you that stayed up with us

A Modest Proposal for the Miami Dolphins

"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns. For the second straight week, I will have answered

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Two

Welcome back! Like the swallows to San Juan Capistrano, we return each year in the hope that Thursday Night Football will be better. Last night we got the Carolina Panthers against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in a NFC South showdown that was delayed by lightning, degenerated into a political

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week One

So, that was a game last night, wasn't it? Contrary to popular opinion, that was a real football game that counted in the standings and not just another pre-season game that season-ticket holders were forced to pay full price for. For those of you that stayed up with us and