Assholes

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Three

ballsofsteelandfury -
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Welcome back! Last night we had the Prototypical Thursday Night Football game. The one. The only. It could only be the Jacksonville Jaguars vs the Tennessee Titans. The game no one wants to watch on Thursday Night. For those of you that stayed up with us

A Modest Proposal for the Miami Dolphins

Wakezilla -
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"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns. For the second straight week, I will have answered

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Two

ballsofsteelandfury -
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Welcome back! Like the swallows to San Juan Capistrano, we return each year in the hope that Thursday Night Football will be better. Last night we got the Carolina Panthers against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in a NFC South showdown that was delayed by lightning, degenerated into a political

Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week One

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So, that was a game last night, wasn't it? Contrary to popular opinion, that was a real football game that counted in the standings and not just another pre-season game that season-ticket holders were forced to pay full price for. For those of you that stayed up with us and

Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
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[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone

Your “We Should All Be So Lucky” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
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NFL Nuggets: Andrew Luck updates: The Colts are letting him keep his bonus money from the last contract signing. It amounts to $16.8 million, since he had three years left on the five-year extension he signed in 2016. There are rumours that Jim Irsay has known for a (little) while

Your “Perhaps Lesser Footy is better than Greater Footy after all” Thread

Wakezilla -
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Good morning everyone! By the time this post airs, your pal Wakezilla will be up and atom, off on his vacation to Portland, Oregon, followed by staying in a cabin at CanNon Beach (Oregon's coast). Jesus, I have never deserved a vacation more than this year. I got promoted in April

No One’s Chargers 2019 Preview: Top Bolt

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers -
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INTERIOR - CHARGERS WAR ROOM, MIRA MAR, CA - MIDDAY MAJ. TOM TELESCO: [Walking in] Good morning Tony. COMM. ANTHONY LYNN: Morning Tom. RADIO: Ghost Audience, we have an unknown aircraft entering our airspace. Vector 405 for bogey. TELESCO: Who's up there? LYNN: Rivers, Gordon, Bosa and Allen. EXTERIOR - THE SKIES ABOVE SAN DIEGO COUNTY CAPT. RIVERS: YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODDDDDYYYYYY

Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
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[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community.  Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,

Santa Clara Diet: A San Francisco 49ers Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
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[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form

Your 2019 Stillers Preview

WCS -
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I'm supposed to preview the 2019 Steelers. Let me start with this:   This entire division makes less sense than Drumpf's cabinet. People are talking about the Browns to be good? I trust (hashtag The Pauls) to be successful less than I trust Charlie Kelly can read.   Our dear friend Redshirt let us