Li’l Johnny Saves Christmas, Part One --or, This Is Not the True Meaning of Christmas, Or Even “Saves,” For That Matter-- I. Best Laid Plans Christmas had come round again, And Johnny was going away He already made excuses to friends For missing Christmas Day. He’d packed away his sunscreen, He’d bought extra flip-flops Johnny even paid a little extra For the
Assholes
CrimeBeat! Triumphant Return Edition
Oh men. MEN! I apologize, from the deepest cockles of my heart, for the no-doubt-emotionally-devastating wasteland that your lives have been during the prolonged hiatus of CrimeBeat! But fear not, sinners, for the Right Reverend is here to give you succor. (Note: sorry for the format- doing this from my phone
A Large Cup of Boiling, Seething Hate
“Fuck the Midwest” Edition – Weekend Lesser Footy Preview
Hastily Assembled Much-Needed Mid-Season Hiatus, or, New York Jets at the Bye
(This is a collaborative effort between entropy and Senor Weaselo. We blame any and all errors on theweebabySeamus) The interior of a network executive's office, location undetermined, as all the window shades are drawn. The NETWORK EXECUTIVE is staring expectantly at the man in the first guest chair, who is hunched
Better Know a Deity: Shan’Khor
It's time for another installment of Better Know a Deity. Sure, we all know the big names in the football pantheon like BLEERGH, BOLTMAN! and Al Davis' Revified Corpse. But sometimes a lesser-known god or goddess comes to the fore. (H/t to Thursday Sky Goddess). Name: Shan'Khor Nicknames: “the Merciless"; "Shankopotamus" (not
The DFO Patrón Saint
Back at the site where we all met, there was a patron saint and a matron saint and it was pretty obvious as to who they were and why they were. Here, we have many unofficial matron saints And no official patron saint although two viable obvious options exist. Unfortunately, I'm worried they
A New Yorker’s Postmortem on This Election
This Little Piggy Went 8-8: Your Bills Bye Week Update
The Bills are 4-5 at the bye week. That's your update. Normally, I would give a pseudo-humorous recap of the ups and down of the season so far, filled with hilarious swear words and celebrating the pleasure-pain that is the Buffalo Fan Experience. There would be some mention of the many injuries sustained (notably the
MILLENIALS ARE PIGS AND SHOULD BE IMPRISONED
DFO Mock Draft: Presidential Write-Ins
You might have heard on the news that there's an election happening soon for some government job on Tuesday. The two main candidates have favorability ratings somewhere in the realm of bedbugs and cockroaches. There have been things called "debates" which looked like something out of Wilmer Valderrama's Yo Momma
Cam Gets His Call
Operator: Charlottesville Telephone Operator Extension 035115, how may I direct your call?….I see, yes sir, I believe he is expecting you….(Phone Clicks)…Alright, you are connected to the video conference line in Bank of America Stadium's locker room. Cam Newton: Right on time. So I guess the NFL is capable of making a correct call. Commissioner Roger