"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns. For the second straight week, I will have answered
STORNG TAEK!!1!
Your 2019 Stillers Preview
I'm supposed to preview the 2019 Steelers. Let me start with this: This entire division makes less sense than Drumpf's cabinet. People are talking about the Browns to be good? I trust (hashtag The Pauls) to be successful less than I trust Charlie Kelly can read. Our dear friend Redshirt let us
Venezuela: Starving for your attention. Your 2019 Copa América Team Preview
Reasons why you should cheer for Venezuela: Venezuela is starving for the attention of lesser footy fans who do not have any blood ties to any country participating in the Copa América. Their team nickname, La Vino Tinto (Red wine), is literally encouraging you to drink alcohol while watching them play! Their
Your Lesser Footy AM open thread: How soccer helped end apartheid in South Africa
Celebrity Super Bowl Picks: Tomi Lahren
Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her
2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-New Years Games)
I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer
2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-Christmas Games)
I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer
Yinzer Morons Bye Week Who Cares
Your “I’ll Be Honest-I’m Hoping For a Travesty Here” Sunday Night Football Open Thread
Your 2018-19 NHL Western Conference Preview
Yesterday, I raised the topic of the NHL's Eastern Conference, a.k.a. "the teams Gary Bettman wants to win the Cup". Today, it's the West, where dreams die upon the altar of the travel schedule. Pacific Division: Anaheim Ducks - by friend of Low Commander, Funky Brewmaster For the first time in a few
