Cleveland’s Not Yet N Sync: Ain’t No Lie, Browns At Bye

Remember when everyone thought the Browns would be good this year? That was adorable. They are 2-4 at their bye, and Baker Mayfield kinda sucks, and David Njoku broke something, and Nick Chubb still has a name that makes me giggle. Their coach is this random DUI mugshot: Still kinda laughing about Chubb. Anyway, the

Your Yinzer Injury Report 2019

Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands. THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT This team had serious question marks to start this season, and like 908% of the offense has gotten hurt since the opening kick-off to start the season. 2-4

Jameis and the Giant Zilch: The 2019 Buccaneers at the Buccabye

So every team gets a bi bye, and the players rejoice (like they didn't joice enough the first time). This week, the Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears get to play grabass off the field and not get CTE, which means I gotta fucking write about how they're doing I get to regale

Your “I’m Not Wrong….Yet” Carolina Panthers Bye Week

I'm perfectly willing to admit it when I'm wrong.  I'm wrong a lot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuFVY75DGQ4 But so far, I don't have to. Back in the pre-season I predicted that the Panthers would go 5-11 and end up in last place in the NFC South.  Well, they haven't hit 5 wins.  Yet. I also predicted that

Wangs of New York: Your 2019 Buffalo Bills Bye Week Bonanza

[Interior. Press Room at the Meadowlands. JOSH ALLEN is at the podium, answering questions after beating the New York "Football" "Giants".] ANONYMOUS PR FLACK: Ok guys, we've got time for one more question. SNOTTYASS MOTHERFUCKING REPORTER FOR THE NEW YORK POST OR SOME SHIT: There's a chance you could have ended up

Screw It, I’m Quittin – The 2019 Indianapolis Colts On Bye

In retrospect, it may not have been wise to make the 2019 Indianapolis Colts Preview post all about Andrew Luck. Just before the season started, Andrew's agent gave Jim Irsay the Sister Christian treatment; e.g., "You know that boy don't wanna play no more with you...it's true." MOTORIN WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR Sorry.

2019 Chicago Bears at the Bye

As I write this, the Bears have just finished choking away a game in London, like Theresa May but with none of the charm. They only had a lead at all due to a fantastic second half comeback, and then the last few drives were marred by incompetence and malfeasance,

Go Home, Fate, You’re Drunk: 2019 Detroit Lions at the Bye

[INTERIOR, STAGE WITH CLOSED CURTAIN. From offstage, muffled and slurred shouts are heard, mostly inaudible but include variations on "Not goin' outthere!" and "You an whose army, cock-knocker?"] [Eventually, REVEREND MAYHEM is shoved through the curtain and stumbles into frame, one hand clutching a bottle of brown liquid labeled "JJ Fozz

The Miami Dolphins at the Bye

Another sold out crowd in Miami

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field.  I’m your host, Wakezilla. Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an

Huh…..: Your San Francisco 49ers Bye Week Update

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!??!?!? YES!!!! Friends, I have preached before at interminable length about how we live in  The New Time of Wonders. Now BLEERGH!, Shan'khlor and the other Elderly Gods have seen fit to show us another Sign and Portent. Yes, it is Week 4, and Jimmy Garoppolo's bones and tendons

Way Too Many Words on the Jets at the Bye: A Jets at the Bye Post

Can I count those as way too many words? I mean I'll ramble to get to the minimum because this is me. Hmm, what to say considering I've watched about one half of Jets football. The Jets decided to take a page from the most successful team in New York, the