Assholes

Celebrity Super Bowl Picks: Tomi Lahren

SonOfSpam -
9

Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her

Why no one in LA gives a **** about the Chargers

ballsofsteelandfury -
79

As i'm writing this,  the Fox crew is still showing highlights of the Patriots' convincing win over the Chargers in the Divisional Round.  No one in LA except the players,  the coaches,  and their families is particularly upset about it. You may ask yourself why. It's actually

Sunday Morning Wild Card Hippo Thoughts y Roundtable

King Hippo -
79

Did y'all somewhat enjoy the "action" yesterday?  Buckle up, they's MOAR comin' - like a 70s key party. We started with an imaginarium hosting yet another Saturday afternoon fixture, defying all conventional notions of physics.  Chalk this win up to an amazing game plan on both sides of the Humps'

A Round Man’s Roundtable (Saturday Fixtures) – Also FA Cup/Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo -
64

I am in no way, shape, or form going to try to lay out the structure or matchups involved in the English FA Cup.  I know Everton's home tie with Lincoln City is on ESPN+ at 10:00.  Surely, I will watch it and bitch heartily. No, we will collect the hivemind

Your ‘English Premier League has a Race problem’ Saturday AM Thread

Wakezilla -
143

Good morning fellow DFOers! Thanks to the good folks at Make-a-Wish foundation, your imaginary pal Wakezilla is hosting the Lesser Footy AM thread again. If anyone asks, I have tumorsyphilisitisosis. Yes, I know the disease sounds both sexy and very terminal. *cough* In case you are wondering about the featured image, that

Bye Week Update: New England Patriots

The Maestro -
36

The Patses are 7-3! Really goods, we is! Only two games up on the rest of the division, oh nos! We'll wins it again anyways! Lost to nasty Lionses, and Jagses and Titanses! Just barely beat the Bearses, it dids! We beats the Chiefses and Packers! The defence, especially the pass rush, is getting ruineds! Undefeated

Miss Bumbum – A Teaching Moment

ballsofsteelandfury -
62

As you may recall, the DFO team had a homework assignment a couple of months back. On September 7, 2018, on the eve of the NFL season starting, I took over tWBS's Sexy Friday post and set up a poll which would determine which Brazilian ass was the best Brazilian

Can Everton Finish Off Mourinho? (and other Lesser/JV Combo Thoughts)

King Hippo -
299

Yes, it's time to do to Jose Mourinho what we did to Davey Moyes (what, like 5 years ago?) and finish the walking ded off.  Everton (in 8th position on 15 points, +3 GD) only need a draw at Old Trafford to stay above Manure (10th, -1), and the Blues

“Save Us, Jameis!” and Other Signs of Desperation: Tampa Bay at the Bye

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem -
9

So the Roadrunner's a dick, right? Wile E. Coyote has some issues of his own, no argument.  The ancient Greeks wish they had come up with a hubris myth as simple and powerful as Wile opening an ACME box. But the Roadrunner is the real villain of the series.  Weird Al Yankovic